A strange feeling passed.
As if calling the prayer, a women I had not seen since my time in sembia appeared. The women, whom I first met, that of Natali.
How strange. How.. very strange. Why have I had such a strange coincidence? What are the odds that the women I first met in a place of darkness, would suddenly be there at the same time I asked the help of her god?
Dalia was healed by His power, He Who Endures.
He was watching us... and me.
**************************************************************
The ceremony was a difficult one. I felt naked bared my soul to the high priest. He said I have caught the eye of two powers, the Hate Lord and the Lady of loss.
He saw deeper and caught sight of the darkness... it saw him back, behined my eyes. It hated him and the Temple. They spoke of removing the taint, and I was suddenly afraid. I remember the attempt in waterdeep. It only brought a way for the evil to send its power and place it within the Ice staff. It almost killed everyone.
The banites may never know the true extent of evil inside the staff. It is a good thing, it was taken from me. I see that now. It was holding me in place, it represented a corruption of a paladins blade by a dark force. The dark force that lives within me, consuming my hatred like nectar.
May they never know its secrets.
What must I do now? I have been initiated to the path of the Broken God, but I know not the first thing. I have taken an oath to bare the pain of others. Part of me rebels, because I do not wish to suffer. I've suffered enough. In seeking a life of comfort and wealth, I simply brought greater burdens.
Perhaps there is a different way. I'm willing to see what Dalia teaches.
What does it mean to ease the suffering of others? I am no healer, my powers bring pain and death. Am I no longer allowed to kill? But allowing monsters to live simply brings even more pain to others. I am not sure what my place is to be, I can not offer healings or any of the traits of the others in the church.
All I can do is bring death. Perhaps, I need to learn to kill without pain.
How much is the darkness influencing me now.
Dark laments of a half-elf
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
It was my first challenge as an a follower of the Broken God.
I failed.
It was going pritty well at first.
Meradoc, Banu and I had travelled to Loudwater, to deal with a few issues in the shining falls where hobgoblins had taken over. It was in the inn and I was sitting with them. I had a few valuable items, and knew I had to be humble enough to give them to those who needed it. Banu smiled at me, obviously enjoying the irony and ready to milk me for all I was worth. I gave up my expensive bow and boots to him.
Ilmetar, doing this really hurts. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
The real challenge came when we heard screams and a woman being struck repeatedly.
I saw each of those blows and was reminded of days when I too was helpless. We all approached but they had gone into the hallway, locking the door behind them. Banu tried to get a key but I could still hear the scream and shouts. I tried to blast open the lock in frustration, but the wood was annoyingly very solid towards spells normally used against living creatures.
It took muscle instead, and thankfully Meradoc and Banu managed to force it open. The momentum was kept up and they smashed open the room they were in.
The lady was in tatters, huddled in the corner. The "man" (Though I use the term loosely) was beating her up for the sake of three gold coins. In this life one sometimes forgets that three gold coins can set you up for three years in a comfortable peasant existence.
I paid what was owed, while the others offered him a drink. The man keeled over asleep. I wonder if it was drugged. "Not bad", I thought to myself.
The women cringed at my touch. She was so afraid, so deathly afraid. I tried to show her my symbol of Ilmater, but it only made her cry more.
"I want to go home" she wailed.
I tried to offer her comfort, tried to tell her it was alright. But I am such a fraud, a fake, for all my empathy I can not break through the cold barrier around me.
She was afraid of me.
In her fear, she ran away. I tried to go after her, but she became lost in the night. As luck would have it, she ran right into a band of orcs. Under the invisibility spell I give chase, Meradoc and Banu doing their best as well. I did alright watching them. But I hate improvising. The invisibility spell makes me a ghost, but I still breathe, leave foot steps, and is a dangerous crutch in these circumstances. I was willing to risk it.
It was all for nothing. We raided the orcs, destroying each and every one of the green skins. We found her body, mutilated and partly eaten. Time was I would have thrown up. Instead I found myself babbling as we walked back to the inn. I was such a mess I didn't even know what day it was.
"Lady, I'm sorry. Ilmater sent me to you, and I know not even your name. You were afraid of me, but we were so alike. I wanted you to live, but nothing I can do will change anything now. Was this to teach me humility? If it was it was a poor lesson. It should not have cost the life of another."
I failed.
It was going pritty well at first.
Meradoc, Banu and I had travelled to Loudwater, to deal with a few issues in the shining falls where hobgoblins had taken over. It was in the inn and I was sitting with them. I had a few valuable items, and knew I had to be humble enough to give them to those who needed it. Banu smiled at me, obviously enjoying the irony and ready to milk me for all I was worth. I gave up my expensive bow and boots to him.
Ilmetar, doing this really hurts. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
The real challenge came when we heard screams and a woman being struck repeatedly.
I saw each of those blows and was reminded of days when I too was helpless. We all approached but they had gone into the hallway, locking the door behind them. Banu tried to get a key but I could still hear the scream and shouts. I tried to blast open the lock in frustration, but the wood was annoyingly very solid towards spells normally used against living creatures.
It took muscle instead, and thankfully Meradoc and Banu managed to force it open. The momentum was kept up and they smashed open the room they were in.
The lady was in tatters, huddled in the corner. The "man" (Though I use the term loosely) was beating her up for the sake of three gold coins. In this life one sometimes forgets that three gold coins can set you up for three years in a comfortable peasant existence.
