Evensong II: L'olath'anon

[Killthorne]

I hesitate. Once again, I pace about my room, thoughts fleeting on each intense moment I have spent with my mentor and now established friend, Sheyreza. My heart pounds against my chest forcefully when I try to rationalize my feelings for her. Is this what some consider love? What would I do for her? What wouldn't I do for her? I feel helpless in this. Never have I felt this way towards a female.

I first felt this weakness, nau.. feeling... when I could not place a blow upon her in sparring practice. Every move I made seemed flawed and unhoned by years of training compared to her graceful, calm, and insidiously evasive footwork. She did not curse at me, nor scold me, when I did not make a hit. She praised me....

Her beauty... though not the body and face of her soul, had ignited my most primal male desires for her, but so much that I am unsure of... Is it the feverish visions in reverie of her as a wicked Spiderkisser, slaughtering me after she was sated lustfully?? It is a fear I have with female ilythirri in general, that just cannot seem to be vanquished from my mind completely...




And if I only could keep up to her. She moves continuously, ever fighting onwards, against such extreme odds. Was she so different from Tazzen? Gambling her life in order to create a better reality for herself and others that matter? Perhaps now I realize that I do still admire Tazzen for his integrity, as I do with Sheyreza. Though how she fought for her goals, it is much different...


Or was it?




Khaless. By the Dark Maiden, do I ever need to learn past this. My suspicious nature is what binds me to mistrust, and I see now, that it impedes progression in showing the Dark Flower my... love for her. What do I have to do to rid myself of this fear? I cannot show it to her... but then I lie? Will she accept my fears, or will she dislike me because I show mistrust? This is what bothers me most...

I just want to share her life with her... and perhaps, we both could learn from each other... or atleast, stand by each other in our faith. I am certain that with her, we could achieve much. I hold such respect and esteem for her, that it might be my answer to ridding this fear of her. Time will tell, xas.

I want time with her, alone, and without feeling pressured by our duties for the Promenade, or caught in a situation that calls for it's attention.... but does she want that? I cannot tell. I do not understand if I am considered a utility, or someone she desires yet...

She is very forward though, much to my liking. I cannot help but smile when I hear her speak in my mind, her bluntness and proud smile burning brighter than the rest of the images and sounds I have kept in memory of her.

And this thinking never ends. Around and around, I keep pacing... when can I tell her? I lead around to it slowly, but it's not as blunt and straight to the point, as her. Xas, she must know I am wary. Xas...

This love thing is not something I am accustomed to. I just need more time...and I only hope she is slightly patient with me, as I seem to have little for my new found self.

[Vendrin]

I look forward to when Shey rips out this guy's heart as a sacrifice.

But yea, good story.

[Mizbiz]

Brilliant as always.

Killthorne, you and Mikayla are lucky. Both of you get to RP with one of the best RPers in alfa. Please keep writing, as I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch your RP sessions.

But not a spider on the wall. No, never that.