This is quite frustrating, every time i blink i miss out on what happends next
Its happened allready, you have been seeing the past
Really?
Im not making it up.
Can you show me the future then?
I suppose, how far ahead?
oh, somewhere between six and nine months, and something entertaining.
Well, i know a good one, im not sure you'll like it though.
Why?
You'll see.
http://www.alandfaraway.org/phpbbforum/ ... hp?t=28974
*tap*
Dobari Winkle
Dobari was having a sleep over with invited guests. They were a myriad group ranging from giants to gnomes, the planar to the puny, the normal to the spectacuarly abnormal. They gathered around the mystical serving platter watching a story unfold. The scene was a mountain, and two men stood in front of chained slaves. They were talking when one of the men reached for his trousers.
"OH MY GOODNESS! look what hes doing!" said one of the guests, a tiny fairy with an odd planar accent. "Thats just wrong!" he squealed and flitted off down the corridors. The rest of the group ignored him and gathered closer to see what had upset the winged creature. The scene unfolded causing raised eyebrows and ruffled feathers from some of the bird shaped guests.
A large hand reached over the gathered folks and turned the plate over causing a few "awww"s. "Dobari!" growled the custodian of the area where Dobari lived. "You shouldn't be showing your guests that sort of thing!" he said with the fairy hovering over his shoulder. "At least not until i check with you know who" he continued.
The custodian walked off with the dinner plate.
Dobari shrugged seemingly bemused. Then one of the cloakshadows gnomes piped up with a story of his own....
"OH MY GOODNESS! look what hes doing!" said one of the guests, a tiny fairy with an odd planar accent. "Thats just wrong!" he squealed and flitted off down the corridors. The rest of the group ignored him and gathered closer to see what had upset the winged creature. The scene unfolded causing raised eyebrows and ruffled feathers from some of the bird shaped guests.
A large hand reached over the gathered folks and turned the plate over causing a few "awww"s. "Dobari!" growled the custodian of the area where Dobari lived. "You shouldn't be showing your guests that sort of thing!" he said with the fairy hovering over his shoulder. "At least not until i check with you know who" he continued.
The custodian walked off with the dinner plate.
Dobari shrugged seemingly bemused. Then one of the cloakshadows gnomes piped up with a story of his own....
12.August.2015: Never forget.
The gnome continued...
So there was this wee gnome town you see, right on the edges of the great marsh, which we liked to call mudfoot, cause the mud stuck to your foot right? Course the kids liked to call it mud shin, and ol Gil he liked to call it mud sausage, cause he had no legs after the troll incident. Har, funny guy that ol' Gil. Til the VAMPIRE DRANK HIS BLOOD!
The crowd gasped dramaticly.
So this is the story of the village and the vampire.
Now you all know me allready as Gribble Whizzer. Well my gnomish name is actually a lot longer. I wont make you memorise it on accounts of you cant. I was born in the village and i died in the village. Course i did leave the village inbetween studying under Porridge. Porridge bless his soul was the most devout gnome i ever met. Course devout when your talking about the cloakshadow doesnt mean serious.
Practical jokes out the jaxxy let me tell you. No really.
Sooo... moving along i was back home in the village visiting ma and pa and da. Ma being a little you know... friendly when she was younger, pa and da being best friends worked out well in the end, one ma, two fathers. Apart from us there was probably only a dozen other families in the town. Maybe fifty gnomes in total. I mean no one really wants to live next to Mudfoot, we just kinda did.
So I just got back from my studies. Snuck in through the window to try and suprise ma and pa and da. N' I did. In bed. Shoulda known enough o knock first.
After they made themselves presentable an' we all had a good laugh we got down to the serious business of eatin' and drinkin' in celebration of my visit.
Pork pie, turnip soup, swede stew, and heaped helpins of garlic bread. Then we went to sleep. Early mornin' i hear scratchin around the door. I pay it no mind thinkin' its just a stray after the rest of the pork pie so i goes back to sleep.
Next morning half the gnomes are dead in their houses. Someone had a right royal feast. FEAST OF BLOOD!
The crowd gasped dramaticly. (again)
So they turn to me as non resident visiting semi figure of divine authority. I pronounce it as the work of a vampire. Then i figures out the only reason we is still alive cause of the garlic bread we had for dinner. So I gather up all the gnomes left into our place. Musta been twenty of them gathered up into out house. All getting mightily friendly due to the cramped confines.
An I bless the place and put the plates that had the garlic bread outside the door.
Kept us safe for one night.
The next night it rained, cleaning the plates. Everyone was starting to get a little cranky. I know when you gotta go you gotta go, but when you go in a house with twenty gnomes they know that you went, you know?
