The Akbar and Renunzio Radio Show (18+)

[ewayneself]

Mojo

Starring: Akbar and Renunzio

Akbar akh Asad: How is the reading going?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh... I think I've had a breakthrough... but it might be cheating...

Akbar akh Asad: Cheating? What do you mean?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I was reading and staring at the page really hard, and humming to myself... and the mojo started to flow.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: The words on the page started to look familiar... and make sense.... and then... I was so startled I lost my concentration. I will have to try again.

Akbar akh Asad: Ah. *frowns* The mojo.
Akbar akh Asad: What /is/ the mojo?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Mojo is the energy with which I heal and make things happen.

Akbar akh Asad: But what /is/ it? Is it power from your god?
Akbar akh Asad: Is your god named mojo?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It usually comes with music... or it is like music sort of.. the same place my songs come from....

Akbar akh Asad: What can you do with your mojo?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It has a lot to do with wanting something so bad that the universe just sort of shrugs and says "Fine, just shut up about it already".

Akbar akh Asad: *grins*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I can heal... i can tell a joke that renders a person helpless... I can make a really loud noise froma distance... I can put people to sleep...

Akbar akh Asad: You can tell a joke....
Akbar akh Asad: Then you can practically do anything. If you want it badly enough.
Akbar akh Asad: And pester the universe long enough.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I can convince people that I am their very best friend.

Akbar akh Asad: *smiles* You convinced me of that without mojo.
Akbar akh Asad: Or maybe it /was/ mojo.
Akbar akh Asad: And I did not know it.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No...if it was mojo...it would wear off after a while.

Akbar akh Asad: So tell me this joke.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You don't want me to tell the joke.

Akbar akh Asad: The joke. Tell it.
Akbar akh Asad: It is funny, yes?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It may make you pee yourself.

Akbar akh Asad: It would not. I am a servant of Nobanion! My bladder is like a camel's hump.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *leans on the table*
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Are you sure?

Akbar akh Asad: Tell your joke.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Right.

Akbar akh Asad: I listen.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: How do you impregnate a virgin?

Akbar akh Asad: *frowns* What sort of question is that?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You fornicate with her.

Akbar akh Asad: I thought you were going to tell a joke, not....

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Grand...

Akbar akh Asad: Not say something like that to me.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It didn't work.

Akbar akh Asad: It was not even funny. And it was vulgar.
Akbar akh Asad: Renunzio. I expect better from you. Well. I expect vulgar. But also funny!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well it works better on goblins... it might be translation.

Akbar akh Asad: Perhaps it was timing.
Akbar akh Asad: Is there not something in joke-telling about timing?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Yes... perhaps I should try another...

Akbar akh Asad: Yes. Yes. Tell another.
Akbar akh Asad: How about a joke that has the knocking in it.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Right.....

Akbar akh Asad: Those are always funny.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You start

Akbar akh Asad: Okay, then.
Akbar akh Asad: Knock-knock!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Who's there?

Akbar akh Asad: Er...

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Gotcha

Akbar akh Asad: HAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Akbar akh Asad: HAHAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Didn't see that one coming, did you?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: *winks*

Akbar akh Asad: Oh... oh... Nobanion's gasses....

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Wow.. you got over that one pretty quick..

Akbar akh Asad: *plops back in the chair* It was funny good times! But... it hurt some....
Akbar akh Asad: *holds his side*
Akbar akh Asad: As if I did not intend or expect to laugh.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Sorry about that.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: The trick, is to whisper a good joke in the middle of a fight...
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And then... while they are laughing... whack the bejeebies out of them...

Akbar akh Asad: *nods* That sounds like good plan.
Akbar akh Asad: In fight, you tell joke. I wack bejeebus.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Works for me.

Akbar akh Asad: Let us go to Red Rock! I tell this new joke to Laurelin!
Akbar akh Asad: Or to Teia!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Um... I will have to rest before I can put mojo into another joke...

Akbar akh Asad: Oh... Right. It was the mojo that made it funny. Not the joke.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Those jokes were bad enough that they took a lot of mojo.

Akbar akh Asad: Renunzio.
Akbar akh Asad: I tell you a secret.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I will try to keep it.

Akbar akh Asad: Maybe I did pee myself, just a little.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I won't tell.

