Eurogamer Expo 2013

[JonnyJerny]

I hate video games. So what better way to burden and agonize over my self inflicted misery, than a video game convention?

The Eurogamer Expo, to be exact.

The wait had been long, the journey arduous, and the living conditions were slightly above that of Soviet Germany. But I finally made it.

What is a gaming convention?

It's a place where idiots and introverts alike, congregate to pay for the privilege to have video game advertisements thrusted into their faces. Targeting nerds like this guy, Or THIS FUCKING WEABOO.

As I found myself surrounded by casuals and cosplayers, I started asking myself why I traveled all this way to see this in the first place. Then, it dawned on me. An entire event, dedicated to disgusting display of hedonistic consumerist capitalism. I needn't worry, though. I'm sure the collapse of western society will come in the near future.

I suppose the only activity more potent for proving your life to be a sad, empty, and meaningless one, than the act of playing a video game, is standing in line in hours to play a video game.

I couldn't wait to play Dark Souls II. Just by looking at the eager crowd, I could tell that the fanbase for Dark Souls was filled with only the hardest of the hardcore players, such as myself.

I spent the next hour and a half in line, desperately trying to spot people wearing INTERNET CULTURE SHIRTS ( LOL TROLLFACE XD SO FUNNY)

Finally, I was able to play Dark Souls II. I beat it after a few times, thus proving my warning about the game pandering to casuals is absolutely correct. There was one guy who kept wiping, and couldn't beat it. I couldn't help to point at him, cackling, calling him a "gaylord", and "casual".


LOL SO FUNNY SHOW BAZINGA BAZOOPLE

Having now played Dark Souls II, I've completely exhausted any reason for even being here. What I then needed, was some refreshment that didn't cost me an arm and a leg. DRINKS BY GAMERS, FOR GAMERS.



I ALSO ACCEPT MONSTER, RED BULL'S FOR FUCKING PUSSIES.

After I got some snacks from a varying range of vegetables, I headed out for a night into town.



LONDON, LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS!

As I stood in silence in that swanky bar, I had the inescapable thought that I wished I was anywhere, but here. Why is Brit electropop so bad.

Oh, look! People actually playing video games!... Oh, no wait. It's Minecraft, never mind.

I looked to the main stage, and I thought, "Hmm, I wonder when a SkullGirls, Street Fighter, hell, even Starcraft tournament will happen in Eurogamer!"

Ah, but it's okay. Competitive Minecraft was an apt substitute. why is this a thing.

There are actually people that travel all the way to gaming conventions, only to play World of Tanks and Minecraft. Just let that sink in for a bit.

After drudging through the masses of uncultured swine, I finally arrived in the place where I belonged.

I don't understand why people even bother coming here.

Hey look. Finally, good games.

This is the part where I mention The Elder Scrolls Online, but Eurogamer told me I wasn't allowed to discuss the details.

So, remember that one time in Skyrim, where you did a quest to kill a Dragur?

Yeah, it's that. But you do it again. And again. And again.

Well, that was my experience to Eurogamer. Video games are over.

I had an incredible time standing around not playing video games, while waiting to play video games. I highly recommend going to any video game convention near you to experience this.

[Galadorn]

LOL! These guys ALL look like a group of cats i'd love to shoot the shit with man. Don't lie, you had a blast.


Playing RPGs for 35 years (over 50 titles easily, if not more, that's a modest guess), ....painting armies of Orkz and Tomb Kings for table-top Warhammer Fantasy Battles hours on end so they look REAL, ....spending THOUSANDS of earned/stolen/loaned money to buy hundreds of Magic The Gathering and or Pokemon TCG booster packs for years on end, and not being able to leave the shop I bought them in without immediately opening them, and loving that a half dozen pimple faced weirdos are watching in glee to see if I got any rare cards they are missing from THEIR huge collections, and then spending hours trading them, ....spending dozens (literally) of hours, fashioning a PERFECT William Wallace halloween costume from scratch for hundreds of dollars over a week when I was 22 to wear to the bars halloween night, ....playing World Of Warcraft for 9 years every morning before work each day, .....and millions of hours playing ALFA.....
...........is me.
GAMES FOR LIFE JERN.
You are assimilated.
I'd say: "Get in line..."... but alas, you already did!
sigh

[JonnyJerny]

Yes I am in fact a self depreciating nerd who hates himself vigorously whilst commissioning hentai for my D&D characters because I can.

I actually enjoy video games lately, its really weird.

Conventions are still mind boggling, though.

[Swift]

Conventions are great fun if you go to the right ones and go in with the right attitude. Unfortunately for gaming, the vast majority of conventions and expos that get held are considered industry events. They are primarily for people in the industry to connect, shoe off what they are doing, land a publishing deal or get some hype in the media. Many do let regular people go, but the focus is never on them and what they might want.

I highly recommend going to a PAX if you can. I went to PAX Oz in July and had a blast as it was entirely designed for gamers, rather than industry professionals (though they had space there too). Best atmosphere I have seen for a convention too.

[maxcell]

Couldn't everyone in that picture have had the name "erecto" in front of them?

[JonnyJerny]

I just don't get them, I dunno. My girlfriend earlier this year was so psyched about Comic Con even though she's way less of a "nerd" than I am, whatever that fucking means. Hell, since I live in San Diego, all my friends always drag me with them to Comic Con and it's always the same thing. A bunch of smelly nerds walking around being autistic. IF YOU'RE AUTISTIC I DON'T MEAN THAT LITERALLY I DON'T HATE AUTISTIC PEOPLE.

Maybe video game conventions are vastly different than Comic Con, though.

I mean I guess it's cool to be a nerd now, which is fine. And maybe I take pride in my self-image too much to associate myself with "erecto" and "mouth_breather". Whatever.