Moon dreams of light and darkness

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orangetree
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Moon dreams of light and darkness

Post by orangetree »

"Selune!"

It was dark... I was alone. So very dark... This was not the absence of light, nor was it the existence of mere shadows for I could not feel my own body. This emptiness was a void on the physical level, evaporating my breath into its nothingness. Like any mortal creature crushed by the weight of emptiness I struggled to rise- push- pull- Swim? This was a labyrinth of Godly creation, a place I can not possibly be in.

This was the realm of the Goddess Shar...

Selune was the only way out of here... Selune's light, that birthed the universe and created all the candles that lit upon starry sky above. I tried to sing my voice into the cosmos. Shadows stirred at my presence. I saw all the forgotten before me. All those that died in the dark, with not a witness nor a compassion or gentleness in their final night. These souls burned my flesh and stilled my heart as they reached into what warmth I carried, eager for its touch. I fled these apparitions but I was caught. One huge shadow gripped me by the neck. I writhed in it, trying to breathe but was held very still. The giant whispered something as I looked into that ghastly face of a Forgotten.

'Lost all is lost, that which is lost is forgotten. This is the failing of all mortal beings. You remember that pain, all pains and frustrations, all wounds caused by words and thought, scars by swords crossed and offences of life not giving that which you desire... '

I looked down at my body, still unseen. I could not even feel my own hand upon my torso, as if I was merely a ghost. Then even the Forgotten faded... The grip around my neck gone.

Lonely again... so very alone.

I didn't know how much time had passed as I wondered this void. I saw nothing, literally nothing. I didn't even know if I 'was' moving, for I had no reference. I could feel myself tire. 'Move on... keep moving...' I closed my eyes, not even seeing any difference. Then... I brushed something. It felt like a petal to my face, but it was a cloak of darkness. Like a caged animal I ripped it away.

'curtains of lies you tell yourself... will you dare see beyond them...'

Breaking it open was like attacking myself. It hurt on a physical and emotional level. Still I had no choice, for if I couldn't get out of here... I would be in this realm forever. I felt my heart stop a moment as I saw the bright light in the distance. There I saw it...

... faerun... and selune.

Twin globes twirling in infinite stars. I saw it all from there. That was not all though, For now I saw things as the gods might. I saw Death... Life... Light... Darkness... Faerun was bleeding, cut more often then it could heal. Slowly dying, slowly ebbing away that glorious life that made it wonderful. I swam closer to the lights of selune, feeling strength in it... but I didn't know what to expect. I just wanted some shelter from the darkness that I had seen... yet as I looked down I saw my own body, casting a shadow upon the body of selune. Selune's tears fell... though why did she cry... for me? For the world?

The void was all around me again. I had brought it with me. I looked down at faerun... "Please don't! It is filled with life!" I cried out in desperation as I saw the huge hand threaten to snatch Her away. I saw Her... a lady, more beautiful then any I had ever seen. For a moment I was awed by eyes that I could not look at directly as I tried to hide my face.

Then I heard her voice.. as achingly beautiful as that which I saw, punctuated in darkness as if her words conveyed the emptiness itself. "... Only the Strong have survived... for eons... what is the result Mortal..."

It was as if my mind was forced to picture the end... the True End of faerun. In a world where only the strong survive, with enough time played out to make it essentially 'infinite'. With competition between all species, tactics reaching a perfected state of being. I saw humans rise, and battle the other races to submission.. I saw them conquer all... the dwarfs, the elves, it did not stop. The hin were the last, forced to unite and fought with more courage since the Great War... but even then, they fell outnumbered. The humans did not stop... They continued to fight. They fought the demons themselves as they poured from the abyss... devils and creatures of thought were unmade... then the angels... then the gods... I saw them train, driven to perfection... greater kills... More Perfect... faster kills... Perfection.... Perfection!

"... they all... become the same." I whispered as the clarity washed over me. In a world of so much death, for one to survive they have to be all the same... Not to deviate from that which makes one weaker.

'Yes... even those who follow Selune... all that is the same, invites the void... they -beg- for the end... they want this now, for only -I- can make things -different- again... possibly. You are just like them..."

"I'M NOT LIKE THEM!" I screamed. Then the dark shroud covered me again as the world faded from view. I was wrapped again inside the void. For a moment all was gone, even the light of the stars. I heard her voice again...

"... you -want- to be... like them... strong... Nothing can do that... but... I can make you forget -all- desires... you will not know happiness.. but neither will you know sadness... you will not know pain... but neither pleasure... you will have no hope... but nothing to expect or desire.... is this not what you feel... right now anyway? Admit it.. and tear down this wall once more... I offer you nothing... it is however more True, then others who offer you 'something'."

- - -

I woke up startled... " A dream... just a dream..." I wanted to scream. "Those stones..." I washed my face in a basin, standing up on my tip-toes to do so. I looked at my face in the mirror, my eyes were darkened from lack of sleep. I took a deep sip of ale as the images of the dream finally faded away. I don't want to ascribe it as a vision but.. clearly it reflected many of the doubts I harbour, and the (rather unwarranted) criticism I place upon myself. For I have done a lot just.. not enough? Or have I done enough...

"What strength do I have that compares to any of them..." I dismissed the images as mere apparitions of my fears brought on from so many weary battles. Perhaps I had made many mistakes with my training. If I could do it again I would have done things differently...... I regret so many of the choices I made, the people I spoke to, missed opportunities and yes... possible friendships.

Doubt cloud my mind, and its grip is the worst kind of betrayal. "I... want to follow selune, I just don't know how." I looked up at the clouds watching the moon once more. "She's special to me.... do I just hope I could be special to her... is that wrong?" Does every person not want to be special to their god in some way... or is this a sinful desire. I wasn't sure, I had known such little kindness though since adventuring and my faith in Her light is what kept me going. Who am I though without that light.. without that hope...

"... I don't give up..."
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