[RangerDeWood]

lmao. I think that that story had explosive laughter runes cast on it

I think I just found my new sig line

[ewayneself]

Macho

Starring: Akbar and Renunzio

Renunzio Buonofortuna: If I could perfect the pee yourself mojo.... it could be a whole new arena in battle...

Akbar akh Asad: *puts finger to side of nose*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Make them pee themselves, and then have them struck by lightning...
Renunzio Buonofortuna: FOOOOOOOM!

Akbar akh Asad: *nods* The oasis between the legs.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *looks around* Woops... got a little carried away there.

Akbar akh Asad: It would be uncomfortable.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Yes.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: That would surely work best on machismo champions.

Akbar akh Asad: Machisimo?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh.. Machismo... it is a term...

Akbar akh Asad: *cants head*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It means an overabundant display of manliness.... you know..exposed chest hair, feats of strength, a certain disdain for women, and a tendency to objectify them as mere chattel rather than see them as people.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: An unwillingness to publicly display weakness of any kind.

Akbar akh Asad: Ah!
Akbar akh Asad: I have a term for that, as well.
Akbar akh Asad: "Home".

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh yes....
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I think the term may have originated after dealings with the Bedine.

Akbar akh Asad: I find that such things /reveal/ weakness, rather than conceal it. See how easily Laurelin can humiliate some men?
Akbar akh Asad: See how absurd she can make some seem?
Akbar akh Asad: How the whole inn laughs at your fancies of them?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Precisely, it is an easy target for mockery.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: If you make yourself big, you make yourself a bigger target

Akbar akh Asad: It would not be so funny if they were not so..... "machismo".

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh... machismo is the quality... if you are describing someone.. you would say they were macho.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Machismo is the quality of being macho.

Akbar akh Asad: Macho.
Akbar akh Asad: I see.
Akbar akh Asad: And so if it were a woman, it would be "macha".

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Nope... nope.. nope.

Akbar akh Asad: Like, Captain Mestin is Macha.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No.... women don't have it.

Akbar akh Asad: *frowns* Then what do women have?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Vaginas.

Akbar akh Asad: *mouth falls open*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Machismo is strictly for males.

Akbar akh Asad: Why do you say such words?
Akbar akh Asad: Is "Macho" such a word? Is it vulgar?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No... it is just for males only...
Renunzio Buonofortuna: A woman is not macho, or macha, she is strong.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: There is an implication in the word that implies having large, manly testicles.. you see....

Akbar akh Asad: But there is not an equal or opposite word for women who act too....womanly?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, that depends on what you consider womanly....
Renunzio Buonofortuna: But in truth.. there is no such thing as a woman that is too womanly, is there? After all, they are a lot better than men, really.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: The joke answer would be hysterical.

Akbar akh Asad: Okay, then. Tell me it.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No.. hysterical is the answer....

Akbar akh Asad: Yes. If the answer will be hysterical, I would like to hear it.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: But no... what i was saying is.. if I were joking, I would say that you call a woman who is too womanly "hysterical".
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Because the root of hysterical has to do with a woman's ovaries.

Akbar akh Asad: Ah! So she would be like a funny joke.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Trust me.. when a woman is hysterical.. it isn't funny.

Akbar akh Asad: Hrm. Yes. I suppose I know this.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: In fact, the word... like machismo, for a womans irrational behaviour is hystrionics...

Akbar akh Asad: Speaking of hysterical women... your pony is at my camp. We have looked after it, as best we can. It tried to eat my prayer rug.

[Mikayla]

I just read "Mojo" and "Macho" and now the interplay between Renunzio and Akbar is my favorite RP dialogue in ALFA (saving of course, prayers to Lolth, which by dogma are obviously far superior). Damn that is funny stuff.

[ewayneself]

Wand

Starring: Renunzio, Laurelin the trickster elf, Akbar, and Kessla - good-natured purveyor of shelter and liquids.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Tombs are baaaaad.

Laurelin: So are old mines with vampires and fire mages.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *scowls* Dammit!

Laurelin: *sticks her tongue out at Nunzio*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You know I hate tombs.

Laurelin: I hate these ones.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Hate, hate, hate.

Laurelin: Akbar is going to slip you something.
Laurelin: To help.

Kessla: *an eyebrow goes up*

Laurelin: With healing.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: He had best not do it from behind.

Kessla: Uh huh

Laurelin: *giggles*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: And if both his hands are on my shoulders... I am stabbing him.

Laurelin: *laughs harder*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Just so we are clear on that.

