Songs of Alora Tuffet-Hopper

[Akivaria]

A Jingle for the Sewers (Performed in a sing-song style with a goblin mask on)

Welcome to the sewers, you idiots
Welcome to the sewers, you fools
Roll out the golden carpet
Pillage this chest of lovely jewels
Yes, welcome to the sewers, you fools!

Come down into the darkness, it's lovely
Come down into the darkness, it's grand
Trust that we have puppies
And the buxomest wenches in the land
Yes, come down to the darkness, it's grand!

Goblins are your friend, child, just trust us.
Yes goblins are your friend, child. Come near!
We've lots of toys and goodies
And you have naught at all to fear!
Yes, goblins are your friends now, come near!

Ignore that rotting corpse now, young warrior!
Ignore that other carcass, too, brave knight!
You'll gain great fame and glory
All it takes is just a little fight!
Yes, just ignore the deaders, young knight!

Welcome to the sewers, you idiots
Welcome to the sewers, you fools
If you believe this garbage
We'll gladly have you, we're not cruel
Yes, welcome to the sewers you fools!

Welcome to the sewers, you foooools!

[ayergo]

I wonder if I can make the goblins sing this over their victims.... hmmm....

[ImStrokerAce]

Most excellent I say; most excellent!

[Akivaria]

I wonder if I can make the goblins sing this over their victims.... hmmm....

You can. The old Wulf's tavern in Icewind Dale had text popups from the NPC's. They had to turn them off though because they could get spammy.

[Akivaria]

The Goblins and the Cocky Knight

Sometimes in life, you see, good friends
Things can happen that are, say, remarkable
One of these is a knight named Kalo
And his quite unconventional “arsenal”

It takes much more than a rust beast, even two
To put a nick in Sir Kalo’s tools
For a sword as mighty and proud as his
Is like to make all the young maidens drool

Even has his friends flee, struck with abject terror
Great Kalo stands firm, solid, even oaken
A rust beast might peel away his metal plate
But his legendary sword is no mere token

So should you find a horde of angry goblins
And no choice but to quit the field
Stand behind brave Kalo, his codpiece unpadded
For it’s basically a damn tower shield

[Akivaria]

*The hin demands that the drunks shut up for a few seconds before she sings, in a moment of silence*

A Song for My Friends

A good friend and trapbreaker
The first to go was Thorv
I drank too much at your funeral
As befits a noble dwarf

Next to die was Uda’thoin
Which, honestly, I rather expected
For if he wasn’t charging headlong into battle
It left him a wee bit dejected

Rune and Igneous, though nice enough
I hardly even knew ye
This world can be more than a little rough
And the goblins loved to stew ye

Cullen’s passing saddened me
I may have kicked his dead body
We’ll place a plaque near your favorite privy
Something a fair bit gawdy

I called Tegrin a wool-headed paladin
But he was strong and his battle cry loud
I hope you’ve forgiven me my jokes
And are slaughtering owlbears in the clouds

*When finished, she demands that the drunks raise their ales in salute*

[Gaia_Nostra]

[Cleasor]

Well done Akivaria! We all hope there is little future moribund material for your songs.

[Akivaria]

A Song for Dinghy's Big Day - (In honor of the Christening of Jackman Hull's ship)

To my good friend Captain Dinghy
May your party be a grand success
T'is better than this shitty wagon
Giving my arse a painful abscess

I hope you know I'd rather be
Drinking up your ale for free
Touring is great for the coin chest
But mostly it sucks for me

Try not to get the syphilis
Or fill your pants with fleas
The ladies down round dockside
Are renowned for their extra sleaze

And fret not, my Dinghy, for upon my return
You can take me for a lovely sailing
Just ignore the occasional vomitous groan
And the hin leaning over the railing

[Peter_Abelard]

Almost as good as Alora being there...almost.

Great to have another Alora tune to hum as Arryn walks the gritty streets!

[valn99]

[Akivaria]

The halfling bard seems to have changed somewhat. She wears a beautiful silk gold and white casual dress. Her hair is styled impeccably and makeup subdued and perfect. She wears a pair of ladies gloves and stands with perfect posture as she sings.

The drunks yawn with boredom as she sings. Some mock her subtly.

___

The World is a Wonderful Place

It's lovely to be happy
To feel the sun on one's face
Clearheaded, bright and colorful
The world is a wonderful place

From the wee little doormouse
To the nobleowoman draped in lace
It's a glorious time to be alive
Our city is a wonderful place

One night upon the mountain
I looked up into space
A billion stars looked back and smiled
The world is a wonderful place

A feather pillow 'neath my head
And my bed a luxurious base
How could I waste the day in bed
When awaits such a wonderful place

The world is a wonderful place, everyone
A truly wonderful place!

[Akivaria]

*A scrawled unattributed lyric on the inside of a caravan wagon, somewhere south of Waterdeep*

A coin rolling through his fingers
The elf sits across from me
With a single good eye he stares
Unsettling he is, a sight to see

The short one archs an annoyed brow
Defiantly she stares right back
The fook you want you pickled shrew?
And he coughed with a violent hack

Gathering himself, he sat up straight
You know, you're right my wee friend
Let me fill your belly by way of thanks
A burgundy bottle in his gloved hand

My rump recovered and head cleared
The jostling stirred me from my rest
To where, oh where did the elf disappear?
And why does my head feel so suddenly stressed?

Gloriously so, the sun atopped the hill
Beautious red, orange, and lavender hues
Misplaced memories, what care have I?
In the face of such magnificent views!

[Peter_Abelard]

The plot thickens! And tastier still for being sprinkled with rhyme. Thanks, Akki! Hope to see Lady Hopper in game soon.

Cheers, Peter

[dergon darkhelm]

I really enjoy these entries.