Sacred Heart

[GlassRain]

"Sacred Heart"

By Loulabelle & GlassRain

Author Note(GR): This was all done in game over the course of 13 odd hours of play time. No DMs were present, this was all done by Loulabelle and myself. Both of us had our hands in writing this out, so enjoy a weird sort of mixture of our two different styles.

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I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
Crossfade - Cold


The two figures stand in the temples silent hallways breathing life to the dead calm with their words, "It is perhaps her greatest lesson." The soldier speaks from behind a steel mask, the phrase lingering in thought.

A softer voice... soothing the ears from the lashing of the soldier's, "What I do not understand.." she pauses, taking a breath before continuing "she has missed you, then why is she angry to see you back and not happy?" Her chin lifted, her eyes piercing the armor that encases the man before her. She speaks with innocent confusion.

The sentences pour from my lips as I try to make her understand.. make her see why Raykiena was as she is... my fault.. This truth I knew well. Elrien wished to understand.. in the simple world she sees, there is no way to explain the complicated matters that cloud my life... holding it prisoner from the happiness she has achieved. I can only try to show her..

The warrior lifts from his place on the corridors pale wall to meet the young woman’s voice, "I have.. something" her words hang on the air of the moment almost as if she were waiting for an unseen hand to silence her lips, "I have never tried it.." her words tied and questioning as they come forward confused.

My own curiosity stuck like a chord across an instrument.. my voice a low hum urging her to continue with a question mark hanging from my lips..

"Sirrill.." she continued, the name lingering in an uncomfortable silence that seemed to last forever. "he gave it to me." A vibration of doubt dwindling away at her soft voice. "He said.. he said that it would make me aware.." Her gaze came to meet his "of whoever possessed it."

I know this connection.. still cold around the ring finger of my right hand.

"Like an elves bond?" The warrior’s voice sung like a blade striking a rock, its form a statement in a way that might ask a response none the less.

She nods in agreement, "If you were gone.. and I gave it to you and stayed here with her, I could tell her you were alright." the young woman carried on explaining the elven bond further trying to perhaps make herself understand as well as to how it came to be encased in the object.

Trickery... magic, my mind begged to disagree with it's nature.

"I don't understand.." The warrior seemed to gather his thoughts. "I thought a bond was a sacred vow elves took." His statement placing a frown on the girls face as she bites her lip.

"Well.." she started, "after the... thing that happened, because he wasn't dead.." her voice trying to keep strength and push forward, the memory still an open wound in her heart. "He took everything about that we shared and he.." her pauses coming frequently, the stutter of unwilling words that clung to her tongue, "He put it... into.. this." She reached into her bag and produced a wooden oval shaped object. "I have never used it like that." Looking down upon the item as her words come more fluidly.

No

"I will not remove that from you possession." His response as the shutting of a book.

"Part of me.." her eyelid flutter as if not truly knowing what she is saying "I mean.. I'm not sure I want to do that again.. not one way.."

"I still do not fully understand.." The warrior stood still in the light of the hallway standing tall over the small figure that was the young woman. His voice echoing it's strength along the stone walls.. strange... an onlooker might feel compassion in his words even if his tone were hard. "but it is personal to you."

Do not ask it of me... do not ask it of me. The thought of touching something so close to her heart crawling the length of my spine. What would I say if she begged it of me... what would my voice speak should she look into me with her green eyes and speak the word please... I haven’t the heart to deny her. I haven’t the heart..

The woman gracefully takes a seat on the cold marble floor, letting the wooden oval roll from her delicate hand. She stares at it in its resting-place before her. "He said.. if someone had this... I would know roughly where they were and what they were feeling." an intoxicated slow dialect trying to come forward clearly. She sucks on her lower lip holding back emotions. "Which is how it was..." she tilts her head to one side slowly almost unnoticeably. "Except we could feel each other.." The warrior perhaps forgotten for a moment as she speaks to herself. The black armored image takes a knee before her, armor shifting and creaking as he moves.

Every thread of my being wishing to make itself known.. wishing to speak. A calm... settling in the back of my mind, a reassurance.. silent I will remain. I will hear what she will say, I will listen and spare her the pauses of my jagged responses... speak, Elrien.. speak.

"In Daggersprings.." The woman begins again to speak.

My gaze shifts and blurs as a memory attempts to claim my focus, I shake it free

"When Arenor was born, Sirrill begged me to let him share that experience.. and I did" She tries to assure herself, "in fact that was the main reason we decided to make that bond." A perhaps once happy memory marred with her following phrase, "There was a time I was in Shadowdale and I felt him.." the memory snatching the period from her lips as a short pause grips the atmosphere, "He was dying." her eyes fixed on the wooden object. It's physical shape that of a living creatures heart, somewhat unnerving at first glance.

Shaking thoughts of pain.. gouging my body from an invisible attacker, my vision fled as I tried to keep focus. Keep the memories from taking me... Gwynrakel.

The soldier begins again to move. His posture much like a statue perched at a knelt position until this sign of life. He unstraps his right gauntlet pulling it free to reveal bruised and scarred flesh that was his own. His thumb caresses the smooth finish of a band around his ring finger.

Still cold...

"I know how it feels." His voice almost broken in tone, reflective.

His words absorbed into the surrounding air like a whisper in a market square. "I left as fast as i could.. I ran to the caravan and I started to run down the road." Her eyelids snapping open and closed numerous times as the story unfolds itself from her lips. "Mariiana and Myrilis followed me." A shroud of shame dragging her voice to a whisper as he speaks again "Mariiana was pregnant… with twins. There was an ambush on the road and she was almost killed.." A long sigh that was silence, "Pazu was almost killed.." her head bowed expression hidden as her hand wipes quickly at her eyes. "Myrilis was trying hard to fight them and i was healing my friends. And she miscarried." She buried her head in her hands as she speaks the words without warning, without preparation... an exhale of an emotion kept long hidden. "I have never forgiven myself for that... Because of what we shared.. Sirrill and I cost her that..." Her voice trails to silent tears.

