Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

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Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Ferndrop Hunnysuckle, Lowhill
c/o Postmaster Corwell Town

From: Thistletop Hunnysuckle / Waterdeep

Sis,

i hope yew can fined someones to reed this to yew and i hope thay ken reed my chiken marks too i doin prety good here in tha deep now but not so good a start got my purse taken from me on tha first day was glad i kep most of my koins in my shirt thin is im prety sur it was kin that took my purse if yew ken beleev it seems lik city hin ave ben aroun tall folk so long they treat kin like strangers not all of them do that but some do fur sur but im cairful now got a job cleanin chimnees like lots o us hins do sense we ken fit in the ones in tha tall folks homes pays fair an i will be sendin coin ome soon so let ma and da know that i ope you an them r good too but yew bes be wathin fer tha rascal Roberc hes hansom and has an eye on yew but i don trust im an ma an pa don eether

luv

Thistletop
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Pestin Morsbaad / Corwell Town

From: Lars Ubarleister / Caer Callidyrr

Sir,

Your order of one hand crafted armoire is progressing nicely, but there has been a slight delay. The adamantine lock that you requested be sub-contracted out has not been delivered yet. I have contacted the locksmith and he assures me that it will be ready by the end of the next ten day. If he has followed the specifications given him then the installation of the lock in the armoire will take a day. If he has not then there will, unfortunately be further delay.

Do not be alarmed, sir. The locksmith has assured me that the lock will be of the highest quality and fit perfectly. While I have never worked with him before, he has an impeccable reputation, being known as a master of the craft whose only fault is said to be that he expects too much from his apprentices. Which certainly bodes well for the quality of the lock when it is delivered.

Yours,

Lars Ubarleister
Proprietor, Ubarleister and Sons Fine Furnishings
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Luandiego Freunlach/ Corwell Town

From: Priscilietta Freunlach / The Lady’s College, Silverymoon, The Silver Marches

Dear Daddy,

Oh, the Gem is wonderful! So elegant. So full of the most glamorous people. All of the tales we have heard are true. There are dance halls and fine dining. I am having the best time. Several young men have come calling already. They are so polite and worldly, unlike the bumpkins back home.

But the yearly allowance you gave me has only lasted me a month. Being seen with the right people in the right places is important to maintain my standing in society. It is already difficult since it is common knowledge where I come from. Please send more gold. I have already borrowed some from a nice man named Guido and I think he may be getting impatient.

Do give my best to Mummy. Best not tell her that I had to buy a whole new wardrobe since the dresses she bought for me were so provincial! Nobody with any culture wears a high neckline any more. Decolletage is a must! You don’t want me to end up a spinster, do you?

Love and kisses,

Prissy
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Friedrich Aspeth / Corwell Town

From: Truesdale Robespierre / Baldur’s Gate

Truesdale, old friend, how have you been? It has been too long since I have written, but it has ever been the same over the years. You are the thoughtful one that holds this friendship together while I go unheard from months or on that one occasion, years. Fortunately this time I cannot blame marauding orcs for my tardiness in replying, but rather happier tidings.

I am engaged to be married! Yes, after years of ribbing you for settling down on a farm to raise a family all those years ago, I am finally admitting that you chose the wiser path. While I have gathered and lost enough wealth over the years to have purchased your farm ten or more times over, you have something that I could never buy. Nor could I win it at sword point. You have the love of a good woman and your children and by now a grandchild based on the tidings of your last letter.

It has taken me nearly half a century to see all of this though. Which makes me rather doubt that I would have made a good husband and father all those years ago. I had a need to see the world. Nay, to grab it by the balls and squeeze it! But no more. My days of travel are done. While I am not settling on a farm, I have invested in a nice inn and my bride to be and I will spend our days idling there while our hired help runs it. It would be our pleasure if you would bring Milicent and any of your children that would like to make the journey to stay with us for the autumn equinox and the days before and after.

I do hope that you can find somebody to tend the farm so that you can come, for, old friend, I am hoping that you will honor me by standing at my side when I take my wonderful Elancelle as my wife. I can think of no other person that I would rather have with me than you. Yes, there have been companions at my side in battle, in fact, if you come you will meet many of them. Brave men and women one and all. However none of them have meant as much to me over the years as you have. The knowledge that you have been in the old home for all of these years has kept me grounded in a way that I cannot explain.