I paid what was owed, while the others offered him a drink. The man keeled over asleep. I wonder if it was drugged. "Not bad", I thought to myself.
The women cringed at my touch. She was so afraid, so deathly afraid. I tried to show her my symbol of Ilmater, but it only made her cry more.
"I want to go home" she wailed.
I tried to offer her comfort, tried to tell her it was alright. But I am such a fraud, a fake, for all my empathy I can not break through the cold barrier around me.
She was afraid of me.
In her fear, she ran away. I tried to go after her, but she became lost in the night. As luck would have it, she ran right into a band of orcs. Under the invisibility spell I give chase, Meradoc and Banu doing their best as well. I did alright watching them. But I hate improvising. The invisibility spell makes me a ghost, but I still breathe, leave foot steps, and is a dangerous crutch in these circumstances. I was willing to risk it.
It was all for nothing. We raided the orcs, destroying each and every one of the green skins. We found her body, mutilated and partly eaten. Time was I would have thrown up. Instead I found myself babbling as we walked back to the inn. I was such a mess I didn't even know what day it was.
"Lady, I'm sorry. Ilmater sent me to you, and I know not even your name. You were afraid of me, but we were so alike. I wanted you to live, but nothing I can do will change anything now. Was this to teach me humility? If it was it was a poor lesson. It should not have cost the life of another."
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
I write not knowing if this will be my last moments or not.
Indeed I have been given the inn key and a means of escape, but I do not know if I can take it. I know he will be watching, Stan Ardnt.
I met him, as casually as most others. He took me to a corner of secomber, to enjoy the scenery. He took my arm, and for a while treated me like a lady. Things were turning around for me, so I allowed it.
It felt good to finally simply be happy. He told me of his associations with Aaliya and Nawen. My heart suddenly became hopeful though concerned. These were two people I know so little about, and wanted to know more about them. So I simply decided to find out what I could about Aaliya first.
I guess I probed too far. Perhaps it was the way he looked, the way he grabbed my arm tighter, or the round about ways he started to answer. I immediately felt that instinct, of my life being in danger and attempted to flee.
I managed to utter my invisibility spell, when his hands moved like lightning and grabbed me. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed and shouted, pleaded for someone to hear me. No guard could, nobody cared.
He positioned himself behind me, and I grew ever more terrified. He made it very clear it would either be his way or death. At this point, I held the amulet of Ilmetar, thinking of my brave sister. She stood against the dark, and now I too face death. So many ways he could kill me, push me off the cliff, slice my throat, ever more imaginative means came to me. I could feel his hands across my back, and felt certain he will now push me to my death.
I said my prayers to Ilmetar, sorry for being unworthy. It was then that Stan uttered his own words, and I could see ... Them. The shadows, the darkness willing into my heart.
He Who Endures, save me.. please. It was too much and I fainted.
When I came to, Stan had me his prisoner inside the inn. To torture me further, he placed the key in the middle of the room. I looked at it with a pang in my heart, knowing it was not a real way out. Stan was too fast, too strong. My spells were equally useless.
It seems I had indeed become humbled now. There is nothing I can do. I was about as useful as any peasent would be.
"You have joined the path of fools" Stan had said.
That part of me, that small part of me, seemed to take in those words. I denied it as venemously as I could.
Stan said he will show me his ways, towards power and wealth... he was happy as well, that he need not start at the bottom with me. He could probably see my lust.. the lust I have tried to bury. The dreams I once had. The part of me inside grinned, it ravished the promise of gain. But I had taken a vow, I am not... no longer like that. I gave my coin to the church, I proved I could do it. I have seen something so powerful in Dalia it held the dark back. How I wish I could do the same.
With nothing but the amulet Dalia gave me, all of a sudden it became clear what was to happen. I was now to share the pain of that woman I had allowed to die. My failure has become answered into my punishment. I will suffer now... How trapped she must have felt, how powerless. I shuddered, not knowing what Stan planned to do next with me. There was no escape. I doubt anyone would smash the door and save me.
I couldn't help but wonder why was he doing this, what did he hope to gain? A sadistic pleasure perhaps? Nothing sprang to mind, it all seemed senseless.
Stan has now left, and I am free to write my farewells. I hold the supposed key to my freedom, but it will have to wait. I know hes out there, waiting. The hour is now however, I must take my chance.
Ilmetar.. save me.
Indeed I have been given the inn key and a means of escape, but I do not know if I can take it. I know he will be watching, Stan Ardnt.
I met him, as casually as most others. He took me to a corner of secomber, to enjoy the scenery. He took my arm, and for a while treated me like a lady. Things were turning around for me, so I allowed it.
It felt good to finally simply be happy. He told me of his associations with Aaliya and Nawen. My heart suddenly became hopeful though concerned. These were two people I know so little about, and wanted to know more about them. So I simply decided to find out what I could about Aaliya first.
I guess I probed too far. Perhaps it was the way he looked, the way he grabbed my arm tighter, or the round about ways he started to answer. I immediately felt that instinct, of my life being in danger and attempted to flee.
I managed to utter my invisibility spell, when his hands moved like lightning and grabbed me. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed and shouted, pleaded for someone to hear me. No guard could, nobody cared.
He positioned himself behind me, and I grew ever more terrified. He made it very clear it would either be his way or death. At this point, I held the amulet of Ilmetar, thinking of my brave sister. She stood against the dark, and now I too face death. So many ways he could kill me, push me off the cliff, slice my throat, ever more imaginative means came to me. I could feel his hands across my back, and felt certain he will now push me to my death.
