The Daily Trumpet

[Electryc]

Warrens Exposé - "The Pit of Perversion"


Years ago, when it was revealed that there was a hidden gang of gnomes lurking beneath the city in a dank gutter they call "The Warrens", completely out of reach of any laws and standards that make Waterdeep "The City of Splendors", many of our fellow citizens were extremely concerned. Well, thanks once again to the expert investigative skills of the Sword Coast's most dependable news source, The Daily Trumpet has now confirmed that those concerns were not at all unfounded.    

Sources have revealed that this shady underground hideout for the most deplorable smallfolk in all of Waterdeep is in fact a den of sin and depravity of the worst kind. Under the half-hearted guise of an ordinary leather shop the halfling named Ruby Dee, a known sexual deviant and heavyset harlot, is running a clandestine operation of unimaginable horror. The plus-sized plunderer of all things decent lures the city's elite down to her den of degradation and forces them to perform the most humiliating and heinous acts while she laughs and tortures them. Respected nobles and wealthy businessmen have lost fortunes after repeatedly being charmed into the clutches of this voluminous villain. Sometimes even several times in a day! There is no limit to the moral vacancy of this corpulent concubine.

Naturally, when stories of sexual misconduct come to surface, Waterdeep's infamous sordid sorceress can't be too far away. Not surprisingly, this "leather shop" has revealed itself to be another shell business Keryn Tel'jorn of the Lhuvenhead Trading Company. Apparently her own private orgies were not enough, and now she's sunk her greedy opportunistic claws into turning a few  dragons by humiliating the City's finest citizens. Reports have also confirmed that the squabby strumpet, Ruby Dee, is also close friends with the LTC's own sticky-fingered thug, Caliope.
     
City officials, patriarchs of noble houses, and merchant guild officers have all been contacting Ruby to share their outrage via her "Discreet Appointments Contact". Hopefully they can soon put an end to this depravity.

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society. 

[Electryc]

Corruption at Castle Waterdeep!


Reliable sources tell us that the City of Waterdeep is nearing financial ruin with the treasury drained by recent renovations to the castle and summer house of Paladinson as well as the masked lords. Tax money that was destined for the salaries of the good Watch and Guard has been squandered on gaudy and ostentatious diamond encrusted gold chamber pots, imported Maztican hardwoods, Thayan carpets, and lavish feasts of rare imported delicacies gathered across Faerun. Even the support of orphanages throughout the city has been cut.

An inside source was present at a recent council of the Masked Lords. The lords were setting the table to address simmering tensions between Alathene and Vanarak Moonstar. Out of nowhere the processions were cut short when Paladinson cleared the chamber to have a carpet installed at the cost of over a hundred thousand gold dragons! This while our city employees are about to find that there is no gold to pay their salaries! Now A castle insider associated with the city treasury tells us that a new tax is being proposed on anyone without children under 12 years of age. When will this end?

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

MURDERER ON THE LOOSE!!!






We at the Trumpet last eve have learned that "The Clown Shoe Slayer, dangerous and deadly Quasim Pebblespark has escaped from Saint Idalene's Gentle Repository. Mr. Pebblespark was inturned five years ago to Saint Idalene's after being found not fit to stand trial. The Trumpet still remembers the grisly murders that shocked the Warrens and Dock Ward. The convicted lunatic murdered two customers in his butcher shop on account they commented on the size of his grossly enormous feet, and his ugly new pair of shoes that covered it. The victims, Urivyn Tarnidasall & Yosmorn Wilddiggles were mutilated and their body parts were said to be made into next days sausage. A finger was found in a link, prompting a local cleric to get involved. The Clown Shoe Slayer was eventually captured by a band of volunteers led by a holy man named Garanar of Tyr. If you come in contact with Pebblespark assume he is armed and dangerous. Contact a local guardsman at once.

[Electryc]

BREAKING NEWS: Slaughter at the Spires!


* Righteous Brother Hronkil shown above.