Kessla: *grins*

Laurelin: It's... *snickers* it's a wand. of healing.
Laurelin: Heeeaaaaling

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Tell me that it is not purple.

Kessla: So Akbar is going to slip him his wand?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: His purple wand?

Laurelin: *bursts into a fresh fit of giggles*

Kessla: His purple helmeted wand.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Are you sure Teia would not rather hold it?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I mean.. you know...
Renunzio Buonofortuna: For safe keeping.

Laurelin: *waves for him to stop*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I am sure she could find somewhere to stash it.

Laurelin: Her... her.... pocket!
Laurelin: *laughs*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Or her purse.

Kessla: His pocket wand?
Kessla: *grins*
Laurelin: *giggles*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, Laurelin has a new trouser truncheon.

Laurelin: *squeals* WHAT?!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It is big and blunt and bulbous on one end.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: You showed it to me.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Show Kessla, Laurelin.

Laurelin: I uh

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It is really macho.

Kessla: I love wands

Laurelin: sold it
Laurelin: too heavy

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh, sure.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Right.

Laurelin: it was eight POUNDS!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You should have seen it.. it was even knobby...

Kessla: Oh my gods

Renunzio Buonofortuna: She needed a stand for it.

Laurelin: *waves for him to stop*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Or maybe, she could have just mounted it on the wall.

Kessla: An EIGHT POUND WAND

Laurelin: *slips from the stool, laughing*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You know, to show everyone when they came by... a conversation piece.

Kessla: Oooo baby, show me your eight pound wand

Laurelin: *curls over the book, crying as she laughs*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *stuffy Voice* My, Laurelin, that is certainly a large bulbous blunt knobby tool you have there. Did you get much satisfaction out of it?

Laurelin: *curls around to kick Nunzio's stool*

Kessla: Let's see if there's somewhere that can fit.

Akbar akh Asad: Ah. Renunzio. You are a pleasant sight.

Laurelin: *tries to breathe*

Akbar akh Asad: *looks around*
Akbar akh Asad: We should speak in private, for i have something to give to you.

Kessla: *giggles*
Laurelin: *bursts into a fresh round of giggles*

Akbar akh Asad: *looks around*
Akbar akh Asad: *frowns*

Kessla: He wants to slip you his waaaaaaaaand.

Laurelin: *howls*

Kessla: *wipes her eyes*

Akbar akh Asad: What is funny? I wish to speak to him of the role he will play, this night.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Laurelin said you were going to try to slip me a purple wand.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: From behind.

Akbar akh Asad: *frowns* Well, I intend to.

Laurelin: *shakes her head no*

Kessla: *bites her lip*

Akbar akh Asad: But really, how you take it is up to you.

Kessla: With a smile on your face, Renunzio.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I suppose I would take it like a man, but I am only a small fellow, you know.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: It might be too big for me.

Laurelin: *passes out*

Akbar akh Asad: It is small, truly. You should use it wisely, however. For its power is almost used up.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh dear.

Kessla: *grabs a towel, wetting it*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh, did you let Teia try it for a while?

Kessla: Here, flick her in the face

Akbar akh Asad: No, no. I am not sure she is capable of wielding such a item.

Kessla: *passes the towel to Renunzio*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *takes the towel*
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, she could just store it in her purse.

Akbar akh Asad: But I have used it on her once or twice.

Kessla: Oh you have?

Akbar akh Asad: Why is Laurelin having such a fit?

Kessla: The thought of the purple wand of course.

Akbar akh Asad: *looks around* Please to tell me what is the joke?
Renunzio, did you make mojo on her?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *pours a little perfume on the towel*
Renunzio Buonofortuna: No.. no need... the joke was just that good.

[RangerDeWood]

can't breathe... must... stop.... laughing.....

[Mizbiz]

*flicks RDW in the face with a towel*

[psycho_leo]

OMFG! This is awesome!

[KnightLight]

You have brought tears to my eyes. Curse you and your humorous mojo.

[psycho_leo]

Get me more! You have the material! I knows it!

[Misty]

Of Gods and Wives


Starring Akbar, Renunzio, and Laurelin, walking the perilous path to Anathar's Dell


Renunzio Buonofortuna: I think the gods like it when I am naughty.

Akbar akh Asad: How can you tell?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, the hin gods do, anyway.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I don't get struck down.

Akbar akh Asad: That is not a sign of like. That is a sign of indifference.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Are you sure?