Held by awe, by wonder.. these emotions.. so powerful... so unknown to me. I will to comfort her.. to let her feed from my calm... my numb. No, she must be spared that fate, she must be allowed grief.. allowed feeling. My muscles tense as I fight my urges to wrap myself around her and hide her from the pain.. to carry it for her... I cannot.. I watch in silence.

The man remains silent, still.. a wall before the emotional war that she wages.

"When I reached him he was in my, well then it was out tent and I was frantic, I did my best to heal him I used everything I could.." The crumpled posture of the woman took a deep breath, "Then I demanded he tell me what happened." A faint shadow of pain dancing on an unfeeling, monotone. "He told me and I.. " her breath halted in a moment of hesitation "I.. I picked up my weapon, I ran to seek

Revenge... my thoughts and her words colliding together as I felt the temptation of the motion. The vision of a panther... Malar... I knew this was his reason. I try to blank it out of my mind, try to cover it up and continue listening. I will be waiting.. my thoughts try to sooth my fires..

"He came with me because he could not change my mind.." A painful moan drifting around her as the realization of a mistake sets in "What was I thinking? It was a whole village of them.. I should have been more concerned why he was there. We went and it was deserted.. and we argued, well I argued and he sort of defended himself... I cannot remember now!" Her voice strong, as if lashing herself with them, punishing herself. "Then they came out and saw us and we were both almost killed.."

A long pause... my lips moved once again.

A shatter in the emotion of the air, a rough voice "Who were they?"

The girl looks up through parted fingers, noticing her audience was still beside her, "The goblins.. we passed through their land when we walked to Courtney's house." The explanation came quickly "After the attacks on Arabel they were pushed back I think their village has been abandoned."

I only nod a reply as revenge let's go of me, it's cold fingers relieving me of their embrace.. my voice echoes no more and I am again silent..

Like a chilling breeze in the warmth that is the abbey, her voice came, bitterness hanging from each note she spoke "Because of what we shared two ere killed and three almost killed.." The soldier stays knelt, unmoved in the chill that surrounded her. His hand moved out toward her..

No... not my place...

His hand pauses just before her, steady, extended, it moves back and falls to rest at his side as her muffled voice again comes through hands that hide her face. "I could give you this and I would be aware of you but you would not be aware of me.." quiet whispers of a fragile woman. "I could tell Ray-ray and Arenor that you are fine when you are fine. But.." She added quickly, "on the other hand if you were to be hurt or killed.. I would feel that..."

I begged her tone to ask me to say no, with every passing breath that filled me with life I exhaled a pray that she would not ask this of me. I know my life will cease, I know there is to be a beginning and an end to the story of my life. I cannot let her share the ending.. not the pain not the sorrow.

"I would not let you bear that burden.." the warriors voice steady and calm against the tides of emotion that lapped against the walls of his mind. She did not hear him...

"And what would I do?" She spoke with haste as if she were running out of breath and these were to be her final words. "Would I lie to them? And How would it feel.. for me to know that and worse feel that and not be able to reply?" Monotone, soft, as she drew another breath. The statue before her moved again. His hand extending in renewed strength he steals her hand from her face. She continues, still trying to hide behind a single hand "Sirrill was dying and I tried to comfort him, love him as I ran to him.." The soldier moves her hand down and places it over the wooden object before her. "I would feel you and I would not be able to send the same.." her voice fading as the warrior leans toward her.

Now hear me...

A soft voice, almost soothing spoken with care, delicately as it escapes the visor of his helmet "I will not put you through such a thing. We both took risks when we made our emotions known.. I cannot tell you the future.." His tone constant spoken upon a single sigh, "I cannot tell you I will always be here but I can promise that should I meet my end.." She turns to look up at him removing her hand allowing him to again see her face, "you will need not tell me how you feel, you will not need to show me... I will already know." He brushes away the stream of tears from her cheek with the back of his hand, a gentle touch. His whispers now only for her ears "and if I should go... know that I am with you." A smile from her lips at his words.

A smile I long for.. I felt my peace returning.. a comfort as she looked up at me. She could see me... even behind this helmet she could see me.

"Know that there was nothing more I could do to come back to you.. know that I fought with everything I had to come back to you.." He continues before pulling free his helmet, black obsidian stones looking back at her from behind a curtain of scars that was his skin. A frame of dark hair accompanied by gray strands, he looked back at her. She mirrors his smile, blonde hair knotted and unkempt around her green eyes which now produce fresh tears. "Do not cry for me..." he pushes away her tears holding her cheek in his palm.. she leans into his touch.

Fragile... so fragile and beautiful, my Elrien. She is here, caressing my reality with the presence of an angel. I feel free, innocent in her presence, a child again with a path to make choices. A path to make mistakes... a path. She knows me, knows the blood these hands have gripped and she does not retreat from its touch. Into my waking dream she is here.. the pain of old wounds inside my tired body making me aware I am not sleeping, that she is here.. I am here... this moment.. make it last forever, Tyr..

A whisper now between them "You know I could not help but cry for you." She replies as a steady calm finds her.

I wish to reply, but know well this argument can have no victor..

"Do you wish to stay for a while? Or do you wish to return home?" Two separate questions, spoken from forked tongue with perhaps stray intentions, she smiles at his words opening her eyes.

Stay with me...

"I will stay with you... Arenor is quite alright without me.." her voice an arrow fired too soon, she stands awkward, "He has done without me for long periods when he was younger and was fine." His reply comes swiftly chasing her thoughts away.

"He is strong." A brief moment as his words sink into the thick emotion surrounding them. "Let's get upstairs and settled." He remains knelt before her, "I am sure there is some food there." The woman moves her hand from the wooden object before her, her eyes bathe over it whole. Pushing loose strands of hair from her face and turns her focus toward Lyon.

"Will Ray-ray mind me staying?" Sincerity in her innocent tone.

"She will be fine now that she has had her outburst." He nods, "Though she will expect to have me to herself at Sunrise." A calm smirk peeling out from his expression.