I said my prayers to Ilmetar, sorry for being unworthy. It was then that Stan uttered his own words, and I could see ... Them. The shadows, the darkness willing into my heart.
He Who Endures, save me.. please. It was too much and I fainted.
When I came to, Stan had me his prisoner inside the inn. To torture me further, he placed the key in the middle of the room. I looked at it with a pang in my heart, knowing it was not a real way out. Stan was too fast, too strong. My spells were equally useless.
It seems I had indeed become humbled now. There is nothing I can do. I was about as useful as any peasent would be.
"You have joined the path of fools" Stan had said.
That part of me, that small part of me, seemed to take in those words. I denied it as venemously as I could.
Stan said he will show me his ways, towards power and wealth... he was happy as well, that he need not start at the bottom with me. He could probably see my lust.. the lust I have tried to bury. The dreams I once had. The part of me inside grinned, it ravished the promise of gain. But I had taken a vow, I am not... no longer like that. I gave my coin to the church, I proved I could do it. I have seen something so powerful in Dalia it held the dark back. How I wish I could do the same.
With nothing but the amulet Dalia gave me, all of a sudden it became clear what was to happen. I was now to share the pain of that woman I had allowed to die. My failure has become answered into my punishment. I will suffer now... How trapped she must have felt, how powerless. I shuddered, not knowing what Stan planned to do next with me. There was no escape. I doubt anyone would smash the door and save me.
I couldn't help but wonder why was he doing this, what did he hope to gain? A sadistic pleasure perhaps? Nothing sprang to mind, it all seemed senseless.
Stan has now left, and I am free to write my farewells. I hold the supposed key to my freedom, but it will have to wait. I know hes out there, waiting. The hour is now however, I must take my chance.
Ilmetar.. save me.
Last edited by orangetree on Sun Jun 25, 2006 10:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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psycho_leo
- Rust Monster
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2006 2:10 am
- Location: Brazil
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
Back into the security of Daggerford, I am afraid to leave it ever again. I find myself worried all the time. I'll never go alone with any man again. They always want to hurt me. Probably certain women as well.
My friends, Jondo, Meradoc and Banu are constantly fighting the monsters that plague the lands, and I am always fearful of their lives. What would I do should they die?
In the corner of the room, when I'm on my own, I can almost see the dark shadows approach, seeing the pain inside me, whispering to become one with it. The fact that I have company seems to keep it away.
Truth is, I feel that for the first time I'm with a group I might dare to consider friends. Banu makes me smile, with his incredible zest for life. Meradoc is so down to earth and straightforward I feel myself steadied. Jondo wise, almost fatherly.
Some would probably think I should go help them when they fight such impossible odds. The fights that count and matter. The trouble is, I am afraid.
Afraid of death.
I am a pitiful excuse for an illmatri. How do they do it? How can they set aside their fears and gain strength from their words? I think back to when I prayed, it was all just lying to myself. I pray because im afraid, not because im strong. That is the difference.
I am a coward. I guess then I let them fight and keep me safe and secure, I expect other people to fight the battles for me. Its not like that though. Not really. They might even have a better chance without me, as I always mess up or bring the wrath of powerful creatures.
My friends, Jondo, Meradoc and Banu are constantly fighting the monsters that plague the lands, and I am always fearful of their lives. What would I do should they die?
In the corner of the room, when I'm on my own, I can almost see the dark shadows approach, seeing the pain inside me, whispering to become one with it. The fact that I have company seems to keep it away.
Truth is, I feel that for the first time I'm with a group I might dare to consider friends. Banu makes me smile, with his incredible zest for life. Meradoc is so down to earth and straightforward I feel myself steadied. Jondo wise, almost fatherly.
Some would probably think I should go help them when they fight such impossible odds. The fights that count and matter. The trouble is, I am afraid.
Afraid of death.
I am a pitiful excuse for an illmatri. How do they do it? How can they set aside their fears and gain strength from their words? I think back to when I prayed, it was all just lying to myself. I pray because im afraid, not because im strong. That is the difference.
I am a coward. I guess then I let them fight and keep me safe and secure, I expect other people to fight the battles for me. Its not like that though. Not really. They might even have a better chance without me, as I always mess up or bring the wrath of powerful creatures.
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PensivesWetness
- Frost Giant
- Posts: 702
- Joined: Thu Oct 28, 2004 4:25 am
- Location: Cleveland, Ohio (where? whut? dude...)
i really wish i could play....
i wonder, OT~love.... have you met Paazin's PC? (to be sure im not even sure Leareth is alive for that matter)
he's the only active Ilaterite i know of....
/me casts huggle summoning three on you!
i wonder, OT~love.... have you met Paazin's PC? (to be sure im not even sure Leareth is alive for that matter)
he's the only active Ilaterite i know of....
/me casts huggle summoning three on you!
<Gebb> ok, what does it mean to be "huggled"? <spidroth_esq> Something terrible. <Squamatus> buggered <Dran> sodomised <Squamatus> by an acorn on a stick <tresca> LOL <Gebb> that didn't help <alynn>
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
-
orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
Once again I feel that pang of emptiness, having had it so recently- almost believing filled.
I have to remember that these are a group that have dedicated their lives to this path. They probably knew what they wanted from the beginning of their lives. I've just stumbled on to it. Unworthy to all their eyes.