Akbar akh Asad: Pretty sure, yes.
Akbar akh Asad: The gods do not strike down the Bedine. They have simply abandon--

Renunzio Buonofortuna: So.. does Nobanion have a consort?

Akbar akh Asad: Nobanion has many wives.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Hmmm.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Many?

Akbar akh Asad: Certainly.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Then, as a servant of Nobanion, you are a little behind in emulating him.

Akbar akh Asad: Did you just call me a little ass?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No, I was showing mine.

Akbar akh Asad: I have only found one woman who will have me. And can harly afford the one.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: It's just that if Nobanion has many wives, I would think his servant would have many, as well.

Akbar akh Asad: To serve well, I must not hoarde gold. And it takes gold to have wives.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Not ugly ones.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: The ugly ones are cheap.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: You are doing them a favour.

Akbar akh Asad: So your logic is that I should serve Nobanion better if I had some ugly wives.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I'm sure that we could find a whole bevy of half orc girls who want a husband as good looking as you.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: *juts out his jaw and makes tusks with his fingers*

[Sounds of some snarling and fighting]


Renunzio Buonofortuna: So it is agreed.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I saw you nod..

Akbar akh Asad: No, it is not agreed. You do not understand. The point of having wives is to have children. And children cost gold. Ugly or no.

Laurelin : *snickers*
Laurelin : uhm... guys?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Not really.. not if they are ugly enough.

Akbar akh Asad: Mm?

Laurelin : I can't be quiet if you're making me laugh

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Then you just put up a side show, and charge people to look at them.

Akbar akh Asad: We are not trying to make you laugh. Renunzio is trying to convince ... sideshow?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: how do you think I got my start?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I was a little bit of a disappointment.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: A giant hin is not much of a freak.

Akbar akh Asad: Something about a fairy and an ill-advised nap, I thought.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No, that was my father.

Akbar akh Asad: The one woman I have is already a strain on my conscience. And why do you tell me this? You have not even one.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: My gods aren't big on matrimony.

Akbar akh Asad: Nobanion is also a consort with Mielikki, I have been told.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: ah.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Does she shape change for him?

Akbar akh Asad: *frown* How could I know such a thing?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, you talk to him all the time.

Akbar akh Asad: I would not ask him that.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Maybe you can ask in one of your prayers.

Akbar akh Asad: You ask ...

[Sounds of swords against spiders]

Renunzio Buonofortuna: So Nobanion and Meilikki, huh?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: That is a heck of a mental image.

Akbar akh Asad: I am told. I prefer not to concern myself overmuch with...that aspect... of my chosen deity.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I bet he is pretty fond of that aspect.

Akbar akh Asad: Again, I would not know. Perhaps he consorts only as part of an alliance.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: i mean, after all, Meilikki is far from being classed as an ugly girl.

Akbar akh Asad: Do not speak of the gods as ugly.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I wasn't

Akbar akh Asad: Er... except the evil ones.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I was saying that she isn't ugly, but rather, highly matressable.

Akbar akh Asad: Mattressable.
Akbar akh Asad: Well. I am certain she is flattered to hear such a thing from you.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Of course, I know she has just waited for a special occasion to get round to me.

Akbar akh Asad: What occasion, Renunzio?
Akbar akh Asad: The shortest day of the year?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Hmmmm Freaky and Meilikki rhyme.. I wonder if that is a coincidence.

Laurelin : *giggles*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, she is banging a lion... so there you are.

Akbar akh Asad: *shakes his head* You need a girlfriend.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: you know, if a mortal did that..
Renunzio Buonofortuna: people would wag fingers.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And say tut tut

[Misty]

Widows

Starring Akbar and Renunzio, with Laurelin giggling in the background



Renunzio Buonofortuna: You can thank me later, Akbar.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I have solved your problem.

Akbar akh Asad: Oh?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You can marry all the widows in the dale...

Akbar akh Asad: Which problem...
Akbar akh Asad: Marry all the widows.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Then you will have wives who own property, so it will cost less.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And you will be doing the community a service.

Akbar akh Asad: Why is it a service to marry widows?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Pretty young widows are always a temptation to married men.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: You will be saving the marriages of countless dalesmen.

Akbar akh Asad: Then why do /they/ not marry them?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Because they are not as smart as us.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Silly.

Akbar akh Asad: Ah.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Nobanion will be pleased.