Smiling, "I can go home and see Arenor.. clean out the toads from my bed." A sigh only strengthening the rising spirits. "I wish I understood his obsession with them. At least your daughter's makes sense."

"Does it?" His voice doubting, unconvinced, as she looks to the greatsword handle exposed over his right shoulder. His gaze follows her, and he understands "oh..."

"I have never had a pet toad.." her voice reflective as she rises to her feet, standing...

Wrapping her arms around her waist she gazed down the stonewalled corridor waiting patiently for him. Bathed in the golden candlelight with tears still drying on her cheeks she was at her most calm and her most vulnerable. He paused and reached for the small innocent wooden object resting on the stone floor.

"You should not leave this laying around" He reminded her, gently bending down to it. She looked at him as though only just remembering. Slowly she extended her hand to him to receive the small thing and spoke a subdued thanks. As he picked the object up, a feeling sank like needles into her. A sickness and a nausea seemed to penetrate her skin and flow into her eagerly. She paled unseen as he examined the wooden thing curiously. As she fell with the sickness she stumbled back trying to find the wall. Isolation absorbed her mind. Abrupt and sudden, so alone, so utterly alone.

She shivered as a chill caressed her spine... crawled its way up lethargically. Her hand still outstretched to him wavered slightly, it looked foreign, someone else's hand. Not mine. The terrible solitude was rudely pierced by anxiety. Something is watching me. She looked up and down the blurry corridor uneasily, all around her. She looked slowly, paranoid that when her back was turned the something, whatever it was, would come up behind her. The world existed in slow motion, her vision seemed sluggish and uncoordinated and sounds were muffled.

A new sensation tempted her in the distance. Warmth from... a fire, so distant but she could feel it on her, so exposed in her solitude. Her hand dropped to her side like a lead weight and she shuffled her way back against the wall, feeling with her hands. Reaching the cool stone she pressed herself against it, looking at him as he turned the wooden item over in his hands with a childlike curiosity. Looking but not seeing, her eyes were glazed green glass. She could feel something creeping, crawling in her mind, an itch she could not scratch. It had presence and it urged her to move to the fire. It dared her and she was frightened.

He saw her.

Like a hammer to the glass thoughts of my mind... I saw her

"Elrien?" He sounded confused seeing her, pale and pressed against the wall for seemingly no reason. Rising, he offered the wooden object to her and she shrank from him, pressing herself harder against the cold stone. The real stone beneath her fingers. She looked at him in a pure silent panic. Her eyes were wide and filled with a deep terrible fear. The air was thick and hard to breathe, she saw yet did not see. Blinded by the fear, the isolation. It was watching her, a distilled anger that swelled and swirled around her. This is not yours, it almost told her. The rage was calm and simmering maybe even waiting. She almost felt as though she was breathing it. She whimpered and pressed herself into the stone corner, trying in vain to hide from it.

Her expression like a thousand knifes through my being, I begged an answer.. yearned for a reply. Tell me you are alright, Elrien.. your eyes... my question came again as my heart thrust itself against my rib cage..

He was still watching her; he was growing more worried by her peculiar behaviour.
"El?" He asked more forcefully and tenderly. Her name sounded distorted to her ears and his voice came from miles away. As he spoke she felt the fire grow in intensity, as if someone had stoked it or added more fuel. The warmth was stronger but distant. The churning rage and anger blocked it from her. A third presence, one of unshakeable calm squeezed in. Fire, anger and calm. The calm turned unseen eyes upon her; she felt she was going crazy. It has eyes how can it have eyes. She tried hard to motion to him to drop the wooden object, she gazed at him in fear, glassy eyed.

He understood, he looked at the carved wood and dropped it quickly. It bounced on the stone floor but did not dent or crack. He jumped from his knelt position as it rolled to a stop, a beautiful dark brown in the yellow flickering light. Everything… fire anger calm melted away as a dream and stone walled reality flooded back. The world sped up, sights and sounds returned to normal. She pressed herself into the corner, her face white. She let out a cry choked somewhere in her throat and hid her face in her hands.

“El…” His voice was concerned and his words simple. “Are you alright?”

My voice hollow against the emptiness of my mind, its walls made of the many questions as to why I should look upon the terrified expression of her.. why I must suffer... always why...

As he stepped towards her she shied away. His expression, one of deep pain he stepped back, giving her the space she needed. She pressed herself into the corner, wedged herself, making herself as small as she could. Hiding… from everything. He spoke again, his voice wavered with confusion slightly,
“Elrien… what is going on?”

Keeping her head down she shook her head wordlessly. He reached to touch her, speaking her name again tenderly. As he placed his hand on her shoulder she screamed a piercing sound that ripped the air. Her scream echoed through the stone passageways, high pitched and heartrending. He recoiled as though she had slapped him. Shaking, her knees gave way and she slid down against the wall to a slumped sitting position. She sat leaning over her bent knees, holding them tightly, she breathed deeply and shook violently.

Too loud, too much noise... I cannot hear myself think.. her scream ripping through my body more efficiently than any weapon. I feel my heart tearing apart.. my arms frozen in place, confusing.. I want to hold her.. I don't want to hurt her.. what is going on! WHAT IS HAPPENING! the screams shifting under my skin.. I want to scream I want to cry I want to ... why is this happening..

Distant footsteps clattered in the distance. They grew louder and Abbot Evenhand came to a stop next to them. He paused and looked between them.
“What has happened?!” He demanded. Lyon looked towards the Abbot. He sounded worried.
“I… I am not sure. She won’t speak to me” He confessed.
Abbot Evenhand moved closer and looked down at Elrien. Whether she ignored or was oblivious to the scene would never be clear, even to herself.
“Is she hurt?” He questioned, kneeling beside her. She did not shrink away from him but still kept her face hidden for whatever reason as she trembled against the stone.
Lyon shook his head,

“Not that I know of… she was fine” He turned and looked at the harmless wooden heart on the flagstone floor. “Then I picked this up” He pointed it out to the abbot, who immediately leant over to examine it. Without touching he hovered his hand over it and chanted in comprehendible words. He stated simply his observation. It was not evil. Lyon stared at it. Abbot Evenhand returned to Elrien, his voice was urgent but calming. As he asked her how she was, she took a few hitching breaths before breaking into floods of tears. Hearing her, Lyon at last broke his gaze on the wooden object and looked towards her. Immediately she shrank away. He spoke her name, he sounded hurt. The abbot rose and walked away hurriedly, instructing as he left,
“Take her upstairs… I will speak with Brother Aseph” His footsteps echoed down the corridor as he approached the great hall and disappeared.