So they start badgering me outta fear to go and kill it. I was barely outta my swadling rags! I couldna even kill a vampires cat if your goin' on power. An the only warrior we had was mud sausage Gil. An he had no legs!
So we barricade ourselves in another night. Were outta garlic. Plenty of turnips but no garlic. Early morning we hears scratchin' around the door and yell at it to bugger off. Instead of it buggering of we hears it talkin' it said Let me in you tasty little treats. Let me in and I'll only take one of you. I yells at it to bugger off and so do a few others but i see some are actually thinkin' about it.
So I bless the place again, and the vampire pisses off for a bit. Then hes back all sneaky like. He stuck his arm right through the window which we boarded up and grabs gil by his hair. Just yanked him right out. Everyone started screamin like banshees.
I gets trampled as they all piss off to the other side of the house.
I gets da and pa to help me put the table up against the window. Next mornin we finds gil. Hes kinds dry. Dry as in NO BLOOD!
So I sees we got ourselves a real problem. This vampire he aint fussy seein' how leathery gil was so we is all in the shit. So I gots to thinkin' if the cloakshadow wer me what the frig would he do?
So i spends the mornin' by myself just thinkin about it. By lunchtime I gots the answer. Its all or nothin'. So I gather up the folk and lay out my plan. We gets to work.
That night the vampires back but we is ready for him. All got ourselves some stakes and even a few silver spoons that been sharpened for gouging eyeballs and such.
Again he speaks Let me in little morsels.
So I says Allright then.
He doesnt say anything for a bit, i think he was a bit surprised. So I goes on, come in the doors not locked. So i sees the knob turn. And the door opens slowly and this half elf vampire comes in the doorway. And hes got blood all over his old jacket and such but THAT DONT MATTER!
Cause then the bucket of holy water above the door falls on him and I screams at him HOLY WATER FOOL!
And he starts screamin' like hes melting but he aint cause it aint holy water cause Whizzer never taught me how to make holy water an' I really wish he did cause then i might not be dead. So hes screamin and we swarm him, and i mean swarm him.
We jumped all over him like those little dogs i saw in the town once, all yappin an such. We stab him where ever we can reach. In the legs and crotch mostly. Then da and pa runs behind him and ma hifs her fryin pan catchin him in the face. It bounces off but he falls over backwards since pa and da are behind his legs.
Then we really go trollshit on his ass. We just goes mental till hes holy like. As in FULL OF HOLES!
He stopped movin a long time ago but we cut of his head just in case. Pa said maybe we should drink his blood just to see what the fuss is about but ma smacks him upside the head an he stops talkin' about it.
So we hif his head into Mudfoot and bury his trunk at the crossroads and gets on with our lives. An' I was the hero an' then I went to go back to tell Gribble, an' then as I was walkin' down the road I CAUGHT A CHILL AND DIED!
Now I says we go back an' find that dish that guy took and see what happens next to that chained up lady an' man cause it looks interesting and cause im dead an' I never got a last request, an' i got no more reasons.
The crowd turns to Dobari who just spreads his hands and shrugs his shoulders.
So there was this wee gnome town you see, right on the edges of the great marsh, which we liked to call mudfoot, cause the mud stuck to your foot right? Course the kids liked to call it mud shin, and ol Gil he liked to call it mud sausage, cause he had no legs after the troll incident. Har, funny guy that ol' Gil. Til the VAMPIRE DRANK HIS BLOOD!
The crowd gasped dramaticly.
So this is the story of the village and the vampire.
Now you all know me allready as Gribble Whizzer. Well my gnomish name is actually a lot longer. I wont make you memorise it on accounts of you cant. I was born in the village and i died in the village. Course i did leave the village inbetween studying under Porridge. Porridge bless his soul was the most devout gnome i ever met. Course devout when your talking about the cloakshadow doesnt mean serious.
Practical jokes out the jaxxy let me tell you. No really.
Sooo... moving along i was back home in the village visiting ma and pa and da. Ma being a little you know... friendly when she was younger, pa and da being best friends worked out well in the end, one ma, two fathers. Apart from us there was probably only a dozen other families in the town. Maybe fifty gnomes in total. I mean no one really wants to live next to Mudfoot, we just kinda did.
So I just got back from my studies. Snuck in through the window to try and suprise ma and pa and da. N' I did. In bed. Shoulda known enough o knock first.
After they made themselves presentable an' we all had a good laugh we got down to the serious business of eatin' and drinkin' in celebration of my visit.
Pork pie, turnip soup, swede stew, and heaped helpins of garlic bread. Then we went to sleep. Early mornin' i hear scratchin around the door. I pay it no mind thinkin' its just a stray after the rest of the pork pie so i goes back to sleep.
Next morning half the gnomes are dead in their houses. Someone had a right royal feast. FEAST OF BLOOD!