Akbar akh Asad: And Teia would be equally /dis/pleased.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: There is nothing so pleasing as charitable copulation.

Akbar akh Asad: I think.
Akbar akh Asad: A... what does this mean?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Guilt free.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: An act of /kindness/.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Teia wants you to be charitable and kind, doesn't she?

Akbar akh Asad: You mean, to know a woman, as an act of kindness?
Akbar akh Asad: Is that possible?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh yes... done it lots.

Akbar akh Asad: *looks at the dwarf* Erm.
Akbar akh Asad: We were only discussing it in /theory/ madam.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: but when they ask me to wear teddy, it is going too far.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: rowr
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And every good theory needs to be experimented upon.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: All for the greater good and all that.

Akbar akh Asad: I am lucky to have found even one woman who is suitable for me and who agrees to be with me, despite my limitations.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: You think so?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I bet those widows would be willing to give it a shot.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: You, ma'am.. are you a widow?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Guess not

Akbar akh Asad: *frowns* Do not offend these people, Renunzio.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Offend them?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I am trying to establish marital bonds.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I am trying to /unite/ our peoples.

Akbar akh Asad: Stop. I will not find a bride in Anathar's Dell.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *sighs*

Akbar akh Asad: Besides, widows are not likely to be virgins, are they?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Fine.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Be selfish.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: No, widows are not virgins.. but they lost their virginity honourably.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: and they can teach you tons.

Akbar akh Asad: How am I to know?
Akbar akh Asad: That they lost their virginity in a suitable way.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, they were good enough for another man to marry, right?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Are you placing yourself above their sainted dead husbands?

Akbar akh Asad: Oh, nono!

Renunzio Buonofortuna: See?

Akbar akh Asad: I am the humblest of Nobanion's servants, fit to judge no man.
Akbar akh Asad: So you are saying,
Akbar akh Asad: If they were good enough for them,
Akbar akh Asad: They are good enough for me.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Unless you are better.

Akbar akh Asad: Bah! Why are we discussing this? There is no problem! I have a woman.
Akbar akh Asad: If I want another, I will know where to look.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: that is the problem: Woman. Singular. And you have not even married her.

Akbar akh Asad: *sighs* I know.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: And you are thinking about backing out, using your duty as an excuse.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I saw it.

Akbar akh Asad: *frowns* Saw what?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: That look of terror in your eyes.. don't think I haven't seen that look before in others.

Akbar akh Asad: That is not terror.
Akbar akh Asad: I am immune to fear.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh, was it indigestion?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: They look a lot alike.

Akbar akh Asad: Simply concern. For her.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Really.

Akbar akh Asad: We do not live long. And I would not have Teia be one of those widows. One of those widows /without/ property.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Her parents live in the woods.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: The woods.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: They don't even have plumbing.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And if she had all those widows to keep her company, she would be fine.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Sad, sure. Till the next servant of Nobanion came around to pick up the slack.

Akbar akh Asad: Can we discuss something else?

[ewayneself]

Ceremony

Akbar, Laurelin, Renunzio, and Rhekka are to receive a rare honor by Lord Morn himself for service to the Dale.

Part 1: Red Rock Inn, preparing for ceremony.

Akbar akh Asad: Do you have any idea what you will say to Lord Morn?

Laurelin: I have to say something?

Akbar akh Asad: *shrugs* I know not. I assume.

Laurelin: Nae *wide grin* No idea.
Laurelin: I'll make it up as I go, if I must

Akbar akh Asad: I will say: "Lord Morn, it is an honor to finally meet you. Many are the tales of your heroic deeds. My aziir is yours, no matter the task or trial."

Laurelin: *nods* very nice

Akbar akh Asad: I wonder what Renunzio will wear.

Laurelin: Something nice, I'm sure. I wonder if he'll bring Teddy

Akbar akh Asad: *loooks worried*

Laurelin: *low laugh*

Laurelin: He made the lord laugh, I'm sure it will be fine.

Akbar akh Asad: I fear I will make him laugh too. *frowns*

Laurelin: I think you worry too much.

Akbar akh Asad: You think I do? Truly?
Akbar akh Asad: *looks worried*

Laurelin: *hides a laugh*
Laurelin: Take a deep breath, Akbar.

Akbar akh Asad: *does so*

Laurelin: Relax.

Akbar akh Asad: *did not seem to ever actually exhale that breath he took*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh, hello , folks.