Alone with her, Lyon knelt before her. The quietly frantic worry in his voice only grew with each word.
“El… I am here” She pressed against the wall as though trying to escape from him. She cried uncontrollably. Again he turned and regarded the wooden heart as it lay innocently near them. At last she lifted her face enough to see him. Her eyes were red and streaming. Full of terror. He met her eyes and whispered her name and begged her to talk to him. Unwilling or unable, she remained silent, her tears increased as their eyes met. For a split second her eyes darted to the wooden heart, Sirrilll’s wooden heart, then back to him. Lyon reached out to her, holding his hands a little way away from her, reluctant to try and touch her again. She shrank back terrified and wailed silently, no no no. His face contorted to deep cut sorrow and he slowly withdrew his arms. Her expression crumpled seeing his sadness and she wept resting her head on her drawn up knees. He whispered desperately to her,

I feel myself like an open wound, bleeding... tears perched on my sanity waiting for the moment of weakness, waiting hoping.. I am bleeding out.. my skin distant, my reality throbbing against my forehead harder with every second I am forced to endure her fear.. every moment I grow more alone.. El... don't leave me...

“Tell me what I need to do…”
She spoke… words sputtered out between hitched breaths.
“It… it… s… saw…” She pointed an unsteady finger at the heart lying still upon the stone floor. He looked where she gestured. She continued, “It… saw… saw… m… me” She buried her face in her hands sobbing. He was bewildered and worried.

Her words like a soothing wind to the fires of my mind...

“What saw you?” He pressed her gently and with compassion.
“C… c…” She stammered, sobbing and trembling in her distress. “Fire” She whispered suddenly. Her breath hitched, “C… calm” She shook violently and moaned, her voice brimming with fear. “Anger” She hugged her legs tight and started to calm down a little as though some of the poison that distressed her was at last coming out.

“Elrien…” His voice was weary and confused, “I don’t understand” He admitted simply. She kept her head down and pointed at the heart again, her finger shaking considerably less. She pointed in his direction vaguely before resting her hand on the back of her head.

Understanding at last his voice and expression dropped like a stone. He sounded devastated and a little guilty.
“You… saw…” He said numbly. “El I am sorry”

I can only imagine.. only dream... nightmares of what such innocence would feel met with the wall of my being, curled and scared she kept.. like an infant before a Devil... before me. My heart sank into a place unknown to me... I felt numb as though I had just killed.. killed something that deserved to live.. ashamed... so much shame.. I tried to fight it...

She stayed curled tight against the wall, hugging her legs, making herself small. His words came out so fast he stumbled over them in his haste.
“I didn’t mean for you… I am so sorry…” She whispered back to him a single word, suddenly calm.
“What…”
He failed to hear her and tripped through more words quickly.
“I shouldn’t have touched it… forgive me...”
She took a deep breath and repeated herself. He stared at her, confusion and pain etched into his scarred face. He echoed her.

“What… what is it” She questioned in a small fearful voice.
“It is me” He replied blankly. She finally lifted her head and looked at him. Her skin was pale with pink blotches, her eyes were wet. He gazed into those eyes, grief struck. Her tears had ceased and she whispered to him urgently. Her bright green eyes threatened to fill and overflow again.
“I… felt sick… why did I feel sick? Why did it look at me…?” He struggled his reply,
“It is hard to explain…”

She continued looking at him and breathed words, begging him to try.
“Let me take you upstairs” He said overlaying pain with tenderness. “You can tell me what you saw and I will try to explain” She looked at him, her features an uneasy mix of confusion desperation and fear. “Let me take you…” He repeated sounding more than a little nervous. He offered his hand to her. She gazed at him searchingly, afraid and paralysed. She seemed to diminish before his eyes as she cringed from him. His expression collapsed, falling with stinging pain.

“Please…” He pleaded despairingly, trying to break through to her. “Please don’t fear me”
She reached her hand out, slowly and timidly. She stopped a short way away from his hand. She looked at him desperately on the verge of tears, needing that last push to connect her hand to his. He begged, a single pleading desperate word, barely whispered. She closed her eyes and began to cry silently as she placed her hand in his. He held her hand tightly and spoke her name.
“I am not going to hurt you…” He whispered, words brimming with grief. “Do not shut me out…” She slumped, a rag doll hanging her head, tears falling to the flagstones. He slid across closer to her and letting go of her hand he lifted her into an embrace in his arms. He held her to him tightly and she leaned on him heavily. As she cried he held her.

Give me your fear, give me your sadness, and let me carry them.. let me carry you from this place... this place which is so different from your world.. I wish to tell her it's not real, it was just a dream. Even as I feel myself dying inside I wish to tell her not to be afraid, that I am different, that I am .. my arms grow tighter around her my will power fading fast before the raging river of tears that clawed at my flesh... I held her tight...

They held each other sitting in that narrow passageway built of stone blocks. The yellow candlelight cast golden sparkles over her hair and highlighted the dark shine of his. He held her tight, never wanting to let go. His voice was quiet and regretting,
“I never meant for you to see that”

She wiped her face with the back of her hand and whispered dully.
“Help me up” He lifted her effortlessly and looked down to her unhappy face, lost and confused eyes. He rested his hands on her sides and looked over his shoulder at the wooden object lying still upon the floor. He watched it both accusingly and awing. She rested her head against his shoulder, she seemed exhausted. He swept her into his arms as if she was weightless. Stepping close to the wooden heart, he dipped so she was within reach to pick it up. She shrank away as though frightened of it.

