FWIW

[Nalo Jade]

On my part I think I owe an explination and apology to the masses.

Posting Danubus's PMs set a precedent that I am willing to pass on PMs and I know that is a bell that cannot be "un rung"(sp) I didn't think it was a good thing to do, but in the long run maybe it was. I would rather not get inflamitory PMs, does anybody really want them?

Before the other day, everything from my perspective was going fine.

My video card was in the mail.

I was working with Chamu on conversations for NC and possibly all other NWN1 servers.

When the moderation policy thread happened I chimed in a couple times, still no back lash.

Rick somehow got on the topic of static quests, I started a new thread for the static quest talk and asked people to move the talk there expecting it to be moved by the moderators...

We moved the conversation ... still no back lash.

I started to feel comfortable. I thought posting the V for Vendetta thing would spawn a comical conversation. When swift posted I realized that it wasn't going to be taken as fun...So I tried to go back to what was working for me which was just talking about the game and working.

Thinking about the server I want to build for ALFA, I wanted to put together a "frame work" to try and maximize the amount of static content in that module. I looked for information regarding that, and since Rick had such a hard time ... I assumed there wasn't "clear cut" guidelines. My plan was to have a module that maybe was known for really low gold/exp awards but on the converse a LOT of things to do, so keeping busy and having fun dialogue to read would out weigh the lower rewards.

So I posted 2 threads that I wanted turned into polls to give me an idea of where the community sat. I didn't want to build the next Power Gaming server nor a Campaign Server...something in between... I wanted a "feel" for what the community thought was a good balance.

this is when coupled with the V for Vendetta thing that things blew up.

Everyone that posted in the threads did so in such a negative, insulting, hostile way ... except Magile, that I was just thrown off guard. I was just asking for information. I didn't insult anyone's momma.

Then Danubus posted in the new players introductions where I was offering help. WTF?!

We had our exhange of PM's and then I got to the point of thinking if I can't post simple questions without getting hammered... what is the point of sticking around.

I am not asking for people to like me. I just want to be left alone so I can ask my questions, post my ideas...and yes try and "sell" them... without getting hammered.

If you don't like my idea and are afraid it may get implemented then post your points. I have changed my mind on the boards before... I don't know everything, thats why I ask questions. If you don't like the idea but can't think of an intelligent reason then post "I'm not for that." but there is no reason to be rude.

If you know it has been discussed before, post a link.

I know swift tried... and that is part of the problem with those threads... if any of the links had worked ... I would have used them.

Anyway ... FWIW that is my perspective. I still want to know if I am beating my head against a wall. My personality right now is not going to change.

My personality [edit correction: 4 years, time flys I guess] 2 years ago is VASTLY different than now. I was a complete drunk depressed because [Self removed, too personal, felt weird putting it out there] I was looking for an adventuring party to play once a week with to blow off some steam ... and the very first interaction I got was from ...

Amar said it was a dumb idea to limit people's playing times to once a week. I figured Amar didn't understand a regular PnP game, so I asked him not to post unless they were interested. thats when the spamming from Vendrin and others started.... what I saw as a chance to get together a party and play once a week was being shattered for no other reason than for these folks to feel good about themselves slamming me.



I am not trying to give you a sob story... just trying to put into perspective the difference between then and now.

Now I am happily married to my soulmate. I am logically question my compatibility with the people here.

If we cannot get along, it makes mathematical sense that the community should lose one member and not 6 our however many NJ-haters there are.

Take a second to put yourself in my position. If almost everytime you posted someone posted NO or STFU or whatever wouldn't you get tired of it.

Its much easier to ignore the posts and let them fade away. You don't even "have" to read them.

I put myself in your shoes as well. I can see that I come off as a know it all, I'm not. I will change my sig to remind you that I am aware that I do not no everything. Other than telling you I don't know how else to get that changed. I have been trying to review my posts so they don't sound arrogant, I just don't see it.