FEAR THE CLERGY OF LATHANDER! Early last week HERESY at the spires of the morning came to a head when Righteous Brother Hronkil confronted HERESY within the church. Punches were thrown and before you can say “Up with the dawn!” it was “Down with the high priest!”. Numerous neophytes and innocent if mislead acolytes were KILLED BY BURNING RAYS OF SUNSHINE as Lathander made his displeasure known. In the end the HERETICS WON AND NOW RULE THE SPIRES. Brother Hronkil has fled outside the city with temple relics, keeping them safe from the heretics, and we can only await his return and the justice only he can bring. In the meantime, FEAR THE CLERGY OF LATHANDER AND KEEP OUT OF THE SUN!

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

Breaking news! DEAD BABIES USED AS SOLVENTS.



This intrepid reporter has uncovered the most heinous and EVIL CORRUPTION amongst Waterdeep's 'adventuring community', as the city's BELOVED INFANTS are GROUND UP and quaffed like cheap ale at a docks whorehouse!

One traumatised witness, a young mother named Rosaline, recently grieving the loss of her newborn daughter to goblin thieves in the night, had this to say between broken hearted sobs. "I saw them. Armoured menaces, weapons aglow and chanting dark magics. Guzzling down as many black potions as they could before they swarmed into the City of the Dead."

"Oh my sweet Flora, that could have been her!"

Rest assured beleaguered citizens of Waterdeep, this reporter will not rest until these nefarious interlopers are brought to COLD HARD JUSTICE!

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

Adventurers Guild under investigation AGAIN




Something stinks in the Adventurers Quarter, and it isn’t the stables. No, dear reader – it is the fetid stench of corruption, and it is firmly ensconced within the Adventurers Guild. Exclusive investigations shows that the Adventurers Guild is under investigation for ATTEMPTED MURDER via RITUAL SACRIFICE OF BABIES. Yes, you read that right. An anonymous tip lead the watch to find two babies restrained within the Adventurers Guild next to ceremonial daggers in the midst of a collection of maggoty severed heads. The wheels of justice are moving far too slowly on this one, dear readers. REMEMBER, this is not the first time the Adventurers Guild has been found to be dealing in body parts and dead children! THESE BABY KILLERS MUST BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

LAERAL SILVERHAND FOUND… IN THE ARMS OF OTHERS



Breaking news! Laeral Silverhand, wife of Khelben "Blackstaff" Arunsun has been found after going missing for several months. Marital troubles have long been rumoured, but now confirmed as the silver haired beauty has been spotted with not one but TWO members of the Grey Hand in what can only be politely described as a SAVAGE SANDWICH.

Brujo, the champion of Waterdeep and notorious womanizer can now ADD ANOTHER NOTCH TO HIS SWORD BELT after claiming that particular trophy, though so could his hammer-boy Aries who has joined in on this very PUBLIC DISPLAY OF CARNAL LUST. So… who is to blame for this breakdown in marital vows and PUBLIC HUMILIATION of the “Blackstaff”.

Has Laeral Silverhand let her true and WANTON HARLOT behaviour come to the fore while betraying her husband? Has she fallen to the SAVAGE SANDWICH CHARMS of Brujo and his "Hammer Boy" Aries? Has the “Blackstaff” allowed this to happen while he SCRIES FROM HIS TOWER WITH HIS ROBES LIFTED? Rest assured, dear reader, WE WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM of this, if you’ll excuse the phrase. Waterdeep demands to know who is responsible for this scandal, and we never fail to deliver.

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

Adventurers Guild : A Tale of Shoddy Construction, Degenerate Members, & Perversion!


Finally, we can report the RATS NEST that is the Adventurers Guild has been 'repaired'. The repeated CITY FINES and THREATS OF SHUTDOWN have finally opened the notoriously tight purse strings of the Adventure's Guild to pay for undocumented SCAB LABOUR to rebuild the damage done during their DISGUSTING FIRE & SEX ORGIES. Unlike the high-class escapades hosted by the Lhuevenhead Trading Company the involvement of ORCS OGRES AND TROLLS in the SEX ORGY caused structural, and fire damage because we all know what happens when you RUB TWO STICKS TOGETHER.


