Just Troll With It (play by Begor)

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Ladellon
Dire Badger
Posts: 155
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2004 1:24 am
Location: just north of Leadfeather

Just Troll With It (play by Begor)

Post by Ladellon »

(for those who missed the play or any who just want to see what they missed when it made it's debut at the Fochlucan. This is the original script and the players who contributed as actors made wonderful additions to their parts, had me laughing several times.)


JUST TROLL WITH IT
a play written and directed by Begor N’istrema, Roving Entertainment Group of Ruith

NATE – troll played by Begor N’istrema
BIBOL – troll played by Olivius Angustian
BIF – orc played by T'lisa Windstar
PAYTON – paladin of Torm played by Ashera Elleaf



[BEGOR] Welcome ladies and gents to the very first production by one of the newest and truest, the latest and greatest, acting troupes in all of Fearun . . . the Roving Entertainer’s Guild of Ruith and, if you get the reference, you can move up to the front!

The production this evening is entitled Just Troll With It and takes place in that unsavory, underdark town of . . . Skullport.

The city’s vileness is unparalleled – thievery is rampant, murderers run loose, there is perpetual darkness . . . and that is just the way they like it in Skullport.

We begin in Fortune Nate’s Gambling House where the troll owner, Nate Gutgreaser, and his son, Bibol, are making the place suitable for opening
by smashing tankards of ale against the walls, vomiting on the floor, and paying a few coppers to a zombie to lay on the floor among the swill.

*Begor goes behind the curtain and emerges in a troll costume*


SCENE 1 – (Fortune Nate’s Gambling House)

[NATE] *singing*
There’s brutes and zombies outside
And crowding three to a row.
They look to be without pride –
That’s how we like ‘em, you know.

*points around the room*

Now tear those tapestries down
And smash a tankard of ale.
Our reputation’s renowned
Mind even the smallest detail.

Oh, right here at Fortune Nate’s
I’ll wager they’re ready to go.
Traveling from both far and near –
It’s time for a prize-winning show.

We’ll answer the call
To throw dice with them all
That’s what we’re gonna do
So, please, everybody make . . . whoa . . .

*speaking* whoa, whoa, whoa.

*pointing with a frown*

Bibol, what is that thing on the floor over there?

[BIBOL] Oh, he was knifed three days ago by that fence from across town.
I think his name was Glurk.
At least that’s what he said when he fell to the floor.

[NATE] And he’s still lying there?

[BIDOL] *shrugs* I thought he added to the décor

[NATE] Brilliant, my boy.

*singing with gusto*

So, please, everybody make everything shoddy
Over here, some more vomit - it makes the place gaudy.
At Fortune Nate’s, we’re all here for you . . .
Yes, we’re all here for you.

*a door opens and an orc steps onto the stage*
*he steps over broken objects and walks toward Nate*

[NATE] *with slight disdain in his voice* Hello, Bif.

[BIF] *with a sneer* Place looks great, Nate. You’re really upping the ante.

[NATE] *groans* We’re just about to open. What do you want?

[BIF] Just a friendly word of warning.
Word is, there’s a new paladin in town . . . from the uplands.

*points upward*

She’s making trouble for everyone.
Thinks places like ours are the source of all iniquity and evil.

[NATE] *smiling broadly* and she’s absolutely right.

[BIF] Yeah, just be careful.
I don’t want her closing up your place.
Bif’s Betting Billet could be next.

*walks across stage where he entered and looks back suspiciously*

*singing but quietly in the room’s corner*

There’s something not right
There’s something amiss
For no one can be as
Successful as this.

I don’t understand -
It doesn’t sit well,
I’m just scraping by while
Their wealth seems to swell.

I use loaded dice and sell second-rate kiff
But if they can make it, why not me?
Why not Bif?

*singing softly*

I’ll inquire around –
Learn of their covert plot
They’re one of the haves
and we others have not.

I’ll find the reason
They’re acting so regal
I wonder, are they *gasps*
Doing something legal?

There must be a clue - I just need a whiff
If anyone can find it, why not me?
Why not Bif?

*Bif slinks off stage*


SCENE 2 – (Later in the day, Fortune Nate’s)

*a door opens and on stage enters a paladin in glistening armor*
*she glares menacingly at the few scoundrels sitting at tables*

[BIBOL] *pointing* Hey dad, look it’s Miss Angelyrd.

[NATE] *to his son*
What have I told you about when she’s not in earshot? You call her Angel Turd.

*looks up the paladin as she approaches*

Ah, Payton Angelyrd. What fortune brings you to Fortune Nate’s?

[PAYTON] *pompously and loudly*
I have come for my regular delivery, Nate. I assume it is ready?

[NATE] *pulls Payton in closely and whispers*
Will you keep it down?
If anyone finds out that I’m making Torm holy symbols in the back, I’ll be ruined.
Run out of Skullport.

[PAYTON] *smiles and whispers*
But you like the coin, no?

[NATE] *whispering* Just keep it down, will you?
*loudly* So, yeah, I’ll get that order right up for you.
*nudges Bibol and they both disappear to the back*

*Payton surveys the patrons again with a pitious look and moves to the center of the room*

[PAYTON] *singing with gusto*

You’re all headed downhill
As you mull on your swill
and lack any basic coherence.
You’ve all been besotted
The city has rotted
It’s lucky I’ve made an appearance.