Anyway. I was asking for you to post Leave or Stay. I didn't need a pat on the back, I just needed to know what kinda numbers are out there. I have been told repeatedly by a few that EVERYONE hates you. Okay cool. I am not going to fight with EVERYONE. But if they are just the vocal minority then I will just deal with it. Please don't let this get all heated, keep your cool.

No reason to talk about therapy or self esteem. This gaming community has no effect on my personal happiness one way or the other. two years ago it could have been a helpful outlet instead of what it turned into...but I am letting that go, none of you knew what was going on in my personal life. I just needed to know if it is worth working with you folks.

I don't want to be the center of attention, I just want to be able to post questions about the game. I cannot possibly know everything that has been decided in these forums. I would MUCH rather not feel obligated to defend myself all the damn time or be told consistently that I am the topic of discussion.

Dialogue about how I can change to be a better fit...is unfortunatley not a realistic option, I know that I am as level-headed as I will ever be short of a trip to tibet to become enlighted or something. I am however and hoping that this will give some of you insight into who I am, it is also the reason I changed my avatar to a real picture of me. Yes I am saying I am not going to change but I would like you to change your perspective of me. I would be happy to change my perspective of you as well.

If you read all that thanks.

[Dorn]

People dont 'hate' you nalo. People say they are just frustrated with some of your ideas and probably carrying baggage from a while ago still so will given new ones only half a thought or take what you say teh wrong way. It's human nature withoutthe option of quick conversation face to face.
That or you've seriously pissed them off and effected their gaming fun in a way im not sure about. Maybe they are justified *shrugs* I dunno enough about it.

I'm not one of those people btw. And i think if you look at who posts negatively in your threads and compared those people to the whole number of active members (not 'forum members' but playing/DMing/staffing members) it would probably be fairly small.

I'm not passing any judgement on your threads or ideas as i haven't read them. But if someone is truly telling you that 'everybody hates you' then i think they are being a total and utter bloody child as there are better more mature ways of talking with people about disagreements.

Glad your life is better now.

[zicada]

You need to get on IRC and actually talk to people, instead of this forum BS.

[Nalo Jade]

Zic, I have popped onto IRC a couple times, generally from what I saw everyone is just "chatting" about current events, the game they are playing or what have you. I guess I am just not interested in that stuff...its nothing personal, I am logging into NC IRC to talk with Chamu about a project we are working on. If a server goes down I log in ...

I understand how you think that would help, and maybe I will give it a shot...but generally I just want to "work" on stuff, that may be boring, but I don't see me spending hours in a chat room, but I will give it a chance...thanks for the advice.

[Lusipher]

Then Danubus posted in the new players introductions where I was offering help. WTF?!

Nalo, I work in PR and in Admissions for the OAS2. When I posted that I meant it we have it covered helping new people. In all honesty I also posted that because I personally dont feel you are the best person for a new player to talk to in regards to how to "insert something here" in ALFA. Also a part of me thought you were doing as you always try to do and work around those who are doing the job. After you were taken off PR you still said you would help with NWC and we didnt want you involved in it. So, to me, it seemed like you werent listening or just causing problems.

As I stated and did so bluntly....You dont know when to stop. A lot of people including myself would respect you if you had the common sense to know when to stop posting. You bring a lot of ideas to the table and there is nothing wrong with that. Discussion is good to have, but I think many folks including myself have seen you bring up a topic again and again after people have given you the opinions you were looking for, but many feel it wasnt the opinions you wanted so you bring it up again. Understand what im saying? I think thats what gets on folks nerves. Its not that you want to help its that you just dont understand when your pushing things.

I took you off PR because I didnt think you were a good fit for the PR team. Everyone on the PR team got along pretty well, but you were this "lone wolf" kinda player and I didnt think it would work out well. My own feelings toward you went into making my decision, IMO. I would have no issues with you if you didnt cause so many issues on the forums. I have read a number of your posts and I cringe when I read them because I know people are getting angry or /facepalming when they see them. I couldn't have that of a PR member.