So, what say you, Friedrich? Will you do me this great honor?

Your oldest friend,

Truesdale
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Pip Briarpath / Lowhill
c/o Postmaster, Corwell Town

From: Tully Longtoes / Kingsbay

Greetings Pip,

I know I promised to make it back last tenday. I know I promised the one before that and before that too. You know I want to come. I miss you and the rest and would give my eye teeth to do it. I even tried to sell my eye teeth to pay for passage, but no takers. Jokes aside, I wish I could have been there so many times.

But you know how it is. Even though I can now afford the coin for the trip I can’t be gone for that long or I won’t have a job. At least my apprenticeship is almost up though. Once it is, maybe I can open my own cobbler shop. One thing I can say about master Quentin here is that he sure is teaching me the ins and outs of being a cobbler. He may drive me and the other apprentice here all day every day, but we sure are learning the trade.

Who knows, maybe I can move back and open a place in Lowhill! Wouldn’t that be a hoot, eh Pip?

Well, I have to keep this short. I’m writing by candle and I am so tired I nearly fell asleep and burnt my hair off in the flame just now. And another early day tomorrow, of course.

Tell the rest of the lads I said hello.

Tully
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Randolf Shinglestop / Corwell Town

From: Creulenden Pholston / Caer Callidyrr

Randy,

You should have been there. The Green Festival was better than ever this year! I know that it’s a long trip for you, but the roads are safe now. Long live the Queen! The king consort was even there and I saw him. Of course, I was far away, but still, he looked just like a king.

I saw him at the bard’s competition. What a sight. Well, the winner sure was. Some dancer with fire spinning around her. Boyo, it was hot. And I’m not talking about the fire! At least I think she won, after watching her, the rest of the night was a blur, if you want to know. I think there were two Hin poets. Or maybe only one since I remember one of them asking for money. Must be the ale had kicked in by then.

I could barely crawl out of bed the next morning, so I missed most of the sword fighting. Some big fellow won it and I swear he was blue. Maybe it was the hangover I had, but that is what I saw. Then the archery and mage fighting. Both boring, if you ask me. Archery has all the excitement of your aunt May going on about how” the world these days just isn’t the same.” I can understand why a hin got naked and ran around just to do something. But the mage completion? Well, you know me and spelling. No talent but lots of interest. I was there from beginning to end. Maybe I was hoping some of it would rub off on me, eh?

But then the afternoon came along. Now, I admit that again I had too much to drink. You know me, and without you there, well, nobody was being the voice of reason. But Gods honest truth, somebody was disqualified from the pie eating contest! What sort of person would cheat at pie eating? More to the point, how do you cheat at pie eating? I’ve no idea, but apparently it is possible.

But then everything got real blurry. As if it wasn’t already! Pigs on two legs and four making advances on the ladies; ponies escaping and running through the crowd. And that was before the grand melee which was more chaotic this year than last.

So, start saving your coins so you can come with me next year. You will not regret it. Who knows, if you do come, I might even strip naked and run around during the mage competition crowing like a rooster! I can blame it on a spell gone awry or something, eh?

Cru
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Sidal Nortstrap / Corwell Town

From: Loren Pilaster / Waterdeep

Mister Norstrap,

The latest copy of your export list has just reached my office. I must ask you to cease and desist all marketing of your “Waterdavian Egg Snugglers” under their present name. Change the name sir, or you will face the confiscation of your current stock of all goods in Waterdeep and a ban on further exports to our fair city. To call a codpiece by such a name is an insult to the greatest city in Faerun and makes a mockery of it.

This is your first and final warning. You have three tendays to comply.

Sincerely,

Loren Pilaster, esq.
Office of Over-officious Review
Waterdeep
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Horace Bardhelm / Corwell Town

From: Laurid Bardhelm / Near Wyngate

Father,

How right you were. The life of a soldier is nine parts boredom and one part terror. Except that so far, the only terror is the sergeant. Oh, I have heard of troubles in the forest from the patrols that come back, but the sergeant will not me go with them. I asked him why and he told me that having to ask why was proof that I didn’t deserve to go. Then he put me on latrine duty for a week! I reek of excrement. The rest of the squad has taken to calling me Horrid Badsmell.