This whole place needs a cleanse
I will help bring amends
For I have a reliable guide.
It takes satisfaction
At evil’s reaction
But it’s not what you think - it’s not pride

It’s my righteous indignation!
I condemn you
And Torm does, too.
Prepare for severe castigation
And possible total damnation
To each of you
I’ll soon debut
My righteous indignation

*singing loudly*

When complete you’ll improve
And your mums will approve
Of the gods-fearing heights you’ll attain.
From border to border
Will reign basic order
And naught but pure good will remain.

Don’t think I’ll take delight
In the upcoming fight
Or of those whose lives I’m uprooting
Even if I could opt
It just cannot be stopped -
A frivolous act to try muting

My righteous indignation!
I condemn you
And Torm does, too.
I’ve already won approbation
To rid this whole place of temptation
When it’s been dealt
You’ll all have felt
My righteous indignation.

*Nate returns with a crate*
*He walks to Payton*

[NATE] Shall I put this in your cart outside?

*Payton nods and Nate goes out the door*

*As she follows Nate out the door, Payton sings*

[PAYTON] The time has come to unfetter
For there is naught that feels better
Than righteous indignation!

*a light shines on Bif who is sitting in a dark corner of the room*

*with wide eyes, he rubs his chin and sings*

[BIF] So that is your game -
A deal with that fawner
If you’re going to cheat
At least cheat with honor.

I’ll demand a slice
Of the action with ease
And if they resist -
They’ll be thrown to the breeze.

My profits will keep from going over the cliff
If the Gutgreaser clan can do it, why not me?
Why not Bif?

*the light goes off*


SCENE 3 - (two days later, near midnight in an alley)

*Bif is pacing in the alley*

[BIF] *speaking to himself*
You are clever, Bif, very clever.
Send them both a secret note, telling them to show up here, at midnight.

*rubs his hands together gleefully*

It’s a great night for blackmail.
They will both now answer to me.
I’ll be in control.

*laughs briefly and then sings*

We’re not only about killing
Though that is fulfilling
Our green skin is different and sets us apart
But one thing I know and I know it by heart
Ahh, orcs is smart.

I learned of their hush-hush
Now I’ll get a gold rush
A hundred a week would be a good start
I’ll get so much they will need a big cart
Ahh, orcs is smart.

*Payton arrives in the alley with three guards, waving a note in her hand*

[PAYTON] Bif! What is the meaning of this? Where is Nate?

[BIF] *looks a bit nervous*
I know what you two are up to . . . manufacturing and distributing holy symbols . . . of Torm . . . and legally.
It’s repulsive.

[PAYTON] I see.

*she ponders for a moment*

This accelerates things a bit. No matter.

*pointing to Bif*

Arrest this orc! Take him to the dungeons!

*the guards grab a stunned Bif and drag him way*

[PAYTON] *singing proudly*

Your bribery has failed you
And now you will be jailed, too.
Nothing can stop the upcoming crusade.
For it all starts in earnest
And I will be the sternest.
You can run but you cannot evade

My righteous indignation!
I condemn you
And Torm does, too.
You’re all under incrimination,
Receiving my full condemnation.
I have come to
Introduce you
To my righteous indignation.

*she storms off the stage*


SCENE 4 - (the same evening, along a dark path)

*Nate and Bibol are walking, a full cart beside them*

[BIBOL] Gee, dad, how did you know? How did you know it was Bif who set up that meeting?

[NATE] *holds up a note*
Elementary, son.
He was on to us, you see.
He wanted to extort us, but he wrote his demands on his own Betting Billet stationary.
He gave himself away.

[BIBOL] What a numbskull.

[NATE] *nods and sings*
When it comes to cunning
Their lack is simply stunning.
When in school they pass on labs and art
Preferring to hone skills in belch and fart.
Ahh, orcs aren’t smart.

Now Bif, he tried his best
But if I were hard pressed
I’d say he failed to set himself apart.
So to the dungeons he will now depart
Ahh, orcs aren’t smart.

*pats Bibol on the head*

[NATE] Now, Bibol, we trolls are made of far shrewder material.
We can evaluate a particular situation and, when it deteriorates, recognize it is time for a change.
We’ve outstayed our welcome.
We’re moving on from Skullport.
For a couple of good-looking trolls like us, I see nothing but green pastures ahead.

*singing enthusiastically*

We’ll leave behind us a world that is rife
With danger, evils, anguish, and strife
We’ll start up with a new delivery tune.
We’re off to pursue a new kind of life
Perhaps I’ll even seek out a new wife
I’m sure they’ll welcome us in Silverymoon!

Oh, Silverymoon, the Gem of the North
Will be our new home from this day henceforth
We’ll start up with a new delivery tune.
There’s no holding back, we’re sallying forth
To the surface we go, then a little bit North
I’m sure they’ll welcome us in Silverymoon!

They say the place is full of elves
We’ll never have to keep to ourselves!
I hope they’ll welcome us in Silverymoon!

I’m sure they’ll put us on their rolls
Who wouldn’t want two happy trolls?
I can’t wait to be welcomed in Silverymoon!

*Nate, Bidol and the cart proceed offstage*
Final PC: Regor the Valorious, the ONLY theatrically-inclined half-orc androgyne wandering ALFA, Artistic Director for Cormanthor Stage Productions, one-time stand up pirate and self-educated barrister of the bar.

Former PC: Begor Nightstrummer, Executive Stage Writer and Assistant Director of Planned Gifts for the Roving Entertainment Group of Ruith

Current PC: Sheshe Little Eels
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Wynna
Dungeon Master
Posts: 5734
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 10:09 am
Location: Seattle, WA (PST)

Re: Just Troll With It (play by Begor)

Post by Wynna »

You are amazing. Thank you for writing, and for playing.
Enjoy the game
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