Whither the Pale Faced Pie Man
Posted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:38 pm
The mysterious pale man, arriving too late to school the others in the sword fight, took solace by coming in second in his class in archery. To celebrate, he planned to eat his fill of pie, and win another prize, perhaps. He had worked up quite the appetite, so win or lose, it would be fun. The wonderful aroma of the pies boded well for their quality.
But the Pald Faced Pie Man had an ace up his sleeve, as usual. He had a plan to stack the deck in his favor. So, he took his seat opposite the stout hin that he had bested in archery the day before and licked his lips, eyeing the pies stacked before him.
"Go!" shouted the lordling judging the contest, standing right behind our Pie Man. So, into the pies, the contestants dove, forgoing utensils and scooping the pies into their gaping maws. Why, burly hin simply stuck his face into the pie, like a pig in a trough and seemed to inhale his pie.
The Pale Faced Pie Man, followed suit, digging his hands into his first pie, apple as it turned out. But as he watched the others with pie smearing their faces and chunks of pie falling out, our sly Pie Man was only eating two thirds the amount as they. So, the game was afoot!
On to the second pie: cherry. Then the third: blue berry. Oh, what is that? A portly fellow at a different table bolted suddenly, spewing pie from his mouth onto the audience, including the blue skinned winner of the sword fighting. While laughing, the Pie Man took the opportunity to kick some pie away from his own feet toward the hin's.
And so it went, more pies, blackberry, huckleberry, raspberry, peach. Through them all, the Pie Man ate what he could and did his best to get rid of the rest. Then there were only three competitors left. As our Pie man was deciding which of the two pies left in front of him he was going to eat, he overheard a vomit covered competitor who had bowed out several pies ago complaining to the judge. It appeared that he had spotted somebody cheating. "By the gods," thought the Pale Faced Pie Man, "what sort of fiend would cheat at the most honorable sport of Pie Eating?"
And so, the Pie Man selected his next pie, knowing the jig was up and he would have to eat the entire pie. He picked at random. It ended up being a grape pie. And the grapes were sour! "Mmmmmphh," choked our schemer but he tried to carry on. "Grrraakkkk," he continued, for it was not to be. He simply could not keep going. Leaning to his right, he spewed chunks of pie all over the feet of anybody within 5 feet.
With a tip of his hat, the pie man wiped his mouth and left the table. He walked off into the night with a belly still mostly full of pie and a smile on his face, leaving the revelers to wonder, "Whither the Paled Faced Pie Man."
----
For those of you that enjoyed Muir's attempt to cheat his way to becoming the Pie King of ALFA, I am glad you did. I'd like to thank you for sending me tells saying that you were "ROFLing."
For those of you that were around, but not paying much attention, well, all performances need an audience.
For those of you that did not appreciate what I was doing to spice up the event and complained to the DMs, all is fine. I would have relished the RP opportunity have Muir protest his innocence should the officials have accused him of cheating. All in good fun, it would have been.
But, for those of you who were sending me tells about how what I was doing was not right, please bear in mind that:
1) I had prior approval from the DMs to roll sleight and fortitude in each round.
2) This was a DMed event where the DMs could and would have stepped in at any time had they felt the situation called for it.
3) This was a pie eating contest for God's sake. I did this for fun. I did not realize that it was such a serious matter.
I have no idea if Muir came in third or was disqualified at this point. If he did come in third, whoever came in fourth can be given he bronze pie. Muir has left the area to go and cheat his way to other prizes.
But the Pald Faced Pie Man had an ace up his sleeve, as usual. He had a plan to stack the deck in his favor. So, he took his seat opposite the stout hin that he had bested in archery the day before and licked his lips, eyeing the pies stacked before him.
"Go!" shouted the lordling judging the contest, standing right behind our Pie Man. So, into the pies, the contestants dove, forgoing utensils and scooping the pies into their gaping maws. Why, burly hin simply stuck his face into the pie, like a pig in a trough and seemed to inhale his pie.
The Pale Faced Pie Man, followed suit, digging his hands into his first pie, apple as it turned out. But as he watched the others with pie smearing their faces and chunks of pie falling out, our sly Pie Man was only eating two thirds the amount as they. So, the game was afoot!
On to the second pie: cherry. Then the third: blue berry. Oh, what is that? A portly fellow at a different table bolted suddenly, spewing pie from his mouth onto the audience, including the blue skinned winner of the sword fighting. While laughing, the Pie Man took the opportunity to kick some pie away from his own feet toward the hin's.
And so it went, more pies, blackberry, huckleberry, raspberry, peach. Through them all, the Pie Man ate what he could and did his best to get rid of the rest. Then there were only three competitors left. As our Pie man was deciding which of the two pies left in front of him he was going to eat, he overheard a vomit covered competitor who had bowed out several pies ago complaining to the judge. It appeared that he had spotted somebody cheating. "By the gods," thought the Pale Faced Pie Man, "what sort of fiend would cheat at the most honorable sport of Pie Eating?"
And so, the Pie Man selected his next pie, knowing the jig was up and he would have to eat the entire pie. He picked at random. It ended up being a grape pie. And the grapes were sour! "Mmmmmphh," choked our schemer but he tried to carry on. "Grrraakkkk," he continued, for it was not to be. He simply could not keep going. Leaning to his right, he spewed chunks of pie all over the feet of anybody within 5 feet.
With a tip of his hat, the pie man wiped his mouth and left the table. He walked off into the night with a belly still mostly full of pie and a smile on his face, leaving the revelers to wonder, "Whither the Paled Faced Pie Man."
----
For those of you that enjoyed Muir's attempt to cheat his way to becoming the Pie King of ALFA, I am glad you did. I'd like to thank you for sending me tells saying that you were "ROFLing."
For those of you that were around, but not paying much attention, well, all performances need an audience.
For those of you that did not appreciate what I was doing to spice up the event and complained to the DMs, all is fine. I would have relished the RP opportunity have Muir protest his innocence should the officials have accused him of cheating. All in good fun, it would have been.
But, for those of you who were sending me tells about how what I was doing was not right, please bear in mind that:
1) I had prior approval from the DMs to roll sleight and fortitude in each round.
2) This was a DMed event where the DMs could and would have stepped in at any time had they felt the situation called for it.
3) This was a pie eating contest for God's sake. I did this for fun. I did not realize that it was such a serious matter.
I have no idea if Muir came in third or was disqualified at this point. If he did come in third, whoever came in fourth can be given he bronze pie. Muir has left the area to go and cheat his way to other prizes.