“I do not want to touch it” She whispered emotionally. She looked upset and distressed; she tried to move away from it.
“I cannot pick it up for you Elrien… you will feel it again” He pointed out gently but firmly, as though speaking to a child. Her expression crumpled and she reached out for it reluctantly. Hastily she dropped it into her bag as though it scalded her. Rising he walked in steady brisk strides to the great hall, past the altar which heated his skin and in turn hers; then up two flights to a room she had become to call her own.

He laid her on the bed and knelt on one knee beside her on the floor. Neither spoke for long drawn out minutes. She bent her arms above her head and stared at the canopy; he watched her.
“What are you waiting for me to say?” Her voice was flat and quiet. She rubbed her eyes.

There was only one answer...

“Anything”

“Tell me what happened…” She said weakly, fighting back more stinging tears from eyes that felt dehydrated. Closing her eyes and draping an arm over her face she recalled the events, aloud and in a slow deliberate voice. She talked and he listened. He held her hand as her words cut deeply into him. The more she described… what she saw... what she felt… her paralysing fear… he increased his hold on her hand. Whether to reassure her or to reassure himself, he never said. She shivered.

“There was a thing and it was watching me… it was creeping and watching but it was around me… it was almost as a wave, it swelled and it simmered.” She sounded upset as though the mere memory terrified her. “It was so angry… or was it anger… or something…”
He sat in silence, at first not answering her vague questions.
“How can that be though… watching creeping… but right next to me?” Her voice had escalated to a shrill tone. His voice was low and blunt,
“Because it is under my skin… always”

I knew the truth in my words as the deepest shadows of my mind began to gather around me, stalking me, waiting for a weakness, always waiting always watching.. I draw from her the strength I need.. from her hand gripped in mine I keep myself strong, knowing she is with me...

She looked at him. She was pale. He shook his head, shaking a thought denied from her forever. She pleaded that he tell her what happened and her voice became more agitated and upset. He stated simply and quietly, without much feeling,
“You saw what I feel, Elrien” He paused as she listened absorbing the words. “Though you interpreted it differently” She sat listening, feeling a mix of emotions, sympathy, understanding, sorrow. He continued speaking quietly and slowly to her,
“The sickening feelings… is what I feel as I become aware” He began to strip off his armour with a graceful practiced ease as he talked.

“You felt alone… because that is what it feels like. The fire…” He paused and stood still, he shook his head. “I assume you mean the only escape from the lonely feeling” He continued stripping his armour and changed into lighter clothing. She whispered,
“It was far away”
“No… just weak at times” He corrected automatically. “Hard to feel” She looked confused and characteristically protested,
“It got warmer… at one point it was warmer… like it had been stoked” Turned away from her, he smiled a smile to himself and answered quietly,
“I am sure it did”
She sighed and lay back down, no longer looking at him. Still turned away from her, his tone grew darker,

“But the anger… watching you… it’s the part of me that is not my own” Still gazing up at the canopy she questioned this, as her son would do, simply why.
“Because that is what it does.” He answered flatly. “Like eyes upon your back. Its there”
She was confused. They talked, he tried to explain and she tried to understand. They apologised to each other and held hands.

She wanted to help, as she always did. The good that was the core of her led her to such decisions daily. She could not; he pointed this out to her. It is not possible to change something that is an integral part of someone. Persistent and stubborn she pressed, she justified.

She began to dance into my hope, a barbed lifeline dangled before me... I knew the pain that would follow in letting her have her way.. I knew the tears, I knew the pain.. I am not strong enough to endure them, not from her.. not from me...

She spoke slowly and blushed a furious crimson as she spoke, emphasising her words with a deliberate slowness as though thinking hard on each and every one.
"If... I tried hard..." she paused, fidgeting. "And did not panic..." thinking over her next words she fiddled with her blonde hair. ”Would you touch it again?"
He looked at her in confusion, which was only reinforced by his words.
"You would be willing to experience that again?"

My words betrayed every warning in my heart.. DAMN them! She will get hurt! Don't! Stop! She cannot know this.. it is not the flowers in the fields of her world it is not the peace of her waking moment, this is the other side! This is not beauty! this is ugly.. ugly as me... please! Stop!

Slowly she nodded, her eyes were nervous.
"A brief glimpse you said" she whispered and her face broke into a shy smile. "I want to find the fire." The skin on her cheeks changed from that distressing stark white to a pale pink as she continued bashfully. "That's you isn't it?"
Mildly entertained by her theory, he shook his head slightly and smiled at her eager expression.

Her words, so soft on my jagged soul, I need her to see.. I cannot deny her.. my will is failing.. my defenses breached I am an open wound.. still bleeding out..

"That is you"
She was surprised and her features showed it clearly. She was confused.
"Me? I saw myself?" She gazed at him waiting for an answer.
"It is... hard to explain..." He stated simply as he shifted his position next to her. Familiar words that brought a small smile to her face.
"You said that when I deman... I mean asked you to explain where you had been for six months and why you could not tell me"

His smile was wider but shorter lived. Still avoiding her question, he spoke slowly, difficult words he would rather not be saying to her.
"If you think you are able to endure it... I will let you seek further into me... it is your right to know me." Did it hurt him as her eyes brightened with his statement? After seeing her so distressed, so pained, so terrified of him before.

I felt her look through me, I willed to curl up, move away.. this open feeling... this willingness to let her inside.. I am..

"If I just... if I could understand... maybe I could help..." Her voice was so full of hope it cut deeply. "Maybe" She added slowly. As though realising what she had just said, she added hastily, "Unless you did not want me to try and do that"

Afraid.