Akbar akh Asad: *smiles at Renunzio*
Akbar akh Asad: Is that what you will wear for our audience with Lord Morn?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: What?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: *looks at Akbar slantwise*
Renunzio Buonofortuna: You have an audience with Lord Morn?

Akbar akh Asad: No.
Akbar akh Asad: /We/ have an audience with Lord Morn.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I am still a little vague on this whole affair, you know...
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Laurelin
Renunzio Buonofortuna: You weren't planning on pinking Lord Morn, were you?

Laurelin : Uh... definitely not.
Laurelin : *quieter* this time.
Laurelin : *grins*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Good.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Just planting seeds, Akbar, just planting seeds.

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *smiles to the others*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh, hello Rhekka.

Akbar akh Asad: *reciting* "Lord Morn, it is an honor to finally meet you. Many are the tales of your heroic deeds. My aziir is yours, no matter the task or trial."

Laurelin : *stage whisper* so who's gonna goose him during his speech?

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *smirks wickedy to laur*

Akbar akh Asad: *recites again, quietly, toward the wall*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Best make sure you clarify what an azir is..

Akbar akh Asad: Oh!
Akbar akh Asad: I change it to scimitar.
Akbar akh Asad: How is the point on my goatee?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Pointy

Laurelin : mm hmm... very nice

Renunzio Buonofortuna: How is the bulge in my trousers?

Akbar akh Asad: Also pointy.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *pulls out a dart*
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I thought it was too obvious there.

Akbar akh Asad: Why did you have a dart down there?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *tucks the dart in a coat pocket.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: In case I was frisked.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: No one ever checks that spot.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I just wanted to be prepared in case any werewolves amde a surprise appearance, Akbar.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Because these sort of affairs are just the sort that get crashed by villains.

Akbar akh Asad: *to Renunzio* Truly? Even within the garrison?

Laurelin : *nods* a sad possibility.

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *between nibbles of scone* So where's bron?

Akbar akh Asad: I know not.
Akbar akh Asad: I sought him, but did not find.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Perhaps if you went out and made a noise like a doe in season? he might showl

Laurelin : *grins*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Meeyuuurgh

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *sighs a bit and returns her attention to the scone*

Akbar akh Asad: Renunzio, do you not wish to invite more friends?
Akbar akh Asad: Perhaps some of your friends at Milava's?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I could...
Renunzio Buonofortuna: But it would seem... I don't know... presumptuous of me.

Akbar akh Asad: Oh? They said we could bring friends. And you have many friends. I am bringing Teia. She is getting ready now.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Oh, hey... *stodgy voice* i should be rather pleased if you came and did a little obeisance to me for my great services to the Dale...

Akbar akh Asad: I do not think they would see it that way.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Afterwards, you may service me in whatever capacity you consider your forte...

Akbar akh Asad: I do not think it would be like that.
Akbar akh Asad: I think they would be happy to watch you be honored so.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I suppose I could invite them, but then.. there is also the fact that the millitia will be there.. and having prostitutes at a millitia function invites conflicts.

Akbar akh Asad: It does?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: One fellow thinks he has a special relationship, and then his buddy sidles up to the same girl.... it can be bad.

Laurelin : *quietly snickers*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: And besides... Kitty would giggle.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: and probably call me by a pet name
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And then Lord Morn would blush.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And Mestin would giggle..
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And then all discipline would be out the window.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: It would be chaos.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Cats and dogs, living in sin.

Akbar akh Asad: Perhaps you are right. Forget I mentioned it.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Hmmm.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Maybe I still have time to invite them.

Akbar akh Asad: No, no. I said forget I mentioned it.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: No, no, you are right.. I would be thoughtless not to invite them

Akbar akh Asad: No, no. You painted a vivid portrait of how it could be....

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Shall I give word to kala for you?

Akbar akh Asad: NO!

Laurelin : *laughs*

Akbar akh Asad: I mean... no.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: I am certain she would love to show you her clitoris again.

Akbar akh Asad: *mouth falls open*
Akbar akh Asad: Do not...

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Behind you..

Teia Killthorne: Show her what?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Bye



Part 2: At the end of the Ceremony

Randal Morn: Come forward, Renunzio.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Um... right
Renunzio Buonofortuna: Actually. I have a little present for you.

Randal Morn: Oh?