Even here, where humbleness are virtues, there is a very insidious pecking order with me right at the bottom. I have no skills here that would gain me any favors among their hierarchy, certainly not the blessed abilities of priestly healing.
Often I wonder what is it I do here besides sit and do the occasional errend.
The others all seem to look away from me. I had the impression that Illmatar i are virtuous, kind, and in general a good group. I forgot, that these are attriubutes I can only give to Dalia, certainly not to the church as a whole. Just because one is like that does not mean they all are. Some of them can be exceptionally cruel and delight to point out my lackings.
I am alone here, and I can feel the evil underneath this holy place. Does anyone else feel the corruption, or is it only because I am myself not a particularly good ilmatari that I feel it?
I asked the high priest of Dalia, he said shes been away on a mission of sorts. I don't know if I'll be around. The accusing stares are getting harder to ignore.
Why is it in this refuge, I can find none for me?
I have to remember that these are a group that have dedicated their lives to this path. They probably knew what they wanted from the beginning of their lives. I've just stumbled on to it. Unworthy to all their eyes.
Even here, where humbleness are virtues, there is a very insidious pecking order with me right at the bottom. I have no skills here that would gain me any favors among their hierarchy, certainly not the blessed abilities of priestly healing.
Often I wonder what is it I do here besides sit and do the occasional errend.
The others all seem to look away from me. I had the impression that Illmatar i are virtuous, kind, and in general a good group. I forgot, that these are attriubutes I can only give to Dalia, certainly not to the church as a whole. Just because one is like that does not mean they all are. Some of them can be exceptionally cruel and delight to point out my lackings.
I am alone here, and I can feel the evil underneath this holy place. Does anyone else feel the corruption, or is it only because I am myself not a particularly good ilmatari that I feel it?
I asked the high priest of Dalia, he said shes been away on a mission of sorts. I don't know if I'll be around. The accusing stares are getting harder to ignore.
Why is it in this refuge, I can find none for me?
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
Fate is strange. But then, I'm sure I've already said that before, but I'll still say it again.
I met the paladin, Kalev.
Yes Kalev, who's blade I had corrupted with darkness and made into the staff all those years ago. The staff of ice, made for my hand. I wonder what that means for us? Kalev must have wondered what became of his sword, I told him it was now held by the banites and I could not be happier to be finally released.
Kalev felt I had changed. I don't think he knows me well enough even then, or now for that thought. I feel a measure of guilt for what I had put him through. He was hurt badly by the evil forces that somehow plague me. Its no wonder he decided to put that and me aside.
I wonder if he ever thought about me. Truly, I wonder. We had met once before, in Neverwinter when I was but starting my journey. He seemed to look right past me, as they all did.
Afterall, I was but a stranger in a strange land.
Now that he has seen me though, he is aware my troubles are not yet over. I have some relief he is around, as now I have a person of strong standing that can tell people I'm not crazy. I already had the high priest, but having another certainly can not hurt.
However, I feel fear as well.
The key the banites gave me almost resonates when I have it in the temple. I feel so ashamed I had forgotten it. Is it my imagination, or does it call through the seal... what is my purpose here? Will I bring ruin to the temple that has sheltered me?
I hope not.
I met the paladin, Kalev.
Yes Kalev, who's blade I had corrupted with darkness and made into the staff all those years ago. The staff of ice, made for my hand. I wonder what that means for us? Kalev must have wondered what became of his sword, I told him it was now held by the banites and I could not be happier to be finally released.
Kalev felt I had changed. I don't think he knows me well enough even then, or now for that thought. I feel a measure of guilt for what I had put him through. He was hurt badly by the evil forces that somehow plague me. Its no wonder he decided to put that and me aside.
I wonder if he ever thought about me. Truly, I wonder. We had met once before, in Neverwinter when I was but starting my journey. He seemed to look right past me, as they all did.
Afterall, I was but a stranger in a strange land.
Now that he has seen me though, he is aware my troubles are not yet over. I have some relief he is around, as now I have a person of strong standing that can tell people I'm not crazy. I already had the high priest, but having another certainly can not hurt.
However, I feel fear as well.
The key the banites gave me almost resonates when I have it in the temple. I feel so ashamed I had forgotten it. Is it my imagination, or does it call through the seal... what is my purpose here? Will I bring ruin to the temple that has sheltered me?
I hope not.
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
It was so hot it was cold. So cold it was hot. Like a thousand needles prickling through my body. I could feel myself being twisted from the inside, as if my guts were being forced into unnatural configurations. I bought an ale to steady myself, but the- what ever it is, wouldn't calm down.
I get like this sometimes. The magic is so volatile, its ridiculous to think I could ever truly control it. I was never meant to. I clasped the Periapt around my neck, drawing on the wisdom of the church..
The wisdom is like a drop of oil on the stormy sea. I can almost see the horizons when I hold it tightly. My mind is open to this incredible feeling. For a moment I could understand what true wisdom is. How the life I have lead is but immersible, yet finite. The way I act being a barrier to what I want. For a while I would know truth of the heart.
Truth stings and I hate to hold it too long. But wisdom is comforting at the same time. A dichotomy that is also bridged by the periapt. So many ideas are within this simple gem, its no wonder its coveted by the high priests.
A surge of ice ran from my finger tips, freezing the ale. Damn! please let nobody have seen it... I remember in waterdeep... I don't want to repeat it.