It is difficult being a woman in this business. Oh, yes, there are heroines aplenty, but the men don’t seem to care. I expected to have to prove myself, but I also expected to be given a chance. How am I to prove my worth with a sword and shield if the only thing I get to carve is a roast? It is not enough that I more than hold my own in sparring! Every time I get the better of one of the squad, they laugh and say that it is different in battle. Worst of all, as a former man at arms yourself, you know that until I have been blooded, I must clean everyone’s armor after drills, if they want it. Of course, most of them do want me to do their cleaning, and I swear they go out of their way to dirty it.

They all know what is going on and yet they all smirk about it, as if it was a big joke. Only the lieutenant seems to have the slightest sympathy for me, yet he is barred by long tradition from interfering in any way. Short of having me beaten, the sergeant is the one that determines how I am treated. And he seems to be the worst of the bunch. If only giants would attack! Yes, it is so bad that I yearn for the fort to be attacked.

Do not fear for me though. I am made of as stern stuff as you are. I will put up with this treatment for as long as I have to and keep myself ready for my chance when it comes. For it will come. That I know.

Your Daughter,

Laurid
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Bluebonnet Berryhedge / Lowhill
c/o Postmaster, Corwell Town

From: Grelbar Stelmathus / Athkatla, Amn

Dear Miss Berryhedge,

Thank you for your inquiry about the availability of Maztican coffee via our export service. At this time we do, indeed have some available and are expecting more in the weeks and months ahead. I have set aside one sack of each grade for you, five in total. The cost of each 100 pound sack is as follows:

Nexalese Red: 500 gold
Kultakan Green: 1000 gold
Huacli Heartracer: 2000 gold
Kolani Kona: 4000 gold
Pezelac Pure Bean: 6000 gold

Each is guaranteed to be pure whole bean from the region stated. We will hold these aside for you at the prices quoted above for 5 ten days awaiting payment for whatever you choose to purchase. After that, we can no longer guarantee the price or availability of the beans.

We look forward to doing business with you.

Sincerely,

Grelbar Stelmathus
Clerk, Solbeith and Associates Imports
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Alcindor Lew / Corwell Town

From: Wooden Johns / Westwood School of Wizardry, Waterdeep

Dear Mr. Lew,

It is my pleasure to offer you a full scholarship to come to Westwood and study. You will be offered every opportunity to further develop your inventive new spell, the Sky Hook. To be so adept at such a young age bodes well for your future.

Please present this letter to our clerk staff upon your arrival and you will be shown to your quarters straight away, with a meeting with the entire staff to follow.

Sincerely,

Wooden Johns
Dean, Westwood School of Wizardry
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
Wild Wombat
Frost Giant
Posts: 737
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2004 5:35 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia, USA (DC 'burbs)

Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by Wild Wombat »

To: Preelas Zumblat / Corwell Town

From: Loxarta Mynek / Caer Callidyrr


My Dearest Pre,


You have got to stop sending me gifts and flowers, dear. My husband is beginning to suspect! I cherish them as I do our stolen moments, but the risk is too great. The ones he has seen I have said were mis-delivered and the rest I gave to friends, but eventually even that dolt of a man will catch on.

Just content yourself with the knowledge that I think of you every second and my nights are full of dreams of your flesh against mine. Every morning I wake moist from the memory of your breasts pressing against me and must bear with the disappointment that there are only cold sheets draped across me instead of your arms.

Take solace that I will be traveling to see you soon after you get this letter. When I am there we can make plans for the future and how we can rid ourselves of the problems caused by our husbands. Patience, my love. Patience.

With all my heart,

Loxy
Current NWN1: Murgen Kjarnisteinn (AKA Grumpy Scout)

Current NWN2: Muir Cheartach, AKA The Pale Faced Pie Man

R.I.P.: Croaker Lyosbarr, Knight of Yartar, Lord of Lhuvenhead (NWN1)

"In no uncertain terms, i am adamantly opposed to any ingame mechanics that penalize players for wanting to meet up with other players, when their goal is to roleplay." - White Warlock
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CloudDancing
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Re: Letters of punishment - the DMs understand

Post by CloudDancing »

((i'm really enjoying these letters. Great work!))
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