Songs of Alora Tuffet-Hopper

[Akivaria]

Probably for the best.

I don't think there's any way in hell I'm ever making it to 20.

[Akivaria]

Another song that is definitely meant for no one in particular

__

All hail the fuddy duddy
Polished, armored, and dull as a bleeding rock
Part me feels sorry for ye boring day-to-day
And really, really sorry for your ever-lonesome cock

A fair-enough face you might possess
Yet no maiden cares to spy
For why waste your time in fetching water
From a well that's long run dry?

Keep your silly benedictions and prayers
I'll keep my ale and dancing
Piety is such a tragic waste
When you can spend your time romancing

So filch an ale or two sometime
I promise your god won't smite ye
And a little mischief in your drudgery
May be just what's needed to right ye

[Akivaria]

*Sung with a huge beaver hat atop her head, so big its bulk rests on her shoulders and the feather dips down to her shoulder blades*

A Song for Fop's Fine Headpiece

Some things, my friends, are beautiful but deadly
T'is best to avoid them, you see
Pretty nightshade, growing wild
You'd not want it mixed in your tea

T'is perched atop a field of leather
Fine and truly crafted
The fiercest beast you e'er did see
Some might even say it's rabid

My good friend Stick swears up and down
Not satisfied with any mere plume
The archmage stole and shrunk that beast
From the Dezlentyrs' trophy room

But, friends, you can trust that I know the truth
Do keep your sharpest dagger handy
For Fop's magic may be scary indeed
But the true horror sits atop the dandy

So be cautious and well afraid, friends
Take care you don't get scratched
For among us walks a beaver hat
With the beaver still attached

[Akivaria]

Ballad for Mack the One Eye

The constable has it out for Mack
And really, who can blame them?
Horse shit underneath my boot
Is honestly more upstandin'

Don't take kindly to murdering thieves, really
So when I heard he'd offed an elf
I smuggled her body out of his lair
And may have decide to help meself

See, Mack celebrates his kills
Drunk and by the fire
But when he's finished sleeping it off
He'll find his pockets a little lighter

So take this as a warning, friends
Don't kill people in my city
For when I finish hauling the body home
I'm taking all your gold with me

[Akivaria]

Ballad of the Slayers

Gather round ye lads and lasses
And let me tell ye a tale
Of Louene, Allynna, Steven, and Sargon
With Parey, hearty and hale

Looming high above them all
A gory and grievous tower
Its sword scraped the dungeon floor
As it charged in all its power

First they lopped its arm off
T'was Allynna with her peacebringer
'Cause if you're gonna burn out a fookin' crypt
You'll want to bring a ringer

After that, next was its leg
Got him right through the marrow
T'was Stephen to credit that time around
A dead shot with an arrow

Next came off, the other arm
Like lightning striking twice
Big Sargon and fantabulous Louene
Sugar and delectable spice

Parey, meanwhile, rested in a corner
Saying supportive and nurturing things
Because every party come into a crypt
Needs some wind beneath their wings

After a long and grievous contest
The beast knew it had met its match
Limbless, but for a deflated head
It yelled: "Tis but a scratch!"

[Ethbaal]

Feeding these into my AI.