I can not believe how unstable my powers had become recently. Its probably because I'm under pressure. The... energies behind my eyes seem to hover like fireflies, trailing dust and patterns there even when I shut them out.
I don't want to see this!
They seem to open up as if a fruit had been pealed, revealing layers upon layers of energy. Where before I simply crossed to another side of magics, this was digging deeper. I felt so lost in what I was seeing. I tried to turn away from it.
They tell me I let power go to my head. That I am unworthy to be in the church because of what I can do. My powers do not come from any god, its a mockery of wizardry. Untamed and uncontrollable, capable of bringing the end.
I could see my capacity for destruction, seemingly increase. No! No! No! The magic didn't seem to care what I felt. It continued to twist inside, applying pressure to my head.
I made an excuse to those around the table with me. At least.. I think they were around the table. I couldn't really be sure of anything I was seeing. Everything felt so unreal, like I was looking at the world through a painting. I was distant... someplace else. I was moving through that other place, partially.
In my room, I forced the magic down. It just came back up high with a vengeance, this time nearly tearing apart my sanity. My hand immediately went for the periapt once more. I tried to find some way out of the maze I was being drawn in to.
I could see the necromantic contamination... with the power of the periapt, I immediately ceased my chance to be rid of it. With that energy gone, my strength to control what was happening to me seemed to increase. I felt a sense of elation.
But for every magic I took away three more took their place.
I focused on the periapt.. thinking of stillness... oneness... trying to find a sense of order in chaos. Trying desperately to find the control I had once lost. The periapt seemed to trickle its vast wisdom into me, it too trying to find my mind in the storm.
Then.. it all became calm.
************************************************************
I'm not sure how long it was when I found myself sitting up. I don't even remember going to bed, or rising from it.
I was.. better? I feel different but... somethings different. I suddenly felt afraid, and quickly ran on my first instinct to the mirror. The monster was still there, I thought with a sigh. I glanced around, removed my hood to see once more my ridiculous ears. I leaned closer to the mirror, turning my head on its side. They seemed... bigger? Argh! Disgusting.
I then looked at my eyes. I try not to look at my eyes too much and can not recall the last time I had. This time I felt I had to look deeper.. the windows of the soul. I took a step into thinking how oddly shaped those windows are. Were they.. slanted? I blinked and looked again. My face was pressed right up to the glass. No... I almost cried to myself. I thought I was spared the strange elven eyes. I never really noticed it. They seemed- my eyes seemed to be at a slightly off angle, and a bit too long.. I closed one eye to try and see if that helps what I was seeing, but it did not. Pulling at the skin to try and make it look more normal didn't work either.
Eyebrows.. face.. hands... legs... what else did the elven blood do to me inside? Is my heart the same as a humans? It beats... but there's no way to know if anything in me is the same or just alien.
All I know is my appearance seems to be more alien as I mature. I put on my cloak and hood, and get ready for the next day. I took some comfort that its only really noticable if you really are looking for it.
I get like this sometimes. The magic is so volatile, its ridiculous to think I could ever truly control it. I was never meant to. I clasped the Periapt around my neck, drawing on the wisdom of the church..
The wisdom is like a drop of oil on the stormy sea. I can almost see the horizons when I hold it tightly. My mind is open to this incredible feeling. For a moment I could understand what true wisdom is. How the life I have lead is but immersible, yet finite. The way I act being a barrier to what I want. For a while I would know truth of the heart.
Truth stings and I hate to hold it too long. But wisdom is comforting at the same time. A dichotomy that is also bridged by the periapt. So many ideas are within this simple gem, its no wonder its coveted by the high priests.
A surge of ice ran from my finger tips, freezing the ale. Damn! please let nobody have seen it... I remember in waterdeep... I don't want to repeat it.
I can not believe how unstable my powers had become recently. Its probably because I'm under pressure. The... energies behind my eyes seem to hover like fireflies, trailing dust and patterns there even when I shut them out.
I don't want to see this!
They seem to open up as if a fruit had been pealed, revealing layers upon layers of energy. Where before I simply crossed to another side of magics, this was digging deeper. I felt so lost in what I was seeing. I tried to turn away from it.
They tell me I let power go to my head. That I am unworthy to be in the church because of what I can do. My powers do not come from any god, its a mockery of wizardry. Untamed and uncontrollable, capable of bringing the end.
I could see my capacity for destruction, seemingly increase. No! No! No! The magic didn't seem to care what I felt. It continued to twist inside, applying pressure to my head.
I made an excuse to those around the table with me. At least.. I think they were around the table. I couldn't really be sure of anything I was seeing. Everything felt so unreal, like I was looking at the world through a painting. I was distant... someplace else. I was moving through that other place, partially.
In my room, I forced the magic down. It just came back up high with a vengeance, this time nearly tearing apart my sanity. My hand immediately went for the periapt once more. I tried to find some way out of the maze I was being drawn in to.
I could see the necromantic contamination... with the power of the periapt, I immediately ceased my chance to be rid of it. With that energy gone, my strength to control what was happening to me seemed to increase. I felt a sense of elation.
But for every magic I took away three more took their place.
I focused on the periapt.. thinking of stillness... oneness... trying to find a sense of order in chaos. Trying desperately to find the control I had once lost. The periapt seemed to trickle its vast wisdom into me, it too trying to find my mind in the storm.
Then.. it all became calm.
