A Land Far Away

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Varied are the many waters,
That come to lie, upon the land,
And as one they lead to ocean,
To slumber soft, near moonlit sand...

It is not that they are aimless,
Haphazard steps, that reach the shore,
It is not a chance meandor,
The path they follow, so much more...

Every cloud will birth a raindrop,
Lamenting tears for loss of home,
And as they gather, in their pools,
They soon discuss the paths they'll roam...

Long and rugged be the journey,
And some are lost, along the way,
They press on, though they might falter,
And reach the sea, somehow, someway...

As it is, and as it shall be,
A cycle that all things abide,
You and I, the moon, the mountains,
The weave of life, of time, of tide.


- Anon - An old poem, from Archendale

I sang that one to variations on some hymn or other. That was the mood you evoked. Wow!

I was just talking to my mountain coach (he coaches me by phone) about the waters flowing to the sea, then evaporating and blowing to the mountains again. I might try adding some verses about the airy part of the cycle, some time after the NWN contest is finished.

Maybe we could jam about water images. My mountain coach has led me through several trances about metaphorical rivers. Again, after the contest.

I'm wondering why you didn't have them reach the sea, somehow, some day... That avoids the rhyme of way with way. Maybe day is inappropriate to your thought?

I love the drops gathering in their pools to discuss their paths. It sounds like the ALFA forums.

Did this one wake you up in the middle of the night?

Respectfully,

The idea came from the title, which I stole from a movie... the poem itself had nothing to do with the movie though, It was an attempt at writing in constant meter. It was harder to do than I thought... I tend to use lines with less syllables at the end of a grouping for haiku-like effect... so this was a bit of a challenge.

Did you notice that every line has eight syllables?

I liked the idea of using the water cycle as a model for life, thought it appropriate... I had thought about adding some more verses, and fleshing out the story a little more, but it was really late and need of bed outweighed need to finish.

I'd much rather see what you come up with though, looks like a good candidate for our 'back and forth'. We should try to increase the undercurrents and hidden references to mankind, perhaps increasing the spectrum to cover all the elements? Might need a re-title

Sounds like fun though, when you're through submitting your work to the contest, just post away

Cheers!

// Aer

I notice meter right away. Meter is my metier. That's why this song was so easy for me to sing. I really never thought of counting syllables, because meter isn't really about syllables, it's about accents.

For example, with only one exception your first and third lines end with an unaccented syllable and your second and fourth with an accented syllable. That's a common pattern that sings very well. In your first two verses you have an unaccented syllable at the beginning of the second and fourth lines, I guess because you were counting syllables. That pattern attracted me and suggested the tune I used.

There's nothing wrong with fewer syllables at the end of a groupiing (verse?) either. The standard ballad meter chops one unaccented syllable off the fourth line.

You didn't write in constant meter, which is good. If Shakespeare had written in constant iambic pentameter his audience would have fallen asleep. There are permissable variations, the poetry teachers say, and every poem should have a few. Those teachers wouldn't respect me, because I never learned the names for all those meters and rhyme schemes. I think they'd respect my poetry though, because it sings.

The important thing is that a poem sing to me when I read it aloud. I don't mean it needs a tune; I mean the rythm must be beautiful. A good poem sounds good even if I don't know the language it's in.

I make what poets might call meter mistakes because i'm more of a song writer, and songs are freer in some ways and more constrained in others than poems. I have to force myself to read a poem aloud without singing it. I forced myself for "Time and Tide." it sings, with or without a tune.

People are sensitive to meter without realizing it. I once wrote a review of a book I much admired in iambic pentameter. Since it went in the newspaper, I couldn't print it in lines like a poem. I think if I hadn't told the editor it was iambic he wouldn't have noticed.

I got several compliments on that review. Nobody complimented any of my other reviews.

I'd love to see a thread about poetry, with examples. I'd learn a lot. There are so many beautiful ways of speaking that I've never learned the names of, and that I'd like to try.

OK, we have two possible subjects for our back-and-forth so far. I love the idea of specifically bringing the other elements in. They're all there now, hiding in the background.

Frankly, I think this poem needs a retitle anyway. "Time and tide wait for no man" is a cliche that's not relevant to the subject. 'Many Waters,' 'Varied Waters,' 'Water's Journey?'

This is so much fun!

I was just amusing myself with the syllable count, I am aware of accents and try to write poems that "sing", or at least, flow well

I have no idea what the modes of meter are, I've never had that kind of formal training, only the comments of those who have viewed/edited/published my work. I have written a few songs, nothing that made it main stream, but I do enjoy the freedom and creativity of crafting words towards a specific voice and genre.

I don't know if we'd be able to keep an 'educational' poetry thread here in ALFA, but conversing in this fashion will likely lead to something similar... I am sure there are billboards out there that allow for the type of functioning you are after, though... I'll let you know if I come across one.

To get us started let's decide who writes for which element. We can take a page from another book, giving the 'female' elements of water and air to you while I take the elements of fire and earth. Open with Water, follow with Earth, then Air and closing with Fire. The final set could follow the verses on Fire, and tie all four elements to the underpenned relationships with mankind... this final verse I leave to you.

As to the title, I liked it But it is a bit cliche, I suppose... we should think of a title that incloses the work, all elements and their reflections on men/women.

You get the last verse, so I'll think up a title

If you want to switch any of the roles, let me know. If you find yourself in the moment and pen something out, post it here. When we get everything cleaned up we can repost it as a new entry.

This -is- exciting!

// Aer