The NEW LEADER of the Adventurers Guild documented hussy WREN BLUEFEATHER has started harboring a new breed of DANGEROUS CRIMINALS in the rebuilt building. She’s been seen in the company of her Half-Wit, Half- ORC BODYGUARD, Madog and the FOULEST SMELLING DWARF IN EXISTENCE Kharak Ax-Dipshit who is notorious for RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS WITH DWEOMERVORE CHASING HIM. Is it too early to remind folks that HANGED MURDERER of the weak and defenseless SELU THE SLAUGHTERER also called the Adventurers Guild his home? The remaining list of living members was not documented before I was forced to leave upon threats of this reporters life. Reader do your best. Steer your impressionable children from this vortex of villainy.



My opinion? Perhaps things would have been easier had the whole place just burned to the ground? The city would probably be safer, let us hope that the city is keeping a close eye on these dangerous deviants!

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

MALARITE MARSH GATE MASSACRE!





Faithful readers of the Trumpet BEWARE! This intrepid reporter regrets to reveal the grisly TRUTH of recent events that the City Watch won't dare tell you. Only two days ago, on the second day of the first tenday of Kythorn, MALARITES INVADED through the city's poorly defended western gate and SLAUGHTERED men, women, and INNOCENT CHILDREN of the Sea Ward in their droves!

A reputable eye-witness, themselves nearly a victim of this CRUEL ASSAULT, informed us that a rampaging RED HAIRED HALF-BLOODED ORC WITCH was seen charging through the open and abandoned gates, which for years your diligent Trumpet staff have warned on the dangers of, leading a horde of SCALY, BLOODTHIRSTY, LIZARDFOLK and their servile giant crocodiles! Unsuspecting pedestrians were cut down and torn to SHREDS by the ravenous beasts; their Malarite witch leader screaming shrill obscene delights amidst the frenzy and cavorting with the snapping monstrosities as though they were her beloved pets!

Readers, we are told that after the mindless rage of the Beastlord was sated, the vile witch and her loathesome entourage, which this reporter is told included a human male of small stature wearing black, pitilessly rifled through the defiled cadaver's pockets with no care of dency, claiming their treasured family heirlooms and hard-earned dragons for their DARK RITUALS and fled the city like COWARDS!

Readers rest assured, I, Fiddlesbee Freemoth, will do my utmost to bring the TRUTH to you and hold both these reprehensible evil do'ers and the apathetic City Watch to account! The dead shall not be forgotten, not by us!

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

Trouble in Undercliff!


BUGS! Undercliff Under Attack!



Earlier this month reports have flooded in about random attacks upon the farmland located though out Undercliff.
The culprit has been determined to be foul insect like creatures called Ankhegs. These random attacks have been gaining frequency. Peasants, soldiers, and unwary travelers have fallen victim to this vermin infestation in an alarming manner, and continue to do so. Food and other commodity prices are sure to rise if this continues as Undercliff supplies Waterdeep with corn, grain, livestock and other agricultural resources for the city proper. The Lords Council has authorized Undercliff Village Militia Commander, Sidol Aep Clapp to dispense a reward for ankheg heads brought to him in exchange for gold coin and honor of serving the city in it's time of need.


The Story does not end here friends! I Fiddlesbee Freemoth have also learned that a few masked lords and mainly the infamous Mirt the Moneylender own quite amount of Undercliff farms. I asked Mirt on the record about Undercliff's dilemma, all he stated was "BUGS! If this keeps up we'll not only be fighting them in the streets, but eating them for mealtime!" I was then manhandled by one of his ham handed, ogre-like associates and drug out into the streets like a common vagrant upon further questioning. Do not fear reader I am fine and will continue to keep your best interests at heart.



*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

MERCHANT MASSACRE




A well loved and respected merchant named Eglo Dragoan was murdered by a raiding band of hobgoblins. The wholesaler was hauling a wagon full of fanciful expensive wines. The Lords of Waterdeep do implore those that seek justice, to make an example of these marauders. Although no reward is offered the parties involved in this operation may keep any recovered property. Eglo was last seen heading east towards the Unicorn in the Westwoods. The attack came from the north only leaving one survivor a small boy, the merchant's nephew.



*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

*page 4 of the Trumpet you spy an advertisement.*

HAT SALE CASTLE WARD DISTRICT




Even this bird brain knows to be socially accepted in the City of Wonders, one needs proper head attire.
Stop by Rebeleigh's Elegant Headwear to quench your thirst of being noticed and admired by your
peers.