************************************************************
I'm not sure how long it was when I found myself sitting up. I don't even remember going to bed, or rising from it.
I was.. better? I feel different but... somethings different. I suddenly felt afraid, and quickly ran on my first instinct to the mirror. The monster was still there, I thought with a sigh. I glanced around, removed my hood to see once more my ridiculous ears. I leaned closer to the mirror, turning my head on its side. They seemed... bigger? Argh! Disgusting.
I then looked at my eyes. I try not to look at my eyes too much and can not recall the last time I had. This time I felt I had to look deeper.. the windows of the soul. I took a step into thinking how oddly shaped those windows are. Were they.. slanted? I blinked and looked again. My face was pressed right up to the glass. No... I almost cried to myself. I thought I was spared the strange elven eyes. I never really noticed it. They seemed- my eyes seemed to be at a slightly off angle, and a bit too long.. I closed one eye to try and see if that helps what I was seeing, but it did not. Pulling at the skin to try and make it look more normal didn't work either.
Eyebrows.. face.. hands... legs... what else did the elven blood do to me inside? Is my heart the same as a humans? It beats... but there's no way to know if anything in me is the same or just alien.
All I know is my appearance seems to be more alien as I mature. I put on my cloak and hood, and get ready for the next day. I took some comfort that its only really noticable if you really are looking for it.
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
I feel lost and alone.
I have found out Dalia's gone some place rather far, and I don't know if I'll be around to wait. I have not been able to do very well with the other Ilmatari.
I wonder what it was that I did, to be abandoned like this. I guess I was just unworthy in their eyes. I hate priests and those who serve the divine so much it hurts. I have been let down by priests before. I have learned to expect absolutely nothing from them. This time was different. I wanted to believe Dalia was special. Different. Nobody had ever got so close to my heart, and nobody has wounded me so deeply either.
I wonder where I could go. I am so unwanted here. People avoid me as much as I avoid them. There's just no place for me in the temple.
The banites have offered me a home...
I have the key still. A constant reminder of a place I am welcomed in. A place which... could be a home. I can't though. I just.. can't. I have become weak, and foolish. Where once I had pride, strength, determination, all I have now are the dark shadows hovering at the edge of my consciousness. They whisper the negative aspects of me all the time.
"I was abandoned by my parents. Abandoned by friends. Abandoned by priests I opened up to." You are a blight upon this land, an affront to the senses of others. You are cruel, because your life was cruel. There is no changing this. Why do you pretend to care? You know you do not.
I just want them to shut up! "Dalia-" Dalia abandoned you as well. Dalia cared nothing for you.
"But she did save me?" Perhaps she thought you worth saving before, but look at you now. You are nothing! She left where she could do more good then she could ever accomplish with you. Good deeds that would be better accomplished without you. Effort on you is wasted.
"The.. high priest he likes me. Hes kind-" Ha! the high Adorned asked Dalia to guide you. Dalia would never have gone against his word. No doubt hes now asked all to leave you alone. Pathetic Ilmatari, go back to your godless ways. Go back to faithlessness. You are beyond even that of Shar! You could only beg that She would remove your memories but you have spurned Her. Even the paladin Kalev is sickened by you! And when you take your final embrace of The Wall, it will be as if you never existed. A pointless, pitiful creature.
"..."
I have found out Dalia's gone some place rather far, and I don't know if I'll be around to wait. I have not been able to do very well with the other Ilmatari.
I wonder what it was that I did, to be abandoned like this. I guess I was just unworthy in their eyes. I hate priests and those who serve the divine so much it hurts. I have been let down by priests before. I have learned to expect absolutely nothing from them. This time was different. I wanted to believe Dalia was special. Different. Nobody had ever got so close to my heart, and nobody has wounded me so deeply either.
I wonder where I could go. I am so unwanted here. People avoid me as much as I avoid them. There's just no place for me in the temple.
The banites have offered me a home...
I have the key still. A constant reminder of a place I am welcomed in. A place which... could be a home. I can't though. I just.. can't. I have become weak, and foolish. Where once I had pride, strength, determination, all I have now are the dark shadows hovering at the edge of my consciousness. They whisper the negative aspects of me all the time.
"I was abandoned by my parents. Abandoned by friends. Abandoned by priests I opened up to." You are a blight upon this land, an affront to the senses of others. You are cruel, because your life was cruel. There is no changing this. Why do you pretend to care? You know you do not.
I just want them to shut up! "Dalia-" Dalia abandoned you as well. Dalia cared nothing for you.
"But she did save me?" Perhaps she thought you worth saving before, but look at you now. You are nothing! She left where she could do more good then she could ever accomplish with you. Good deeds that would be better accomplished without you. Effort on you is wasted.
"The.. high priest he likes me. Hes kind-" Ha! the high Adorned asked Dalia to guide you. Dalia would never have gone against his word. No doubt hes now asked all to leave you alone. Pathetic Ilmatari, go back to your godless ways. Go back to faithlessness. You are beyond even that of Shar! You could only beg that She would remove your memories but you have spurned Her. Even the paladin Kalev is sickened by you! And when you take your final embrace of The Wall, it will be as if you never existed. A pointless, pitiful creature.
"..."
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
It was today I met the infamous Alice. A child, powerful in her own way... gifted. Her eyes see through you, transparent.
Would that I could have had that power. She would always know friends from foe, those who mean her harm to those who would mean her nothing but aid. She and I are similar... I think. Shes touched by darkness, but its not asserted itself in her. Perhaps.. she could be saved. The shadows want her, just as they wanted me before.
