A Plain-covered Journal

[ravin]

* sniffle*

[Uniskorne]

Anyone who's talked to me for long might have noticed that horses come up a lot. Like most families in Waymoot, my family bred horses. We're not one of the top five breeders in Waymoot, but our horses aren't poor stock, either. I know for a fact at least three of our line serve Cormyr as either mounts or wagon-pullers.

Then, there's Lhesker. Like our other horses, he's a Caustos--heavy draft breed known for their black or brown coats, white faces and legs, and feathering around their hooves. They're also the biggest of the drafters. Lhesker is no different. He stands 19 hands tall (a little over 6 feet) at the withers (shoulder) and weighs 85 stone (1200 pounds in Waterdhavian). He's smart and doesn't scare easilly. He is both kind and stubborn, patient with children, and quick to let you know when it's time to quit plowing. He was also 'my' horse.

Lhesker loves a good swim in a creek. He will nearly take your hand off for apples. He learned how to obey leg-commands when Kers rode him, and I finished his 'training'. He's won three pulling competitions in town and placed in one race. Strangely, he's sired nothing but sons, and only one of his sons bore his black coat. Daddy has turned down several buyers in my lifetime after they saw Lhesker at work in the field. One was a lord, I think, if I heard the story right. This makes me kind of feel special--Daddy wouldn't sell Lhesker knowing how much I loved him.

Why am I talking horses again? Simple. I told Eifor last night, after confirming that it was I who asked Mister Lynx to put horses on his axe, that 'Waymoot rides with you'. That's a saying from back home which basically means that, through the horses bred at Waymoot, the town is with you. It makes more sense to me because I'm from there but, saying it to Eifor, made me feel a little better. In a way, he reminds me of Lhesker. Most see him as a big dumb animal, but he really isn't.

Ah, Lhesker, you'd be so jealous of this strange man in my life. Then again, Eifor might be jealous of the attention I'd shower you with.

MLM

[Uniskorne]

You never had to raise your voice to us, Daddy. I can't remember a time when you did. If we failed to obey Momma's orders, all you had to say was "I think I heard your Momma say--" and we'd know we were in trouble. If us girls started getting into it with each other, you'd send us to help Gramma across the field. If the boys got into it, you sent them to split firewood. If, somehow, we persisted in being bad, past the firm warnings, you'd sigh a ragged, resigned sigh and take the horse lead off the hook by the door.

"It shames me to have to do this--I know you're better than this."

Same sentence every time then two lashes, hard, against our rears. No more, no less. There didn't have to be anymore. The words stung worse than the lashings. As we got older, the lash wasn't used. We were adults, and, if we had a problem, we were to talk it out. The one time an argument came to blows between Kers and Jon, Momma threw a pail of water on them. As they spit and sputtered, Daddy said from inside the house:

"Jon, go check the fenceline then come back and tell me about it. Kers, come here, boy."

Two brothers who'd been beating each other bloody now looked at each other in shared fear. I never heard the conversations--Momma herded me and the little ones upstairs to air out the linens--but, by the time we were through, Daddy had finished talking to Kers and had went out to speak with Jon. By sunset, we were eating supper together and nothing was said of it. No fights ever broke out again.

I don't know why I'm remembering all this now. Maybe I'm homesick. Maybe I'm stressed. Maybe I miss when trouble could be cured by a firm, calm talking-to.

Maybe I realize I'm growing up...and I don't like it. The irony is that this is a terribly childish thought...

And I should be better than this, right, Daddy?

MLM

[NESchampion]

Awesome.

[Mizbiz]

Your work is wonderful.

[Lucifer]

Bravo Uni once again the work is almost as wonderful as the author.

[Uniskorne]

I spent an hour playing with the orphans today. I kind of expected the first barrage of questions:

"Why're you so tall?"

"Why do you have spots all over you?"

"Is it true that gingers have no souls?"

Ok, so, maybe, I wasn't ready for that last one (gonna keep an eye on that kid), but it was a question I thought I was ready for that really made me wake up:

"You grew up in a /tree/?"

The questions had come so fast:

"Do you have your Mommy and Daddy?"

Yes.

"You talk funny--where're you from?"

Waymoot in Cormyr.

"Cormyr?" asked the one I'm gonna keep a watch on. "They have castles there--did you live in a castle?"

Nope. I grew up in a tree.

And that's when I heard the giggles and saw the confused/amazed looks. It took me a moment to realize what had caused this reaction. I grew up in a tree. A statement that was just casual fact to me was the most wonderful, most confusing thing they'd ever heard. I was, admittedly, a little embarressed as the flood of responses came. No one else had grown up /in/ a tree. Some remembered houses or cabins /surrounded/ by trees, and, anyways, didn't only /elves/ live in trees? Was I an elf? No, just a human and my Great-Grampa had made this house out of a half-dead tree and that had somehow saved it while protecting his family at the same time and he took this as a sign of Chauntea's approval and...and...