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *reaches into a bulge in his trousers*

Randal Morn: *a small grin tugs at his lips*

Mestin Durmark: *smiles at Nunzio*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *pulls out a wooden stake*

Ariton Delmis: *quietly observes*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: * on the back of the stake are the words, "You suck" and a smiley face.

Randal Morn: *looks at the offering, and nods*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Should you get the opportunity to meet that vampire..
Renunzio Buonofortuna: i would like you to be prepared.

Akbar akh Asad: *smiles*

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *smirks and shakes her head a bit*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *hands over the stake with a bow*

Randal Morn: I will definitely use that. My gift is nothing so useful.

Mestin Durmark: *smirks*

Randal Morn: *takes it, and smiles at him*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: That is fine.. if it is impractical.. it will go perfectly with me.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: *grins*

Ariton Delmis: *very small snort, but not derisively*

Randal Morn: My gift is the Civilian Service Award. *pins a tassled purple ribbon on Renunzio, bending over to do so*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *holds his shoulders back proudly*

Randal Morn: We do not give medals in Daggerdale, metal is for weapons and armor, but only the Lord gives this.
Randal Morn: *holds out his hand to Renunzio*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *takes the hand and shakes it*
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I am deeply honoured, sir.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: And you didn't even poke me when you pinnned it ont.
Renunzio Buonofortuna: I will wear it with pride.

Randal Morn: *smiles*
Randal Morn: You have much to be proud of.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: Well, there isn't much of me.. so i have to be proud of what there is.

Randal Morn: What is large about you is your wit. A precious commodity.
Randal Morn: Laurelin.
Randal Morn: *motions her closer*

Laurelin : oh!

Akbar akh Asad: *looks down at Renunzio, eyes watery*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *grins at Akbar*

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *smiles to renunzio as he returns*

Randal Morn: Recieve the Civilian Service Award. You have served this dale well.

Laurelin : *looks up to Morn with wide eyes, almsot smiling*

Randal Morn: *pins it on with a smile*

Laurelin : Thank you, sir.

Ariton Delmis: *another small dip of bearded chin at his lord declaring his will*

Randal Morn: Thank you. *bows his head*

Laurelin : *curtsies again*

Randal Morn: Rhekka, approach please.

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *approaches as gracefully as possible*
Rhekka Vanteroxx: *curtsies deeply*

Randal Morn: Having a mage in the ranks of the party must have helped. You have the gratitude of the dale.

Randal Morn: *pins the ribbon on*

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *nods deeply* It is good to know I have aided you and yours in the task you do every day
Rhekka Vanteroxx: *gives a polite nod and smiles warmly*

Akbar akh Asad: *impressed little smile*

Randal Morn: You have our thanks.

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *smiles warmly* It is an honor

Randal Morn: Finally, Akbar ahk Asad

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *applauds*

Randal Morn: Not being a civilian, I cannot give you a Civilian Service Award.

Akbar akh Asad: Of course, my Lord.

Ariton Delmis: *regards Akbar, cool gaze from beneath heavy, polished helm*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *W* Does he get to join the order of the Garter?

Laurelin : *waves for nunzio to hush*

Randal Morn: However, I am pleased and pround that it was lead by a sergant of our own militia.

Akbar akh Asad: *face nearly impassive, but starting to redden*

Randal Morn: I have heard good things about you. For you Akbar, I have the Meritorious Service Award.

Akbar akh Asad: *takes a breath*

Randal Morn: *pins a different embroidered ribbon from Akbar's cloak*

Ariton Delmis: *pleased, slightly deeper nod*

Akbar akh Asad: My Lord. In is an honor to minally feet you.
Akbar akh Asad: ....

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *grins*

Akbar akh Asad: *blushes*
Akbar akh Asad: Er... I have a scimitar.
Akbar akh Asad: And...

Laurelin : *covers a smile, studying teh carpet*

Ariton Delmis: *slight cock of head at the twisted words*

Akbar akh Asad: it is yours.
Akbar akh Asad: *flees*

Rhekka Vanteroxx: *smiles and tries to retain her composure*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *applauds*

Mestin Durmark: *covers a small laugh*

Milava Amrap: *women at back decide to join applause at R's signal*

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *W* are you going to give him back his scimitar?
Renunzio Buonofortuna: *W* or is it a loaner?

Akbar akh Asad: *w* I will kill you.

Renunzio Buonofortuna: *W* I know.

.

[KnightLight]

Too much funny... ack...

[XooooF]

Aww what a shame Bron wasent there.. Sounded like great fun