Its claimed she could trace your parrentage... I wonder if I should. I was tempted to ask her right there and then, who my real parents are.
I told her some stupid story, of a butterfly and rat like rabbits. Don't ask why, I guess it was the amulet talking. She smiled, and seemed happy. I am.. not good with children, in truth. I'll mess it up eventually. Now.. more then ever. I have had to give up the only thing that ever gave me strength.
You see, I have given up the amulet.
The amulet was a gift from a fellow illmatari. A drop of wisdom on the ocean of madness. I have never felt its peace as much as I had before. My burdens were eased, and I could almost see myself happy.
Wisdom has a terrible price though. You know there comes a time when you have to give it up. You have to give it to someone who shares the same pain, and hope it can guide them. I saw my sister Natali.. in such pain. I am reminded of the time she refused to don the robes of illmatar. To me, they are just robes.
I gave her the amulet.
Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do. She says by accepting it, she has now broken her vows and thus I have killed her. I have given up the most powerful artifact I have ever seen, next to my ice staff. The only trouble is this time, I gave it up willingly. I lack the wisdom now to think why I did it.
I didn't want to see her harmed, but by doing this I've killed her. So now she wears it, and seems unchanged. Clinging to her path of pain.. and I am drawn perilously close to mine now.
I will... miss the feeling of knowing things. it hurts, more then anything else I have ever bared. Its worse then loosing the staff... I have lost a vital piece of my mind. It had become so much a part of my thinking, that now I am lost without it. I try to think to myself im only going through a withdrawal, its bound to be hard at first.
The wisdom is still in there, somewhere. Just.. locked. I can not possibly help Alice now. I have killed us all, and sent a valuable item to its end. I have killed my sister and fellow illmatarian, all because I dared to think I could fix her troubled soul. Wisdom... heh. Its not worth it. Not at all. It now hurts to think so much... my mind feels like its drunk.
Lost.. so.. lost.
Would that I could have had that power. She would always know friends from foe, those who mean her harm to those who would mean her nothing but aid. She and I are similar... I think. Shes touched by darkness, but its not asserted itself in her. Perhaps.. she could be saved. The shadows want her, just as they wanted me before.
Its claimed she could trace your parrentage... I wonder if I should. I was tempted to ask her right there and then, who my real parents are.
I told her some stupid story, of a butterfly and rat like rabbits. Don't ask why, I guess it was the amulet talking. She smiled, and seemed happy. I am.. not good with children, in truth. I'll mess it up eventually. Now.. more then ever. I have had to give up the only thing that ever gave me strength.
You see, I have given up the amulet.
The amulet was a gift from a fellow illmatari. A drop of wisdom on the ocean of madness. I have never felt its peace as much as I had before. My burdens were eased, and I could almost see myself happy.
Wisdom has a terrible price though. You know there comes a time when you have to give it up. You have to give it to someone who shares the same pain, and hope it can guide them. I saw my sister Natali.. in such pain. I am reminded of the time she refused to don the robes of illmatar. To me, they are just robes.
I gave her the amulet.
Perhaps it was the wrong thing to do. She says by accepting it, she has now broken her vows and thus I have killed her. I have given up the most powerful artifact I have ever seen, next to my ice staff. The only trouble is this time, I gave it up willingly. I lack the wisdom now to think why I did it.
I didn't want to see her harmed, but by doing this I've killed her. So now she wears it, and seems unchanged. Clinging to her path of pain.. and I am drawn perilously close to mine now.
I will... miss the feeling of knowing things. it hurts, more then anything else I have ever bared. Its worse then loosing the staff... I have lost a vital piece of my mind. It had become so much a part of my thinking, that now I am lost without it. I try to think to myself im only going through a withdrawal, its bound to be hard at first.
The wisdom is still in there, somewhere. Just.. locked. I can not possibly help Alice now. I have killed us all, and sent a valuable item to its end. I have killed my sister and fellow illmatarian, all because I dared to think I could fix her troubled soul. Wisdom... heh. Its not worth it. Not at all. It now hurts to think so much... my mind feels like its drunk.
Lost.. so.. lost.
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
Its been a while since I have lived in Triboar now. I enjoy travelling the different towns, the roads are generally safe at least during the day. I am drawn to many of the problems I find here.
Marshal Wolfril lingers on my thoughts often. I've spent a great deal of time with him, hes not what I expected a man of law and order to be. There's a certain sensitivity to him I find welcoming. He even lives in a tent.
I felt so embarrassed when I woke him, thinking the shadows had returned, only to find it was just a ferret.
But that was nothing compared to the embarrassment of feeling my ears twitch about to the strange sounds of a fey dragon. The buzzing sound was so unusual, teasing my senses. Each time my ears twitched it pushed slightly against my hood, my ugliness animated. I pray Wolfril never saw it. I have no control over such things, I try to remind myself.
Anyway, we certainly can not allow alice to remain in a tent for long. Though I hate to surround her with huge walls and wards, for the sake of her well being I don't think there's much choice.
**********************************************************
You know how much I hate elves? They speak always in riddles, and if you ask them a question they tend to answer with omission. Elves... anyway, one particular elf has told me what I assume is just elven humor. I have known I might live longer, I assumed eighty, ninety... daring on an unlikely hundred. just under twice the lifespan of a human. It wouldn't be so bad to live that long. However, this elf has informed me I would live for two hundred years.