I was rambling. I was suddenly eight springs old again, fingers poking at the freckles on my nose, trying to tell the other kids that they were kisses and the only sound that'd come out was sniffling. I've come to expect the adult questions that no one can ask me anything that embarresses me. But, in the face of this pure honesty, I crumpled. Here they were orphans, and I was the one feeling like I'd grown up without the normal things kids should have growing up.

I suddenly felt like a freak. Then, I felt bad. If I explained to them how nice it was although I shared a room with my younger sisters, and, until recently, the same bed with my older sister, I'd be telling them about things they might never have. But, they were watching me, eyes wide, curious, expecting an answer. So I began the story I'd heard all my life...

"My Great-Grampa, Iesen Martingale, was in love with this beautiful girl named Rose, but her parents wouldn't let her marry a man who didn't own land or have a house. So, one day, as Iesen sat under the boughs of the tree he called home, he realized the tree was sick with bugs. Being Chauntean, he respected Nature and knew that if the tree died that was Nature working, but something drove him to try to remove the bugs. As he did, he was forced deeper and deeper into the tree's trunk until he realized that the hole he'd made was big enough for a room and another next to that one. Then, his carving took him up the trunk in a spiral and another room appeared then another. He stopped his carving and prayed to his Lady because he began to fear he was killing the tree. The wind blew and he smelled roses and knew what was meant to be. A year later, he brought Rose and her parents to the treehouse. A year after that, he bought his first four horses and the land surrounding the tree. Years later, he gave the house to his son, who, years later, gave it to his son, and, as the tree has grown new leaves every year, so have the Martingales."

So, yes, little ones, I grew up in a tree.

(Tried a little ink wash on this picture. Not sure if I like it or not.)

MLM

[Uniskorne]

Lagniappe. Down here it means 'something extra' and, usually, 'something special'. Like finding an onion ring with your fries or, hey, your vacation starts on the day you get paid. Either way, this is, obviously not a Mari journal entry. Or, maybe, it's a strange dream she has one night, filled with unusual weapons, strange clothing, and terms that she doesn't recognize but, somehow, understands. IRL, this is a picture that wouldn't leave me alone then wouldn't agree. It didn't come out exactly as I liked, seeing as it's strangely hard to get that 70's hand-drawn movie poster look. So, it's cheesy, it's wonky, but, hey, it's fun--another take on familiar characters. I mean, seriously, doesn't Mari just rock the Farrah Fawcett hair or what?

[hollyfant]

Is that a "redsploitation" flick?

[Burt]

lul.

[Uniskorne]

I threw a chair. I've never done anything that violent towards a person before. I know it's hard to believe, seeing as my recent choice of life has me battling innumerable assorted threats, but, in all actuality, I've never punched anyone let alone threw anything in anger.

Yes, I was your typical backwoods country girl who tussled with the boys. I'd hit them, but, as any girl knows, it was more like forceful slaps than true balled-fist hitting. I know it might shock people to learn this, but I've only been this tall and strong for a year. All this is new to me, especially my strength.

I told him not to fight me. I warned him fairly not to fight. Then, he ran, really fast, slipping from Mister Slate and the other man's grasp, and my first thought was grab the nearby chair and throw it at the half-orc's legs. The moment it left my hand, I realized that I'd pitched it hard enough to break bones. Somehow, that didn't happen. I felt momentarilly bad. Yes, Bill had committed a crime--dealing drugs--but he didn't deserve to be brutally beaten for it. How were my actions any different from those of the Magistrate's towards Mister Bishop?

And, damned if Mister Noah didn't get me thinking. I serve a Higher Power. I firmly believe that. But what makes it Right? Is this a case of 'Because I said so'? Brenna says it's because I don't go around threatening to kill people's families or worshipping evil deities. But, as Mister Noah says, is that just perspective?

No. I can't afford to have doubt. I'm digging holes to shorten the horse. (That means I'm overcomplicating a simple thing. Another phrase from back home). It's just, looking into Bill's eyes, seeing such hatrid...sometimes you just know you've made an enemy for life. Pastor said that I'm the shining example to others. I threw a chair. What does that say to people? I'd hope it'd say I'm quick to action and resourceful. But, looking at Bill, all I saw was...



MLM

[Burt]

Lovely stories and drawings Uni. Shame your PC is ginger - but nobody is perfect I suppose.

[Uniskorne]

I've been told several times this week that we can't know what the Gods have planned for us. Sadly, it's true.

Almost a year ago, I stepped off the boat onto one of Silverymoon's piers a bright-eyed, slightly naive girl. I couldn't imagine that there would be things I couldn't do, couldn't prevent, couldn't plan for as long as I kept positive. I had complete Faith in my Lord, and, although that hasn't changed, I'm learning that He won't hold my hand for every little thing...and that's the first hard lesson of growing up. All your Life, you pull and fight against your parents, wanting nothing more than for them to let go of your hand so you can run and do what you want to do. For a while, the freedom is nice.