The crowd gasped dramaticly. (again)
So they turn to me as non resident visiting semi figure of divine authority. I pronounce it as the work of a vampire. Then i figures out the only reason we is still alive cause of the garlic bread we had for dinner. So I gather up all the gnomes left into our place. Musta been twenty of them gathered up into out house. All getting mightily friendly due to the cramped confines.
An I bless the place and put the plates that had the garlic bread outside the door.
Kept us safe for one night.
The next night it rained, cleaning the plates. Everyone was starting to get a little cranky. I know when you gotta go you gotta go, but when you go in a house with twenty gnomes they know that you went, you know?
So they start badgering me outta fear to go and kill it. I was barely outta my swadling rags! I couldna even kill a vampires cat if your goin' on power. An the only warrior we had was mud sausage Gil. An he had no legs!
So we barricade ourselves in another night. Were outta garlic. Plenty of turnips but no garlic. Early morning we hears scratchin' around the door and yell at it to bugger off. Instead of it buggering of we hears it talkin' it said Let me in you tasty little treats. Let me in and I'll only take one of you. I yells at it to bugger off and so do a few others but i see some are actually thinkin' about it.
So I bless the place again, and the vampire pisses off for a bit. Then hes back all sneaky like. He stuck his arm right through the window which we boarded up and grabs gil by his hair. Just yanked him right out. Everyone started screamin like banshees.
I gets trampled as they all piss off to the other side of the house.
I gets da and pa to help me put the table up against the window. Next mornin we finds gil. Hes kinds dry. Dry as in NO BLOOD!
So I sees we got ourselves a real problem. This vampire he aint fussy seein' how leathery gil was so we is all in the shit. So I gots to thinkin' if the cloakshadow wer me what the frig would he do?
So i spends the mornin' by myself just thinkin about it. By lunchtime I gots the answer. Its all or nothin'. So I gather up the folk and lay out my plan. We gets to work.
That night the vampires back but we is ready for him. All got ourselves some stakes and even a few silver spoons that been sharpened for gouging eyeballs and such.
Again he speaks Let me in little morsels.
So I says Allright then.
He doesnt say anything for a bit, i think he was a bit surprised. So I goes on, come in the doors not locked. So i sees the knob turn. And the door opens slowly and this half elf vampire comes in the doorway. And hes got blood all over his old jacket and such but THAT DONT MATTER!
Cause then the bucket of holy water above the door falls on him and I screams at him HOLY WATER FOOL!
And he starts screamin' like hes melting but he aint cause it aint holy water cause Whizzer never taught me how to make holy water an' I really wish he did cause then i might not be dead. So hes screamin and we swarm him, and i mean swarm him.
We jumped all over him like those little dogs i saw in the town once, all yappin an such. We stab him where ever we can reach. In the legs and crotch mostly. Then da and pa runs behind him and ma hifs her fryin pan catchin him in the face. It bounces off but he falls over backwards since pa and da are behind his legs.
Then we really go trollshit on his ass. We just goes mental till hes holy like. As in FULL OF HOLES!
He stopped movin a long time ago but we cut of his head just in case. Pa said maybe we should drink his blood just to see what the fuss is about but ma smacks him upside the head an he stops talkin' about it.
So we hif his head into Mudfoot and bury his trunk at the crossroads and gets on with our lives. An' I was the hero an' then I went to go back to tell Gribble, an' then as I was walkin' down the road I CAUGHT A CHILL AND DIED!
Now I says we go back an' find that dish that guy took and see what happens next to that chained up lady an' man cause it looks interesting and cause im dead an' I never got a last request, an' i got no more reasons.
The crowd turns to Dobari who just spreads his hands and shrugs his shoulders.
Last edited by Rumple C on Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
12.August.2015: Never forget.
Wait! proclaimed a large eared gnome.
What? replied dobari with a puzzled look on his face.
I hear something coming from the plate... a buzzing maybe, turn it up!
Dobari shook the plate a bit until the volume intensified from a buzzing into a hum, into a chant. A single word was being repeated from somewhere far away. A word that stirred the heart of dobari and the other dead heroic ones (anti or otherwise).
rumple, rumple, rumple, rumple (and so on and so forth)
Whats a rumple asked the long eared gonme?
Im not sure replied Dobari, but i want one!
What? replied dobari with a puzzled look on his face.
I hear something coming from the plate... a buzzing maybe, turn it up!
Dobari shook the plate a bit until the volume intensified from a buzzing into a hum, into a chant. A single word was being repeated from somewhere far away. A word that stirred the heart of dobari and the other dead heroic ones (anti or otherwise).
rumple, rumple, rumple, rumple (and so on and so forth)
Whats a rumple asked the long eared gonme?
Im not sure replied Dobari, but i want one!
12.August.2015: Never forget.