Two hundred years?!
Obviously a joke. It is well known elves treat time differently, perhaps they have a different calendar. I would go mad if I lived that long. Everyone I know would be dead before I had even lived half my life time were that really the case. Speaking to a few others, they don't really know either how long an elf blood lives assuming it the same amount I did. I take some comfort in that.
You have to take everything an elf says with a pinch of salt. Liars, the lot of them.
********************************************************
Natali has returned. A lot of feelings poured through me as I saw her ragged form. The instinct to both punch her and hug her. (is this really what having a sister like?) I spoke though it felt like another was speaking for me. I was guarded, she had hurt me greatly and I wasn't sure what she would do next.
She bawled like a baby, and I felt my heart crack. I tried to give her what she needed. However, what she needed was something I never had. How could I even know how to give it? Understanding, compassion, would these gifts simply be considered an insult like my wisdom gem was?
I hope she might help me with Alice, until we find a solution. The tournament in Daggerford has also got my attention... I think I would like to go see it. I promised wolfril ill stick around for abit though. Hope it works out.
Marshal Wolfril lingers on my thoughts often. I've spent a great deal of time with him, hes not what I expected a man of law and order to be. There's a certain sensitivity to him I find welcoming. He even lives in a tent.
I felt so embarrassed when I woke him, thinking the shadows had returned, only to find it was just a ferret.
But that was nothing compared to the embarrassment of feeling my ears twitch about to the strange sounds of a fey dragon. The buzzing sound was so unusual, teasing my senses. Each time my ears twitched it pushed slightly against my hood, my ugliness animated. I pray Wolfril never saw it. I have no control over such things, I try to remind myself.
Anyway, we certainly can not allow alice to remain in a tent for long. Though I hate to surround her with huge walls and wards, for the sake of her well being I don't think there's much choice.
**********************************************************
You know how much I hate elves? They speak always in riddles, and if you ask them a question they tend to answer with omission. Elves... anyway, one particular elf has told me what I assume is just elven humor. I have known I might live longer, I assumed eighty, ninety... daring on an unlikely hundred. just under twice the lifespan of a human. It wouldn't be so bad to live that long. However, this elf has informed me I would live for two hundred years.
Two hundred years?!
Obviously a joke. It is well known elves treat time differently, perhaps they have a different calendar. I would go mad if I lived that long. Everyone I know would be dead before I had even lived half my life time were that really the case. Speaking to a few others, they don't really know either how long an elf blood lives assuming it the same amount I did. I take some comfort in that.
You have to take everything an elf says with a pinch of salt. Liars, the lot of them.
********************************************************
Natali has returned. A lot of feelings poured through me as I saw her ragged form. The instinct to both punch her and hug her. (is this really what having a sister like?) I spoke though it felt like another was speaking for me. I was guarded, she had hurt me greatly and I wasn't sure what she would do next.
She bawled like a baby, and I felt my heart crack. I tried to give her what she needed. However, what she needed was something I never had. How could I even know how to give it? Understanding, compassion, would these gifts simply be considered an insult like my wisdom gem was?
I hope she might help me with Alice, until we find a solution. The tournament in Daggerford has also got my attention... I think I would like to go see it. I promised wolfril ill stick around for abit though. Hope it works out.
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orangetree
- Dungeon Master
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:10 pm
- Location: UK (GMT)
I leave Triboar bound for daggerford, ready to enter the tournament. I am feeling very enthusiastic.
Ive many thoughts that drift me with the desire to attack and fight.
I met Iseniel again. So... I decided to try and bury the hatchet. I'm not sure what exactly was said as my head reeled at the phrase she spoke:
"the humans are better then you" said the elven lady.
I mumbled a thanks, though I was taken aback.
She told me that I will live for two hundred years, and now she mocks me. I am a poor elf, and a poor human. Why must she torment me? I came to her trying to put my prejudices aside. I even said I was sorry!
but no.. its never enough. Wolfril was right, this particular elf has the habit of telling the truth. I know I'm not as good as humans. Not.. really. Just a freakish middle thing.
I have promised wolfril I will return. Its.. hard for me, thinking about last week when he wanted to see me as I really was. I wanted to just disappear. My illusion of self... shattering. He couldn't understand what he was asking. I try to remember that.
I want to prove that I am not just a weak half breed. I want to show them I can fight as good as any of them. I want the church to know what I am when put into a corner. I want them to see... my pain.
Ive many thoughts that drift me with the desire to attack and fight.
I met Iseniel again. So... I decided to try and bury the hatchet. I'm not sure what exactly was said as my head reeled at the phrase she spoke:
"the humans are better then you" said the elven lady.
I mumbled a thanks, though I was taken aback.
She told me that I will live for two hundred years, and now she mocks me. I am a poor elf, and a poor human. Why must she torment me? I came to her trying to put my prejudices aside. I even said I was sorry!
but no.. its never enough. Wolfril was right, this particular elf has the habit of telling the truth. I know I'm not as good as humans. Not.. really. Just a freakish middle thing.
I have promised wolfril I will return. Its.. hard for me, thinking about last week when he wanted to see me as I really was. I wanted to just disappear. My illusion of self... shattering. He couldn't understand what he was asking. I try to remember that.
I want to prove that I am not just a weak half breed. I want to show them I can fight as good as any of them. I want the church to know what I am when put into a corner. I want them to see... my pain.