Then, one day, you turn around and realize exactly what it all means--if there's no one holding your hand, it's all in your hands.

It's all in my hands now...and I'm not sure what to do. Oh, I'll serve my new home to the best of my abilities and help my friends and those in need as much as I can, but, at the end of the day, when I hang my sword and shield up, remove the armor, become just Marigold again...there's nothing. The other day, as I walked through the market, fully armored, some girls ran by me. I was shocked to realize they were my age. They seemed so carefree--laughing and talking about upcoming festivals and parties, current city fashion, lessons, boys...When was the last time I was a girl? Just a girl? Over a year ago. I suddenly felt bad. I had left my home and, yes, friends behind with a vague explanation why. In almost a year's time, I hadn't thought about them or being just a girl.

That's when I realized I couldn't be 'just a girl' anymore. I think I've known this for some time but refused to admit it. It felt like doors closed that I hadn't known were still open, and I was now very trapped. Felt like someone else had written this chapter of my life, and I had just absently nodded in agreement without reading what was written. One question just kept coming up again and again: Who the hells are you?

I'm sorry, Eifor, that this maelstrom engulfed you as well. You've been my anchor through the worst that's happened so far. It's unfair that I look at you now, after all we've shared, and wonder if I feel anything at all. You've been so patient, so understanding up 'til now, and I'm forcing you to push those limits. But, one of the things I have to find out is if I love you for you or because of the circumstances surrounding your arrival. Did I go from Lorran to you so easilly because you two were of like hearts? Or because you were the first light that shone in my otherwise darkened days? Am I still kissing you and loving Lorran?

I want to tell you without any doubt that I love you--Gods, I do! Just, right now, I can't. A part of me has blindly traipsed through this past year and is now forced to wake up and grow up. I'm dealing with very serious things and can't afford to play anymore...and one of those things is you, Eifor.

I don't know what the Gods have in store for us, Eifor. If the Gods decide that our Spring is over, I want you to realize that you helped me love again, live again, and I wouldn't change anything that's transpired between us these past few months.

I'm sorry you can't hold my hand right now, Eifor. I have to find the answers for myself.

MLM

[kid]

was worth the wait.
awesome drawing. awesome post.
not sure whish is better...
keep em coming!

at your leisure of course, we should not push the artist... (:

[Uniskorne]

"Dear Family,

I am now a Knight. This happened a few weeks ago, but I've been too busy to write. I'm sorry. Things have been difficult lately, but I am doing fine. I wish I could say more, but I can't talk a lot about what I'm working on right now. Just know I have made small steps for the greater good and feel like I am making a difference.

I miss you all so very much!

Love

Marigold"


I sent the letter off with the first rider to Cormyr. It's probably halfway to them by now. I feel greedy. I still have my family whereas Alyra just lost, as far as I know, her only family. I told her I knew how she felt, but, when I look at it, I really don't. Kers was blood. I grew up with him. Master Garlus wasn't her blood. She said it'd taken a very long time for the dwarves to trust her let alone make her a Samman. She'd fought alongside Master Garlus innumerable times. He'd become her Father.

There's a certain amount of laziness when it comes to blood family. They're always there. Maybe it's the circumstances surrounding those of us who're called 'adventurers'. We build ourselves up to be invincible--maybe even believe it to some small extent--then, when we fall, it comes as a major blow. You get so used to narrow escapes, impossible odds...a part of you thinks that Death is just another thing you can dodge or, if not you, your adopted family. Your adopted family of misfit adventurers become a symbol of your own strength. When the strongest of them fall, what chance do you stand? There isn't that feeling with blood family. At least, not with me.

I feel the ghost of desperation. I feel like a breaker has crumbled, and the inevitable tide is now free to crash upon everyone. Reason (Ha! Skully would love to hear me say that!) states that an evil large enough to take down Master Garlus was always out there, but fear says it rose up specifically to cripple and crush those who stand for 'good'. I walk the walls of Silverymoon and wonder what evil is waiting in the shadows to bring me down. Bring Alyra down. Bring down all those I consider my adopted family.

Someone once told me that the measure of a man was in the deeds he did in his lifetime. I've heard it as the difference he's made in this world, those he's affected. I believe the true measure of anyone is the uncertainty that is left behind when they die and also the determination they inspire in others to measure up to the sense of security they represented in Life.

I'm tired. Rambling. Babbling, like Skully says. I miss her. With Eifor on a 'vision quest', I only have Mister Slate and Cassandra, and, unfortunately, I'm not completely comfortable sharing my feelings with them. So, I keep busy which makes me tired.

Lord, grant those of us that sleep eternally peace and grant those of us that yet live peace enough to sleep.

MLM

(Made and drew a scratch-board picture of Master Garlus. I know it isn't close to him. I only saw him once, and I'll be damned if all I can clearly remember about him was how his eyes crinkled when he smiled and his firm arm-shake.)