Effortlessly he pulled himself up and sat, leaning against the headboard.
"The choice is entirely yours..." He said gently. "I know what is inside... it is you who wishes to learn” He smiled at her and gestured her to sit up next to him. Without the same strength that graced him, she pulled her small frame up more clumsily and sat close to him.
“You wish to do this again now?” He questioned, knowing full well her answer. Her enthusiasm was hard to hide. She nodded slowly, clearly nervous. She smiled but it was faint.
“Before you have time to change your mind” She replied quietly.
“Then we will do this my way…” He said firmly. He patted the space on the bed between his legs. “Come here”

Without hesitation she crawled over and sat cross-legged facing him. A small smile on her lips as she looked up at him. He lifted a hand to her cheek and ran his rough fingers over her soft skin.
“Show me the channel” Animatedly she peered over the side of the bed and pointed to the floor. She crawled to the edge of the bed and while keeping perfect balance she leant over and picked up a small wooden object that was carved in the shape of a heart. Watching her he smiled again. Once it was in her hand she stared at it for a long moment. She was nervous and afraid, the power within something so small was belittling… and it was all linked to her. Thoughts raced through her mind in those seconds. What am I doing? Is it right is it wrong what could happen. She moved back, clutching it with one hand and resumed where she had sat. A place of safety, cross-legged between his legs. She tried hard to disguise how nervous she felt, but he knew her too well and could see it. His words were firm and caring,

“You are going to have control of how much you can take, Elrien” She nodded slowly, meeting his eyes. Her face was deadly serious. She understood as he did. Taking her empty hand, he locked their fingers.

“I will hold my hand to yours like this, the heart between our palms” He watched her closely making sure she fully understood. “If you cannot take it… pull your hand away” He separated his hand to show her exactly what he meant. She nodded looking back at him as she shifted her weight looking nervous. He let go and careful not to touch the wooden heart in her other hand with any part of himself, he slipped his arm around her slim waist and held her as he whispered,
“You are safe. I will not let go” She nodded quickly, no smile this time. He watched her green eyes as he touched his fingertips to hers.

“When you are ready”

The words empty, my own body.. my own heart was not.. I was forcing myself through.. for her, this fear... an emotion I forced out so many other times was like a shadow behind me, unwilling to become free of me. I couldn't let her see my weakness, I fought it with every determined thought..

“I am ready”

I knew the reply before it graced her lips..

“Stay with me”

He locked his fingers between hers, pressing the wooden heart between their palms.
Immediately she felt the sickness wash over her, through her, penetrating her. But she was ready for it. It ripped its way through her so rapidly she felt as though she was falling. Her complexion turned a little yellow and her body shuddered. The sickness, the poison it spread through her, ravaging out of control, an entity in itself. It came it spread, it left… or existed forgotten in the background as the isolation returned. The sounds and sights of the world slowed down rapidly, she was falling away from existence. So alone. So alone. But she was ready for it.

She tightened her grip on his fingers. He was coming, she felt the crawling sensation up her spine. He is coming am I ready? She trembled and her expression grew more fearful. Her seeing yet unseeing eyes blinked rapidly but she did not cry. He felt her tremble against his arm and held her more tightly. He was coming, surrounding her as a shadow. An angry shadow that crept and picked at the edges of reality. Unseen but aware. Her trembles became more severe and she lifted her free hand to her face, trying to defend herself. Her green eyes were blank, seeing but unseeing. It closed around her, slowly and patiently. It waited, it watched her, its eyes crawled over her lazily. There was no way out and no choice but to stay still.

“You are safe… stay with me”

I felt my strength renewed.. for her I slew my fear, I fought for her.. for her I will be here, whole I will be here, Elrien... stay with me...

The fire. She could feel its warmth. It was so far away, how will I find it? She could feel it, intense, yearning, a warmth. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and gripped his fingers tighter still. The shadow, the anger it swirled around her, towered around her, built up around her. She screwed her eyes so tightly closed it looked painful. Defaulting back to her first language subconsciously she whispered in elven,
“Go away”

She felt ill with her eyes closed, she could feel it moving against her, under her skin. Rippling anger and rage running waves under her skin, bringing back the sickness, increasing its magnitude. She whimpered softly as her colour grew sicklier, he loosened his hold on her hand, ensuring she could exit. She maintained her grip on his fingers and forced herself to open her eyes. They gazed at and through each other.

It was close. It felt as the sun on her face, the warmth the fire. It was close. Seeing in two realities she reached out with her free hand vaguely, reaching for something. As she strained to touch them, the fires recoiled, maintaining a constant distance from her. Aware of her, they taunted her. The hate and rage closed in around her like towering black water, suffocating her. She was frightened, without realising she lifted her face towards the canopy of the bed. Reaching desperately for air, she was drowning.

“Stay with me…”

I felt anger swell, I knew it was dangerous, but I felt it... seeing her pain from me... I felt anger boiling up .. angry at me... I tried to focus.. El... el... el... el... my thoughts faded away.. lost in her expression

He held her tight, feeling her now constant trembling against his arm. Something new had arrived. Another something, one that was out of place. It did not fit in this picture. The warmth caressed her skin, burning flames licking her. Burning without pain. A calm was coming. An immense calm. Her whole body tensed and her sallow complexion paled. Her grip on his fingers was tight, her knuckles turning white and her fingers cold. The calm carried a great importance, the anger backed away from her, was it… bowing to the calm? She felt eyes upon her once more, they knew her and she felt familiarity with them. We know each other? She shuddered and closed her eyes tight again. Her outstretched hand was remembered and she reached vaguely with it again. Where is the fire… she whispered in elven,
“Please come back”

I am here!! I urged into the woven pieces of my thoughts.. trying to show her..

No longer superimposed realities, she could see a fire, dancing against the blackness of her closed eyes. Its warmth was clearer and more defined in the presence of the calm. Her fears threatened to melt away as she felt happiness. Her trembling ceased and she a little reluctantly relaxed herself, managing a small cautious smile at this welcome sensation. The flames seemed to embrace her, fiery arms that threw themselves around her. She felt reassured and she felt love. She was calmer, sitting still with her eyes closed and her head tilted slightly. She relaxed her grip on his fingers a little and hot blood flowed through them easily again. She had found the fire.