[Electryc]

LET THEM EAT CAKE!



While the Masked Lords fail to address the farming CRISIS in Underhill, leaving desperate FAMILIES STARVING, at least one of the city’s institutions is giving people HOPE!

This reporter was on the scene as the Temple of Beauty’s clergy distributed cakes, pastries and sweet treats to famished Waterdhavians, asking for not even a single copper piece in payment!

Taking a short break from dishing out delicious strawberry tarts to delighted children, an impeccably dressed High Priestess Ssaeryl Shadowstar relayed that a shipment of flour was recently rescued from marauding hobgoblins in the Kryptgarden (a story first broken by the Trumpet) and baked by the temple kitchens into the aforementioned delicacies to be enjoyed by the hungry and downtrodden.

While some might say that such a shipment could have been better distributed to the city’s bakeries for longer lasting staples, this reporter is pleased to give the Sunite desserts four flaming hearts out of four!

*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.

[Electryc]

Once again this intrepid journalist reveals the CORRUPT INJUSTICES of the Magisters!



Hard working Waterdhavian citizens will remember the SALACIOUS SPREE of the larcenous 'HYPNODANCER', who terrorized the city's finest fest halls; from the Blushing Mermaid to the Dripping Dagger. This lawless looter pitilessly robbed revelers of their hard earned coppers with an unsightly but PERVERSELY MESMERISING DANCE, before sashaying shamelessly into the night never to be seen again...until now!

Dear readers, Fiddlesbee Fremoth your ever faithful civil servant can exclusively confirm that this UNSCRUPULOUS CRIMINAL was presented unfettered to the Magisters at the Castle not three nights past. And how did Waterdeeps 'esteemed' judges sentence the guilty culprit? With the typical soft handed LENIENCY that honest taxpayers have come to expect. Blind Tyr himself surely sheds a tear!

The Castle’s very own court records show that this AMORAL MENACE was sentenced to so called “hard labor” in none other than the lavish and opulent TEMPLE OF BEAUTY! Yes readers that is right – the SCANTILY CLAD MISCREANT is now practicing his prurient pirouettes, with the Masked Lord’s blessings, in Sune’s own hallowed halls!

As avid readers know, here at the Trumpet we report only cold hard facts and never unsubstantiated hearsay. We verify the TRUTH with our own impartial eyes...and what these beleaguered eyes have beheld would cause the most slatternly of Siren Street’s wenches to blush!

This diligent reporter visited the Firehair’s church himself to verify. Lo and behold, the offender freely wiggled and quivered his beguiling hips across the hallways - treated more akin to a celebrity than a convicted pervert! Both clergy and worshippers alike stood enthralled by the mustachioed man’s ANIMALISTIC AND VULGAR PELVIC GYRATIONS! As if his CRIMES were not gratuitous enough, now the very moral fiber of our city is in jeopardy.

But do not take my word for it reader; the Temple is open to all – go see this miscarriage of justice for yourself, if you can suffer such a DEGRADING EXPERIENCE!*

*[Editor’s note: The Trumpet is not liable for any offence, misdeeds, or undesirable impulses aroused in witnesses of the man known as the “Hypnodancer”.*Fiddlesbee Freemoth is a veteran reporter for the Trumpet, a five time winner of the "Beacon of Truth" award. He enjoys spending time with his friends and helping out at animal shelters when not putting his life in danger alerting Waterdeep of corrupt organizations and other injustices ingrained in Waterdeep society.]

[ayergo]

Maiden Made Massacre - Courtesan Caley Causes Cut in Customers

Some music it seems can wake even the dead! The Bard Caley was performing at the Dripping Dagger and tempted (summoned?!?!) a vampire into the establishment. As is well known, a vampire cannot enter a building unless invited in. While it is unknown if the song itself was designed to bring in the undead destruction, what is clear is there were several casualties of prominent music scene fans.

The Dripping Dagger is already anticipating losses and Filare was quoted as saying he will bring Caley before the magister for damages and offers a substantial reward from his personal collection for bringing her to justice.