Novel Chapter (Adult Concepts)

[Wynna]

[Removed for copyright. Thanks for the review period.]

[AcadiusLost]

I missed the prologue of the original, so I came into this read blind to the history and setting- but I found it quite gripping. To me, the combination of pace and urgency, along with the extended "frozen moment" descriptions (which had a quite poetic nature), and the names/places/terminology used quickly in passing worked like a challenge to read on, to work out the backstory as it moved along.

At a few points the extended sentence structure led to more specific confusion as to what was going on, rather than the more compelling generalized confusion about the backstory, motivations, etc- mostly I noticed this in a few of the combat sequences. At times the Manaen-accented quotes took a second reading to follow, but Ryan's accent is described as being thick, so it wasn't out of place.

The main character is intriguing, coming into the story without knowing the setting or her history- she seems in many ways vulnerable, and powerless in the face of the unfolding events- but then in another moment seems possessed of a far greater knowledge and perhaps power. When we see her tap into that reserve of ability, we see it have little effect (in the context of this chapter at least). She defies categorization, and in so doing whets the appetite for explanation. Her moments of memory, mention of names from the past (most dead, presumably in the prior book) are interesting as well- clearly their memories elicit strong feelings in her, but from the flashes we don't know if they were friends, lovers, enemies, or some combination of them.

There is one mention of Vaasa or Vaasans - not sure if this is a cooincidental naming commonality with the FR region or a leftover from a setting transplant out of the FR.

The number of apparent twists in the cause or meaning of the altercation described here begins to become taxing for me toward the end, perhaps because I'm still trying to get my footing with the setting conceptually- has a bit of the character of a murder mystery that takes just one or two plot twists too many on it's way to the final revelation- though perhaps that is in part due to the main character's sense of certainty through the middle of the chapter.

I didn't apply my editor's eye to my reading of the chapter, kind of read it on a more passive level, letting it sink in- I think the poetic style it opens with lends itself well to that. In so doing, I found it carried me along well despite unfamiliarity with the backstory. I'm not sure it would be as immursive for a more distanced or critical reader, it's hard to say for sure. I found similar elements to Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series in the setting at a few moments, though it may well have been cooincidental as well (the Triads, some aspects of Kat's chatacter).

Is the first book published, or otherwise available in some form?

[dergon darkhelm]

Wynna, will you marry me?



((preferrably with no pre-nup and before you sign the 7 figure publishing deal))

That is excellent! I have no "editor's eye" and no critical review skills.....but I can say that I'd pay money to read that.