I closed my eyes in concentration..

There was something on the other side. Or was there. A mirage... or something. It shifted on the other of the fire. She leant forward slightly towards the fire trying to see, she leant forwards towards him as he held her tightly. Her expression was peaceful and thoughtful. Without warning the hate was back, the hate and rage. It was brooding just beyond the boundary of the fire, a fog, a darkness that threatened to penetrate the sanctuary where she stood embraced by fire.

“Elrien…” He whispered still holding her protectively.

See me...

A voice spoke close to her, from beyond the fire. Elrien… She startled and looked all around, her face took on an expression of panic and she reached forward again. Unaware, she gripped his fingers tight and again her knuckles became white. She cried out in elven,
“No! Go away!”
The fire parted a small amount. She squinted through the opening and saw a figure. It wore jet black armour head to toe. Someone she trusted without question. Someone she no longer feared.
Someone she loved. Teasing her, the flames closed again taking the figure with them. She reached out towards the figure and her straining hand pulled her body and her feet tripping through the flames.

Instead of crossing through the flames swallowed her up whole. Wild emotions battered her like a gale. Uncontrolled untamed fully raging love consumed her. A new height of pleasure that threatened to drive her crazy. Standing in the fire she cried out overwhelmed. In the bedroom she shook violently reaching towards the figure, her feet still shuffling desperately towards him trying to traverse the flames. She gripped his hand tightly whether aware of it or not. Clinging to reality, or to a dream. Stumbling, they allowed her to reach the other side. Blessed relief from the powerful love that had pounded on her. She was aware of the rage lapping at the edges around her. Compared to the debilitating intensity of the flames, the restrained rage could even seem preferable. The churning emotions simmered behind her and at the back of her mind as a warm glow. The air around her seemed still and expectant. The anger was at bay and she felt no fear.

The calm. It washed over her like a tidal wave. It brought control and order to everything. Back in the bedroom her hand dropped to her knee unnoticed, her breathing became quicker and deeper and she looked on the verge of hyperventilating. She whispered pathetically in elven
“Don’t leave me”

My eyes open to meet her expression only inches from my own.. I held her tight, I am here.. she knows I will not leave, I need not speak..

She had found him. He sat, half in the gently lapping rage and half into the fiery sanctuary. The blackness slammed into his back, digging and tearing viciously. He stayed still hunched over accepting all of it. She stared at him and he stared through her. She swayed and gasped in both realities. In a dream she almost lost her grip on a hand for a split second. She lunged forward violently towards the inky blackness with one hand and raised her voice to a near shout,
“Leave him alone!”
In a dream her eyes were closed, in reality they were open and frightened watching the confusion before her. She blinked and he was gone, she felt a hand around her arm. It held her back, forcing her to remain in the fiery sanctuary as she reached for the darkness. He stood beside her, his hand on her arm. He let go of her and walked towards the fires alone and unclothed.

“Stay with me… Elrien”

A voice bounced around her, echoing off the dark churning walls. Stay with me… Elrien. She stood in the sanctuary, confused and a little worried as he walked away from her, somewhere someone sat on a bed sharing her feelings. Her arm was still outstretched stiff and useless. She whispered, her voice barely audible in flowing elven. She sounded hopeless
“Don’t leave me”

He walked away and the darkness made ropy tentacles in his shadow. He knelt by the fire and they stalked him moving like snakes with a terrifying life of their own. She could do no more than watch in silent horror as they rose up savagely behind him and without warning impaled into him. He did not move and sat unaffected, as they seemed to feed from him. The fire was warm and the air was calm. She was shocked and confused. She watched and it caused her pain. The mixture of feelings was dizzying. Powerful love and terrible rage, two forces barely controlled by an immense calm.

As she stood paralysed watching she could feel a cold building up behind her, in her shadow. Her skin cooled and chilled and felt like she was falling again. The rage was creeping behind her and she was being engulfed. Her skin prickled and her hair felt as though it was standing on end. She could not move, she was helpless and suddenly extremely vulnerable. She started to tremble and reached out desperately with her hand towards him as he knelt by the fire. In the dream she tugged her hand locked with his but it was frozen.
“Don’t leave me!” She screamed.

“I am here…”

I am here.. I reassured her, I reassured myself in the wake of her scream I was ready to save her, but I couldn't .. this was her choice.. I could not interfere..

If the words penetrated reality she failed to hear them in her panic. The darkness came up and over her. The fire was gone, his image, kneeling by the flames in perfect peace faded rapidly. The rage entered her, she was breathing it. It twisted her mind, filling her with thoughts and images that chilled her to the bone. She was losing control. Thoughts of killing and maiming forced their way cruelly into her mind. Violated her pure perspectives.

Somewhere in a dream far away she screamed piercingly and tugged feverishly at a hand that was frozen.

I felt my concentration bending.. something is wrong..

She could feel fingers grasp around her heart. Cold unpleasant fingers which sank their way into her innocence and carelessly tore it in two. As cruelty and death pushed their way into her mind, peace and happiness were chased out. She screamed again in elven, high pitched and hysterical
“Don’t leave me!”

A sword pushed through my chest, piercing my heart and exiting my back... I felt every sensation of it's wound.. warm blood running over my skin... unlike any battle scar, unlike any knives edge.. so much pain, her scream twisting the blade as I felt her agony.. I went numb... I couldn't feel I could only see, hear, I knew something was wrong..

The wooden heart dropped to the bed without a sound as he pulled his hand from hers. She fell limp and the blackness peeled away from her. Her eyes were still closed and tears streamed from them. He caught her before she could fall and held her up to him tightly and protectively.

I felt the blade push further through me as I brought her limp, into my arms... as though she was holding the handle I.. felt it drive deeper, threatening to pin me, I didn't care.. I would die here in her arms if that is what it took.. I held her... I spoke..