People dont hate you. I dont even hate you. I just want you to stop bucking the system. Get yourself squared away with whatever computer issues you have. People have said you are a lot of talk with no action. Well, show them your not. Thats my biggest gripe with you. I was the same way. I hated the way ALFA was run by some past Admin, but I came back and wanted to make a dent myself this time. So, Im trying. Not always successfully and I still irk people off, but Im trying. I think when you show that your trying people will respect you more.

It was wrong for me to come after you so hard in my PM. I could have said it a lot better than I did. I was frustrated and severely tired of dealing with you. I'm indian and irish so I have a temper. You have always had a combative way of posting. I just had had enough of it.

Jayde told me to put up or shut up. I ask you to do the same. No one hates you. We just want you to talk less and contribute more.

And Moderators: Id appreciate you leaving this alone. This is going to be my only comment in this thread. I wasnt being an ass I was being honest and I think hes big enough to hear it.

[Nalo Jade]

I agree with Dan and see no reason to alter the post. Thanks for your input Dan. I appreciate the acknowledgement about the PM and I do regret posting it, but that is done with.

I am still not convinced that I push things too much. The one thing anyone has sited is the password thing, I knew it had been talked about 2 years ago and yes I brought it up again...

my thought process went like this..

Everyone said ... NO without any comment as to why. So I responded once or twice in the thread and let it drop.

I thought well if they don't want to do it can I do it on my own server... I asked and got discussion which changed my mind...I agreed that we shouldn't remove the password from a live server. Hialmar suggested doing it to the beta servers, which I thought was a good idea, and I agreed with the poster who said we shouldn't "display" a broken module, so we came to a compromise of suggesting opening up beta servers when they are near complete ...

I thought that was a very cool path we took to get there...

Please elaborate on other things I have been "pushy" about?

The EXP / Gold limits on statics was intended to just be gathering of information...

The discussion about statics was actually started by Rick in the moderation policy announcement, thats why I created it, and I was extremely interested in that topic since I am working on the "frame" of a new server.

I have not been all talk and no action, I was taken off the NWConnections liason position by you.

I have been working with Chamu on a conversation system...he is working out the details of the system but I am learning as we go, and I am writting the bulk of the dialogue.

I have posted "free content" in the Admin/DM forum and offered to toolset it once I get my video card, which I got yesterday. I will not be able to do NWN2 any time soon as the "super computer" fell through.

I want to be an assistant DM on everyserver to help out as a guest.

I have offered my assistance in a lot of areas, when I do I am either ignored or told not to help...that does not equate to what you are claiming...imo.

[HATEFACE]

maybe the peoples in charge to ought to talk about what they need help with.

[Nalo Jade]

I am open to that.

On a side note, the hat thing...

I honestly have read a few of your posts Helios, and I couldn't tell "what you were about"...

So I looked up the hat thing, because I didn't want to be the butt of some internets joke I didn't understand...

I assume from your other post it wasn't meant that way, and I will happily wear a hat. Can you hook me up with a white Marine Corps hat or a Packers hat for my old avatar ?

Sorry I was being defensive.

[HATEFACE]

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT LOOK UP /B/.

No problem man. I was a stranger to the internets myself so I can understand the confusion and that's sort of part of the problem. The internet some times has, no joke, or purpose, sometimes it just sort of happens. . . spontaniously. Its hard to adapt to internet behavior that when you view it from an outside perspective wouldn't crack a grin in normal social circles. Don't get me wrong, that's a good thing! Look what happens when /b/ gets a hold of people. . . or don't. Trust me, the internet can /b/e sometimes a scary dark place, the sort of brackish goo you would immediatly scrap of your boot when you take notice but it can also be an awesome place where random awesome stuff happens with a light hearted friendly intent.

I lost your original avatar. You'll have to post it again if that's alright. I'll do both marine and packers.