As he spoke her name he saw she had fainted. He called her name desperately again as his concern multiplied. He laid her on the bed and looked over her quickly. He shook her agitatedly as he called her name. Her eyes fluttered and she blinked awake gasping air and looking at him frenzied. His relief as she came to was tremendous, he breathed a sigh as his panic diminished.
“You are safe… its over” He assured her. Not hearing she clawed at the fabric covering her arms with her short nails in her frenzy. Her eyes were wild and her pallor was deathly pale.
“You left me you left you left me” She raved in elven, her voice hushed yet delirious.
“No… I haven’t left you” He comforted her. “Elrien, breathe its over now” He held her down gently upon the bed as she struggled lightly at his arms feverishly. She breathed erratically clinging to the fabric. Her voice was almost conspiratorial,

“I tried I tried my hand was stuck I couldn’t let go I tried” She gushed panicked.
“Its okay… you are safe now...” He tried again to reassure her as she stared up at him in terror. He brushed a hand over her white cheek as she began to calm down. “Stay with me” He urged tenderly. She held on tight
“Don’t leave me” She begged weakly. Her words sounded difficult to speak, almost slurred. “Don’t leave me”

He shifted slightly and with a swift, effortless movement he lifted her from the bed and into his arms, holding her tightly to him. He whispered next to her ear,
“I am not leaving”
She clung to him and buried her face against the rough skin of his neck. He stroked her tangled hair and absently began detangling parts of it.
“You are safe El… I am here…” He whispered, committed to soothing her fear and anxiety. He felt her nod brushing her hair against his skin, as her tension in his arms grew more relaxed. He caressed her hair smoothing loose strands to her head. She calmed, still clinging to him tightly and whispered fervently, finally reverting back to the common tongue,
“I’m sorry”

“There is no need to be” He assured her quietly, continuing to stroke her hair slowly, detangling knots periodically as he found them. At last relaxed, she sat quietly upon his knee with his arms wrapped around her. Her head rested against his shoulder. He spoke again in the same quiet voice,
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
“I… think so” She spoke quietly. She began to say more but the words were forever lost as her voice trailed into silence. There was a peaceful silence as he undid knots in her hair and she slowly absorbed everything which had happened.
“What I was looking for?” She repeated sounding lost as her words broke the quiet in the small stone room. He smiled slightly and urged her gently,
“What did you find?”

She waited looking shy before she answered.
“I found you” She said softly and innocently. “You were in the fire”
“Did you?” He pressed as his smile grew, his fingers still working in her hair. She nodded brushing her golden hair against his cheek lightly. She smiled shyly and whispered.
“Yes”

I felt breath return to fill my lungs.. I felt the cool air of the room, the warmth of her body as my blood began again to move through my veins.. I felt my heart again begin to beat against my chest, I felt the sword withdraw from me, I felt my pain fade my numb.. fade... I felt love. and I again, was calm.

=======================================================================

A desperate blackened hand sifts through a mountain of ashes... what?! the figures eyes leap to the shroud of darkness all around him. I see you... searching the shadows.. his brow narrows and he turns away. The ashes scattering side to side, his motions urgent trying to uncover what lays hidden behind it's wall.. a reflection... a glint of light.. his head turns "What?!" voice strong and demanding.. no reply.

His gaze again comes to the pile of ash in front of him, he remains on his hands and knees as he clears away the soot to reveal a vision.. a scarred creature both pitiful and strong, words on the same breath of a long sigh. Deep opal eyes stared back at him.. he knew his face. Marking his cheek with a black streak of ash as he comes to terms with the reality that it is his reflection. His eyes brought no comfort to him.. they never have.. they were not his..

The mirror vibrates outward like the many rings of a disturbed pool of water. The warrior’s hands rise from the image holding still as fear tiptoes from the base of his spine. The image distorts... Lyon's expression. His fear betrays his cold exterior as flames leap up from around his reflection. A burst of anger... of rage... it bores a hole through his mind with questions too many.. Why! the sound of his voice a dull prick in the finger of terror, the blood from the wound like the single tear from his eye staring at a twisted mural.. a beast... a thing that once touched him grinning back through fanged teeth.

"NO!" Lyon's voice a thousand screams ricocheting off the inky walls of his nightmare. His fist came down like a hammer ripping a hole through the mirror below him.. shards spraying up as the cracks crept through the whole of the reflection splitting it apart and hiding the devil from his view.

A dull thud as his heart pulsed against his forehead staring down at the broken remains... Like me... his lips moved by his breath withheld the words they wished to speak. Blood dripping from his hand.. wounded by his rage by his dream.. a soft sound... a quivering voice... his eyes closed as he heard his silent weeping.. his hand wiping away tears that were not there. what... a question without the emotion to form a question he looks around the fabric of his prison for the source of the tears.

His gaze again focusing on the broken remains of the mirror under him.. the weeping growing around him as he peered closer.. looking through his blood that marred the reflection of one shard. A woman... she held her knees.. tears... El...

The figure shot forward from the bed throwing cold droplets of sweat from his pale expression. The darkness of the room filled his lungs with every hastened breath he took as he tried desperately to gather his thoughts. Eyes swallowing whole their surroundings attempting to locate themselves. A sharp pain in his right shoulder make him aware that he was awake..

Lyon hung his head wiping away the sweat from his brow with his hand. His gaze met the movement of feet under the covers next to him, a smile forcing through his expression. He lay back again his head turned to meet the closed eyes of the one he loved. She rest peacefully a smile teasing her lips as he began to tuck her in.

He rose from the bed as a ghost from a grave, silent and haunting as he made his way from the room...

[Drankathar]

pah... to intence.. to dramatic.. and most of all far to...



Fusking COOL!


how can i compare to that... sheesh least give me a fighting chance...


top dollar guys, keep it up... totaly amazing!

[Virvaldin]

pr0n warninig!!!!!

[Gagred]

*fist salute*

Impressive reading - especially the first section.

Hope there's more to come?

[PensivesWetness]

meh, abusers of Klenex, it needed to sound more... lemony...

/me giggles and huggles

[rudy2688]

Bravo GR and Lou. It was just what I expected. Talent, plain and simple.